Today I wore a new dress to the office, Having lost almost 2 stone, and the dress is really flattering, I could see people had noticed my weight loss. One very nice lady said "you look lovely in that dress". Another hlaf dozen people said "my God you have lost a lot of weight!". ie. "you were really fat before, but I never liked to say"...
It has made me realise that the way a compliment is put is really important.
Having said all of that, I'll take whatever compliments are going!
26 lbs. is fantastic! Congratulations. You're two-thirds there!
Some people were never taught right. Your co-workers are like the ones who say, "I like your new shoes SO much better than those old ratty ones you used to wear" and such. What can you do, they never learned, but mean well.
I never know what to say, so I would say nothing. I know from reading on here some people can get offended if you say "wow! you've lost some/alot of weight!" and they can get offended if you say nothing thinking you didn't notice. Like the people that make comments, the people receiving them are all different and never know how they might take it.
The nice dress comment is a good one though since it's not directed towards your weight.
I never know what to say, so I would say nothing. I know from reading on here some people can get offended if you say "wow! you've lost some/alot of weight!" and they can get offended if you say nothing thinking you didn't notice. Like the people that make comments, the people receiving them are all different and never know how they might take it.
This. Those of us who would like to give compliments pretty much can't win for losing. I know for myself that really can't take offense a well-intentioned comment like that. I was really fat before. I can't really expect people not to have noticed!
I don't think it necessarily means that at all! Just because they've noticed that you've lost weight doesn't mean that they thought about your weight like that before. I've noticed people that have lost weight without ever thinking that they were large before so I certainly didn't mean it in a 'you were really fat before but I never liked to say'. You're doing great so be happy that people are noticing all of your hard work!
I think most people don't at all mean to be backhanded with their compliments. It's just that it's so easy to stick your foot in your mouth when trying to express yourself when it comes to weight. It's a topic so full of landmines.
My aunt visited last week and she squealed, "Thistle, you're so cute now!" And then in her excitement for me practically shouted, "You're almost unrecognizable!"
I doubt she was cognizant of what she was implying. I chose to take it as a compliment and got a giggle out of it.
Last edited by Thistleberry; 05-18-2012 at 04:28 PM.
I do think perhaps you are reading into that compliment, but you know the person whereas I don't, so maybe they are rude?
I never realized it would be considered rude to compliment someone on having lost weight!
Personally I'm thrilled when someone notices enough to comment on it.
I've seen threads where people get disheartened when people don't make comments, so as another poster said, you can't win!
Like if someone says to me "You look really pretty today" I don't take it to really mean "You look ugly other days". Guess it just depends on your perspective.
I try to recognize if people were trying to compliment me without reading too much into it... so, for example, I really don't think telling someone you noticed they've lost a lot of weight is necessarily the same as saying "hey, you were really fat before." Now if they said "wow, you lost a lot of weight, you look so much better now" that's different. But really, I would take what all of them said as compliments, and not backhanded ones.
A coworker yesterday said "you look really nice today!" And in my head I thought "heh, compared to the other days I kind of do.." but I don't think she really meant that I look terrible on other days!
I do try to be careful when complimenting people, though, for that reason- I don't want them to think I'm commenting on what they looked like before. So i'm way more likely to say "you're looking great" or "I love that dress on you" than make a specific mention of weight. If people are comfortable talking about it, they will.
Nope, I'm not careful. I am genuine and enthusiastic, just as everyone who knows me would expect. Because if someone is going to be offended by what I say, rather than take me and my intent at face value, it is their problem and not mine.
Simple.
I have NEVER, to my knowledge, been upset by a compliment. Yes, I have lost tons of weight, and yes, I look much better. And it WAS hard, though I'm not special, and some people could indeed never do it, becaus they are not willing. These are realities, just like the fact that I was very obese before, and am not now.
