until just now. How can this even be so shocking? I look in the mirror every day. I turned on the webcam to take some before photos, I was playing back the video and I am disgusted on the verge of tears.
I don't know how I did it but I gained about 90 lbs in 7 months last year.
I was about 200 lbs 3 years ago, then I got pregnant three years in a row. I had a January due date for each pregnancy. But it is not even the pregnancies that caused me to gain weight, I actually lost weight while pregnant.
Sorry for rambling I am just so disgusted with myself. Looking in the mirror, I thought I looked "good" in these pants, now I know otherwise. How could a 5'2 314lb me look good in anything.
Off to have a good cry and to change clothes. :/
Last edited by livelaughlovesunshin; 06-11-2012 at 07:12 PM.
I think a lot of us had one of those OMG moments, in that we were sorta oblivious to our gain until something snapped it to our attention. Mine happened at a mall when I realized that I was too big to buy jeans even at the plus size stores!
Hang in there. Now that you've seen and acknowledged you're not where you want to be, you can do something to change it.
*hugs*you. My before pictures did the same yto me. Just be happy they are your before pictures and that you are a work in progress. I will never understand how the way we look to ourselves can differ so much from reality!
I think sometimes we just don't really see it in a mirror. I had this weird thing where at home I looked "skinny" in the mirror but in photos and in mirrors outside of my house I could see what I really looked like. I have no idea why- some sort of reverse body dismorphia? who knows. But it was a wake up call to see a photo take of me at a restaurant one time. That was not the same me I saw in the mirror at home, for sure!
We all have been there. I thought I weighed a certain amount then stepped on the scale and it completely threw me off.
It was frightening, annoying, made me sad, all of the above, but at the same time, it pushed me to do something about it.
Don't sell yourself short, im SURE you ARE beautiful, and from what I'm reading, you have a beautiful soul.
I think our minds see our bodies in the way that we see ourselves. If you see yourself and say you look good, well guess what honey, YOU DO!
And body appearance and look should matter to you mostly for health and fitness reasons, other than that, you are good looking so I woulnd't be so hard on yourself
I think sometimes we just don't really see it in a mirror. I had this weird thing where at home I looked "skinny" in the mirror but in photos and in mirrors outside of my house I could see what I really looked like.
Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one <3
I always said "I'm on the skinny side of fat!" Until I saw a picture of myself sitting down next to my 2 year old niece. Holy cow.
Most (if not all) of us have a moment like the one you described, OP <3
When I had that moment I realized I got to choose if I was going to be depressed about the way I looked, or if I wanted to change it.
You can do it. We all can <3 We're allllll in this together.
I agree that the mirror can lie. I also cried quite a bit after taking my "before" pics, and I had already lost a few lbs by the time I had the courage to take them and thought I didn't look *that* bad. Yikes, what a shocker.
You will be glad you have those pics! I know I'm glad I have mine. Now every pic I take that I can compare helps me see what progress I'm really making. And I do think that these eye opening moments can really push us into the changes that are necessary to succeed.
There have always been days when I think I look pretty darned good, and days when I've hated what I saw in the mirror or in photos/videos - I'm not sure the "bad" is any more accurate than the "good."
In fact, I think underestimating my size has done amazingly wonderful things for me. By thinking I was smaller than I was, I often did NOT think "I'm too big to be doing....."
I didn't think I was too big to flirt or date (and met hubby at nearest my highest weight).
I didn't think I was too big to go to college or graduate school, apply for and get great jobs (and I did).
A few years ago I decided I was NOT too big for a bicycle, so I bought one (that's not been a complete win, because while I am not TOO FAT for a bicycle, I don't have the best balance for one - whether because of weight or conditioning I refuse to see it as size-only related.
I know I see myself as smaller than I am, but it hasn't stopped me from living a wonderful life, and it didn't cause me to believe I didn't need to lose weight. I can read the scale even when I can't read the mirror.
If anything, seeing myself accurately (or worse seeing myself as larger on really bad days) has demotivated me. I start thinking "I'm too big for this (diet and exercise) to make a difference. At this rate, I may never be thin - I may never "look nice" to average people).
I feel more beautiful than I am, and I feel more confident than I (by cultural standards) have a "right to", but I've also learned that what you feel becomes reality not just to yourself, but to others as well.
Feeling thinner, has helped me become thinner. I started "feeling" weight loss long before I started seeing it. If I had judgend my success by my appearance to myself (in mirrors or photos) I would have given up - many times along the way.
