So, there is a guy I like. I like him A LOT. I have relatively high self confidence for the most part, but being around him, it makes me question myself. He's a very..intimate guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm intimate, too, but I'm EXTREMELY uncomfortable with myself when the clothes come off. I just. Argh. I don't want..disappoint, you know? I know he should like me for myself first and I'm sure he does, but still. I want to be "up to par" and since I'm not skinny, I feel like I won't. This is kind of a vent, but it's also a cry for advice from people who've been where I have. How can I gain confidence with the new guy or at least feel more comfortable..?
I will be completely honest. If he likes you, I don't think it's going to be a problem. We like to delude ourselves that being clothed hides the fact we have a weight problem, but it doesn't. I am pretty sure he is aware that you aren't skinny and if he is interested in you, obviously he doesn't care.
I will be completely honest. If he likes you, I don't think it's going to be a problem. We like to delude ourselves that being clothed hides the fact we have a weight problem, but it doesn't. I am pretty sure he is aware that you aren't skinny and if he is interested in you, obviously he doesn't care.
This.
If he likes you and goes out with you he'll probably want to do things with you too.
If you decide to do anything with him, just make sure you're 100% certain. If you even have a slight iota of uncertainty, DON'T do anything.
To boost your confidence, do what makes you feel sexy. Is it a certain piece of lingerie you own? Is it a manicure/pedicure? Like others mentioned, if he's in the room that means he likes you. Your confidence is internal and not something he can give you, so find ways to access it.
I will be completely honest. If he likes you, I don't think it's going to be a problem. We like to delude ourselves that being clothed hides the fact we have a weight problem, but it doesn't. I am pretty sure he is aware that you aren't skinny and if he is interested in you, obviously he doesn't care.
This ^^ I agree yet while I was dating I was deluded to think clothes made me look un fat but nah, yet believe it or not mature guys find that personality also makes a woman attractive, in addition to her looks
My new beau and I just had this conversation last night cause we were talking about a back tattoo, and well, my back is not the ideal one for a tattoo because of how the fat is situated on it, and I had to try to explain this to him cause he's all "What's wrong with your back??" It ended with me calling myself gross. He immediately responded with "Stop that, you're not gross!" There was another conversation where I was telling him about how a pair of shorts didn't fit, and I said "It hugged me in all the wrong places." and he says, "I didn't know you had wrong places!"
The reason I'm sharing this with you is because of what everyone else has said; if a guy genuinely likes you, he's probably going to like all of you, flaws and all. It's hard to for us to understand sometimes, but if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it at all and just go with the flow. If you really feel uncomfortable about getting naked around him, then wear a sexy piece of lingerie like someone else suggested; in fact, that might entice him even more because you're indirectly teasing him! It'll all work out for ya Kassie; don't worry!
There was another conversation where I was telling him about how a pair of shorts didn't fit, and I said "It hugged me in all the wrong places." and he says, "I didn't know you had wrong places!"
Aww, that's so sweet. Sounds like you've got a wonderful guy. ^_^
Kassiebby, there's nothing I can really say that hasn't already been said. You're a beautiful young lady and have nothing to worry about. When it comes time for it, you may be thinking about your "flaws", but I assure you, that will be the last thing on his mind. I just hope you can relax enough to enjoy it too!
And by the way, I've been physically intimate at my highest and my lowest. It's never made a difference. Despite the flaws I felt I had, my man was just happy to be in the moment with me.
I have this issue too. I don't like to be touched, and feel like I can hide behind my clothes. My sweet boy though, he understands and genuinely tries to boost my confidence. Sometimes he wins me over, sometimes he doesn't. If this man truly cares for you, he will be patient and understanding.
My new beau and I just had this conversation last night cause we were talking about a back tattoo..
He's now your beau? how sweet! yay! Go for it!
I too am struggling with weight and dating. Okay, well I haven't quite started the dating yet as you need another person to officially make it a date. I'm open to dating.
I'm going out tonight, and I plan to wear my new scooter skirt from LB. I was uncertain at first, but the longer I wore it, I felt more confident. I got my first pedicure today too I think partially, its about how you show you feel about yourself. No one is perfect. It will come with time
Like others have said, I would change it up a bit Kassie and see if you can find something to boost your confidence, whether its a new hairstyle, outfit, new paint on your toes, or even lingerie. You've got it in you even if you don't believe it. Flaunt what you have and accentuate your best assets
I'm in the same boat. I have an amazing boyfriend and I will never wear sexy lingerie even though I know he would love it. I won't dress in certain clothes because I think I'm huge in them and I know he wouldn't care... but at the same time I feel like he would run.
I have to have the lights off, I prefer him on top so I can hide, if he didn't love my breasts so damn much I'd wear a shirt while having sex. First time we had sex.. once it got started, suddenly it wasn't "Oh... I'm so fat" (after the lights were off and I discovered he really knows what to do with his hands) it was just... enjoyable.
It's definitely mental, and I think only time can make us feel good. One thing I do tell myself, often, and it ALWAYS cheers me up, is that my guy wants to be with me and he's seen it all (including the WORST hangover... granny panties included and he even held my hair out of my face) so... maybe I don't look like a porn star, but he still likes me.
I'm slowly working into it.. finally started to wear skirts again even though I'm secretly scared he's going to run. Amazing guys though, don't care. We just have to remind ourselves that... often...
“Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have...undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery." - Elizabeth Girbert
Thank you all so so much. Collin is very sweet and he doesn't make me do anything I don't want to, but I know he does like me for myself. I suppose it really IS all mental and I'm slowly but surely overcoming it. I DO feel sexy in skirts/shorts because my legs and my butt are my favorite part on me.
Dating..whilst fat? /:
how sweet! yay! Go for it!