It is hard to be offended by the truth when you realize that where you came from is as much a part of the journey as where you are now. Thus, I am thrilled for any compliments and the wonderful friends and family who care enough to give them
You know, sometimes I think we've all become so politically correct that we can't give or receive a simple, heartfelt compliment in the spirit it was intended. Now, I do have a friends who says things that always rub me the wrong way - and I try to take our personalities into consideration. Here's an example, though, of how her comments get to me. I recently participated in a 5K with my DD. I don't really run, but it was something to do together, even though she ran way faster than I did. anyway, one of her friends took my picture as I crossed the finish line and I put it on FB as "proof" that I completed the race. The picture was taken at a bit of an angle, and the way my leg is out, my first thought was, "Gee, you run like a girl." I ALMOST captioned the picture that way, but I didn't. All my friends had encouraging things to say, but this one's comment was, "You run like a girl." I wanted to answer her back with every sarcastic comment that came into my mind. I didn't, but it shows me that remarks are taken differently when delivered by different people.
I comment on people's weight loss, the same as I'd comment if they changed their hair color. I never mean it as a back handed compliment. If we get a new hair cut and someone says, "Gee, I LOVE your hair like that!" we don't read anything into it. But, I think we know that we were heavy and hope that no one else noticed. So when a weight loss is pointed out, our old self doubt comes calling.
If anything, I am way more apt to make a comment about someone looking like they've lost weight than I used to be because I know how pumped I used to get when someone noticed I was losing. And to anyone who thinks it's too awkward or personal to comment, think how you feel when someone notices your hard work in any endeavor. I was very reluctant to bring up the subject of weight loss, but would comment back about how I was really trying to get healthier when someone noticed and gave me a compliment. We all have to do what keeps us comfortable, but I love getting and giving compliments.
I think people mean well. I always try to assume positive intent. I guess I'm just happy that people notice. I went a long time before anyone said anything.
Sometimes people just make me feel worse, no matter what. Now, people are complimenting me on the weight loss, but now they say "you need to get new clothes" or "those clothes don't do you justice.". I just feel like no matter what I do I will look bad.
I will get new clothes when the weight loss is over, but I just can't afford to keep doing out and buying a whole new wardrobe every other month.
I don't say anything to others about it. I figure it's a personal issue and if they are comfortable enough to bring it up, then I'd compliment them.
For receiving compliments, a simple thanks is all I say unless they press me.
This is basically how I see the matter.
Compliments are great. But, even if no one said anything to me about my weight loss thus far, I can't honestly say that I would be upset. There are a number of little things about my weight loss that make me happy and I count them as personal victories.
"Personal" for me is the key word there. It's one thing to freely compliment people here where weight loss is the focus of the discussion. However, I don't know that I am prepared to assume that everyone I meet in real life wants me to bring up their weight loss. If they bring up the matter and we're discussing it, fine. Otherwise I'm prepared to let it be.
As for the question of whether or not something is a compliment, I think that is something that has to be assessed in the moment. Words that seem innocuous enough on the screen may not seem that way if you were to hear the actual comment. Everything is not about projection. Sometimes people are being as witchy as you think they are.
My rule of thumb - if I generally get along well with someone and s/he says something that seems a little awkward, I give that person the benefit of the doubt. I know that there have been times when I have said awkward things that needed to be generously interpreted.
Usually I'm the person saying, "Hey, your hair looks really cute today! uh, uh, not that it looks awful every day but it looks extra special today." And shuffle away with my foot in my mouth. I get people might interpret compliments wrong and I try to explain it out and then it just fails.
I've never had any problem with people noticing weight loss or complimenting me...until today!
A woman in work simply said, "you look like you've lost weight, whatever you're doing, keep on doing it and you'll get there'.
Errr ok, actually I thought I looked pretty good today...telling me I look slimmer but am still fat in the one sentence is a quite a gift
Are you careful with your compliments?
But really, I would take what all of them said as compliments, and not backhanded ones.
