so, today i was in a rush for breakfast, and i went to a local coffee shop to get a smoothie (real fruit, yogurt, no added stuff) and who was working there? my high school crush. now, i will get this out of the way, yes, i am married, and very happy. but you cant help it if your heart goes pitter-patter when you see someone you used to care about, especially when they just keep getting hotter

so i go up to the counter, order my smoothie, and he tells me its on the house. (be still, my heart). i was getting ready to leave and he stopped me to tell me that i look really good, and he loves my hair (lol, it was 2 inches long last time i saw him) he asked if we could hang out sometime (with my hubby of course)

i have had a continual crush on this boy for a decade, and we actually came very close to dating in the past. is it totally inappropriate to be friends now? my hubby knows who he is, and knows i had a thing for him in the past, and he seems pretty cool with it, but i dont know if that will make things awkward...

a side note: i only wonder if it will be awkward because we were SOOO close to being a couple in high school. we were both very shy and refused to make a move on each other, but about 2 weeks after i started dating jon, his twin sister told me that he had planned on asking me to the prom. after i met jon, i basically dropped off the face of the earth for 3 years, and i actually didnt even see him until after i was already engaged.

i really do want to be friends, and i dont have the same feelings for him any more, but i dont know how HE feels. he was very flirtatious when i saw him, and it makes me wonder...

has anyone had to deal with this? what do i do? i genuinely want to be friends, i have very few friends nowadays, and we always got along so well

Dude your playing with fire, if you think thats going to work out being friends with a past crush and your hubby knows that... The only way i would "be friends" with any guy, is if my hubby was present every time we hung out..and i mean phone calls would be kept way to a minimum..but basically i think you might end up with a bit of a jealous hubbers on your hands ..he might be "cool" with it or so he says..but he might not be so "cool" with it when it becomes a reality that you are spending time and hanging out and talking lots...be careful.

thats what i was afraid of. im sure we will see each other, but i wouldnt really be comfortable hanging out with him without my hubby present. and that might make all 3 of us uncomfortable. i guess it will just be social events that we hang out, oh well.

I still talk to an ex that I dated for about 5 1/2 years. I think a lot of the differences are:

1. We still have things in common and these interest and hobbies can involve my DH. How long has it been since you saw this guy? Do you have common interests or is it a visual/historical attraction?

2. My ex is now married so it's more of a couple/couple thing. Is your old crush single? GF? Married? What are his motives for wanting to hang out with a married woman and (possibly) her DH?

It could be innocent, and it may not. You may decide to go forward with a friendship but I would tread very carefully. Considering your emotions are already worked up just seeing him, I'd say it's probably a bad idea. When I see my ex I think "Well, he's a nice guy but... why did I date him? We're really not compatible." Putting your marriage at risk for a high school "what-if" probably isn't worth it IMO.

I think your willingness to include your husband in all this shows you're not looking for more. Can't speak for the guy or your husband though...I'm sure neither of them would be delighted to play together.

Agree with the person who said you're playing with fire!

I tried to be friends with my highschool sweetheart... but, in the end, he had feelings I couldn't reciprocate and it became painful for everyone involved. There was a lot of unnecessary heartache. Run AWAY.

It's not worth it.

we still have a ton in common, and i am not looking for anything other than friendship (yeah, and maybe some eye candy) i am concerned that he is looking for more. he hasnt dated much since high school and he is currently single. i probably would be more ok with it if he had a significant other.

i have remained friends with all of my exes, and my husband is close friends with all of his. i am even pretty good friends with his ex wife! so im not sure that it is completely impossible, but if i decide to pursue a friendship, i will do so very carefully.

Unless he is also in a relationship and you can do group dates/get togethers, I'm sorry to say it is a fantastically awful idea to have anything to do with him. It's asking for trouble and pain, for all involved.

It sounds as if the whole "my husband will be there, too" premise is to give yourself permission to do something that you really know isn't right. How would YOU feel if the situation were reversed and your husband wanted to have someone around the two of you that he crushed on years ago - and whom he found very attractive, etc.? Is that respect of your partner?

Do the right, respectful thing.

"It sounds as if the whole "my husband will be there, too" premise is to give yourself permission to do something that you really know isn't right. How would YOU feel if the situation were reversed and your husband wanted to have someone around the two of you that he crushed on years ago - and whom he found very attractive, etc.? Is that respect of your partner?

Do the right, respectful thing."

ok, i would just like to say that while i DO find him attractive, there are no romantic feelings on my part any more. i am not using 'my husband will be there' as an excuse to do something wrong. as i stated before, i am friends with several of my exes, and my husband is friends with most of his. we can hang out with them and there are no uncomfortable or jealous feelings. if we didnt want to be together, we wouldnt be together. period.

that being said, i agree that it is playing with fire, because of the mutual attraction, and the fact that he is currently single. and as i said before, if i DO decide to pursue a friendship, it will be very carefully.

i am hoping no one thinks that i am some crappy wife thats out to catch another man. im not. i need friends though, and i have very few that live nearby now. just because he is pleasant to look at doesnt mean im going to destroy my marriage. i have plenty of friends that i find attractive. does this mean that i am no longer friends with them because they are good looking? no.

my husband and i are very honest about things like this. he is not shy to tell me that someone is good looking, and i am not shy to tell him. we can joke about these things and it is no big deal. we lived in the same house as his ex wife for a year, and there was no jealousy at all.

its not a matter of me and my husband having issues with a friendship, its concern that the high school friend may have issues with it.

In my opinion an old fling can turn into a wonderful friendship, especially considering you have so many things in common, AS LONG as you're both just looking for that: friendship.

You're not sure what his intentions are and while you're happily married, are you sure you would resist him if he were to reveal he has feelings for you? Alright, you'd tell him you don't feel the same way, but honestly you can't know for sure how you would react in a particular moment. Say he would be persistent, then catch you in a state when you'd be vulnerable, what then? I know I'm over-thinking things, I tend to do that sometimes It would lead to complications and I'm not sure it's worth it.

Ahh, its too bad you're in Idaho, I'd say send him my way

I can't say I've ever been in that situation, but I know a married friend who has a "Workwife" in terms of he's really good friends with her, and whatnot, but his wife is really uncomfortable with how friendly they are. Being around them, I can see why, as they have chemistry that is beyond anything I've ever seen. I know neither of them would do anything to jeopardize their relationships, but even so, when other people question it, theres generally some reason.

but all kidding aside, send him my way

haha it is too bad that im all the way in idaho. or i WOULD send him your way

Curses! foiled again!

I'm of the mindset that men and women can absolutely be friends. The majority of my friends are male. Some are single, some are married, some have significant others.

.....but I'd hesitate to jump into a friendship with this guy. Only because you aren't sure what his intentions are.
Making small talk if you happen to see him is totally fine. But I wouldn't pursue anything further, even if your husband was invited along.

Wanted to add: I can only speak for myself, but I don't get the impression you're a crappy wife at all! Don't be silly. I guess a big factor is the guy. Will he respect you and your marriage? Not put you in any sort of awkward position? None of us can say for sure.

Tread carefully.
I feel your pain on making friends though. I live in/near a huge city and it's still very hard for me to make friends.