Not direct, but my friend does/did. Her break up was early when child was 4 and child is now 23.
She said she just was the best parent she can be and provided stability. She didn't over criticize the ex even though the coparenting was H**L with all the stupid and driving back and forth and ridiculous. She just let natural consequences happen.
She let the child grow into her own awareness that "Yah, my dad is a goofball and I can see why mom dumped him" and that happened in the early teens for the kid. Dad promises X, forgets, Y now happens.. DOH!
She's still sort friends with the ex because they DO have the grown child in common and all live here. They are not co-grand-parents at this stage. But my friend says she's looking forward to that part one day and really? That's going to be a lot better than having to suck up being co-parents to a young child. They've all grown since those early break up days.
And now that her child is adult, she can be more open/honest about the Dad, and be more like woman-to-woman talking about relationship stuff. Stuff that works, stuff that didn't, coping with divorced parenting, etc from another plane because now her daughter is not a child, and NOT in the middle.
She's always going to be her daughter but now she's her ADULT daughter.
The 9 yr old son child will grow. Hang in there!
And who knows? The ex might too. Might not. But might.
My friend told me she was amazed that her ex gives her nicer bday presents now than when they were married.
They went through that "I hate your guts" place when the divorce was newer. The "I could care less if a truck ran you over!" place.
But in time they both mellowed and while he was a horrible husband and not a great father, he did TRY at least to be the best father he could be even if his best fell short there too. He's just not marraige/family type material to begin with.
So the adult daughter and the mother view the Dad kinda of like "Yeah, he's him. All kinds of messed up unreliable for family life. But he's him so... and he's part of our lives still so... accept him for what he is even with his limitations. He's good and THIS. Let him be good at that then. "
But neither needs/wants him in those family roles any more. She doesn't need a daddy, she's grown up now. And friend doesn't need a hubby -- they both moved on romantically long ago. He's one of those artist types and the both enjoy him and his art from another plane now and from what my friend tells me he's older now, and age and health kinda tones down the artist crazy to a bearable place so he's easier to get on with rather than being all wild child.
They really do work much better as ex's who have gotten over themselves and can be decent ex friends with a daughter in common.
Way better than my divorced In Laws who are at it hammer and tongs years like 20 years later STILL. That stuff gets old ya know? It ripples out over the rest of the extended fam too. Silly.
Just do your best to be the best mom you can be and let the ex hold the bag on being a father however father-y he is. As long as he isn't HURTING the child or putting child in actual real danger? If he's being a flake you don't need to point it out. Child has eyes and ears.
A.
Last edited by astrophe; 06-20-2012 at 10:38 PM.
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Any advice speaking from experience? Our son is 9.