Sometimes when reality doesn't work for you, you've got to create a new reality.
In my "new" reality I am beautiful and accomplished, and every pound I lose makes me more and more beautiful to my self (if it doesn't "show" or matter much to anyone else - I don't give a fig).
I am a firm believer in visualization. I have always had a vivid imagination, and I often imagine my thin self and what I will look and feel like at my ideal weight. I imagine both the confidence and happiness I will feel and project, as well as the details of what I will wear and how I will do my hair, the places I will go and the people I will meet. On the one hand it might sound pathetic - why couldn't I do those things at my high weight? On the other hand, my fantasies are very slowly becoming a reality as my confidence is growing, my social circle is expanding, and I am finally starting to like what I look like and feel like. I am certainly not where I ultimately want to be, but, I am closer.
My advice is to start seeing the woman you want to become. Imagine that you are her. Imagine how she will live her life and what she will look like. Sometimes you need to focus on the carrot of the future to take the steps toward change.
I think sometimes we just don't really see it in a mirror. I had this weird thing where at home I looked "skinny" in the mirror but in photos and in mirrors outside of my house I could see what I really looked like. I have no idea why- some sort of reverse body dismorphia? who knows. But it was a wake up call to see a photo take of me at a restaurant one time. That was not the same me I saw in the mirror at home, for sure!
OMG, Yep, this is totally me. I'll be at home getting ready for the day or whatever and see myself as much thinner than when I see a picture of me or myself in a mirror in a store. I have never understood why that is. Maybe it's because if I really saw myself that way every way I probably wouldn't leave the house? Maybe it's because I have an easier time visualizing the way I want to look in my own bathroom than in the outside world. It's just so weird.
But in regards to this post, I definitely had a way of playing avoidance for years and years. I've had 100s of little weight loss wake up call moments that were so embarrassing you'd think it would have pushed me but never did. But then all of a sudden I started really seeing what I looked like and I was tired of avoiding it. I'm still just starting the journey, but it is hard not avoiding it anymore. But I'm at least glad that I'm not avoiding it anymore.
first of all :
I also always thought I looked pretty good, despite being 299 pounds and 5'5. It wasn't until I saw a pic of myself fully (rather than just a face shot or face and shoulders) that I really finally SAW how big I really was.
It was an eye opener, and after feeling like crap for an hour, I made the decision to try to lose weight.
You can do this! My before pics are what keeps me going. keep taking pics as you lose weight so that you have something to show you the weight you've lost.
Quote:
Originally Posted by livelaughlovesunshin
until just now. How can this even be so shocking? I look in the mirror every day. I turned on the webcam to take some before photos, I was playing back the video and I am disgusted on the verge of tears.
I don't know how I did it but I gained about 90 lbs in 7 months last year.
I was about 200 lbs 3 years ago, then I got pregnant three years in a row. I had a January due date for each pregnancy. But it is not even the pregnancies that caused me to gain weight, I actually lost weight while pregnant.
Sorry for rambling I am just so disgusted with myself. Looking in the mirror, I thought I looked "good" in these pants, now I know otherwise. How could a 5'2 314lb me look good in anything.
I needed to find this post! I just had a photo-shock moment last night. I always thought I had thin-ish legs- all that was left from my formerly "normal" self. But yowza! I even have puffy legs. I cried myself to sleep, and woke up and started crying again this a.m. I am so relieved to not be in this struggle alone. This is my 3rd day with 3fatchicks, and I am already grateful for the suppport.
Don't be so harsh with yourself
Beauty isn't all about weight. It's important how clean you are, what you wear, the way you move, how much you show others you like yourself... etc etc.
You'll see that if you treat yourself with respect and care others will too. Diet is just a part of it.
Having said this, you can now enjoy your journey towards a thinner you (not only your goal, but all those thinner you's in between) to be healthier, to have less pain and to be ballanced. I'm sure you can do it.
I went to the Alexander Mcqueen exhibit at the MET and one of the displays was some video and suddenly it turned into a mirror, without a warning. I saw myself just as I AM and realized just how much I pose when I look at myself. I automatically have a more flattering facial expression and suck in. Then I saw myself, angry faced, slouching and gut hanging out. It was upsetting but it was a learning experience, its how I project myself to the world 90% of the time.
Its OK to be unhappy with the state of your body, and now you are taking action to improve that! Woot!
I never realized how big I am
Now that you've seen and acknowledged you're not where you want to be, you can do something to change it. 
I'm sure you can do it.
