So good morning all,

This is my very first post and attempt at finding out who Samantha is-again. I've always been bigger, not blaming anyone, it's my own damn fault. I have never been fat though, always about 20-30 pounds overweight but pretty. It comes and goes just as fast as my past relationships! I noticed, i'm thinnest when single, and always quit eating right and working out when I get into a couple month relationship.

It wasn't until I met my last bf, whom now we've been together over 2 years, that I really started getting upset with myself, and recently when I stepped on the dreaded scale and read 194. I'm 5'4".... and now I wear yoga pants/sweat pants and hoodies every single day so I don't realize how disgusting I look.

I'm sick of looking at all my friends who are in better shape, even if they don't workout, and being envious.... I want them to be envious of me! They all used to when I was 140 and rock solid and lived a healthy lifestyle every single day. I loved it, I was happy and I felt hot. I want that feeling back.


I'm done dressing for what fits and hides me the best, I'm ready to dress how I'm feeling that day, and I'm ready to rock the size 8 jeans I've spent so much money on and feel beautiful again. Most of all, I'm ready to be comfortable with myself. One step at a time, yes I know, and I'm the queen of quick fixes, but let's face it..... weight loss is a life change.

It's all up to me, I wish all of you women who know what I'm going through lived right next door and could help me and motivate me everyday. I wish you all were here to help me love myself again and stop my tears, but it's up to my fat ***!

I appreciate any comments/motivation/help/friends.... I'm finally ready, although I hate every woman who's never had to say these words, it's my time. Let's do this.


Love yourself, because at the end of the day, it's yourself you gotta face, right?


Sam

I kinda know where you're coming from. By the time I was 11 i was already 120lbs, and in high school I got up to the 180s, & I was always the "fat" or "chubby" girl amongst my friends. I know its hard sometimes, but you have to look past the weight to see who you really are. Your weight is not who you are, its just present circumstance. The journey to lose weight is long & hard especially the days where motivation is just non-existent & somehow you find a way to drag your butt to work out or make sure to eat well.

I'm glad you're ready to take the step to the beginning of a new life! But I don't think you should carry around all that envy/jealousy/hatred because it won't go away after losing weight. From what I've learned (personally & from other people) is that if you carry those kinds of things, it will stick with you--you'll always find something else to be envious of. Be happy that you're making a change for yourself that will lead to a happier & healthier life. (:

Deyln,

You are so right, I remember when I was thinner and looking nice, I still found myself envious of others, even when I knew they were envious of me too. It's a personal demon I have to face, I just hope this time it works. It has too, being uncomfortable with how you look is the worst feeling in the world...it's becoming depression.

I don't want to go anywhere, I want to stay at home where I'm secure and no one can look at me and be like "wow, Sam's gained weight"....awful feeling.

I just need girlfriends who are there, or whom have been there to help me!

Thanks again!

Want to welcome you and encourage you, Samantha. We are coming from about the same size/weight. I am 5'4" and started at 190. I want to get down to 145....will re-evaluate from there. I've lost 5 lb....so far...but I am committed to this because I am a lot older than most people here but I want to be able to get around better and enjoy my....uh...."golden"...years. Keep on keeping on, and you will meet your goal. You are doing the best thing you can do for yourself and there are plenty of folks here to stand by you, or behind you, and give you the push and encouragement, whenever you need it and we will all be here to cheer you on when you meet your goals, or to share your success along the way.

I know I got married and its like ugh I don't care anymore but I know I can do this anyone can do it

Hi there! Welcome to 3FC!

You're completely right - you have to love yourself. It's easier, since you're with yourself constantly. That being said, getting healthier and fitter can be because you love yourself. At least, that's what I always felt like.

And I hear you on the "chunky friend" thing. That's been me my whole life. I've never been the small one, not ever. And that sucks a little, but I like how I am, too.

Good luck with everything! There's a lot of great support here, especially if you're just starting out.

Welcome!!

I can totally empathize with being sick of letting your weight prevent you from being social!

I've never been thin, in fact I've never weighed under 200 pounds in my adult life (I'm nearly 6 feet tall, but, still).

I think I'm also tired to being the "big" one, but I can only do something about the weight, not the height!!

Good luck with everything, I'll be reading your posts!!