So I'm back at this again. I was down to 177 last year. My ticker says 186, but that's so not true. I am 190.4 at this very moment. Which is good, because it means I have lost almost 10 lbs. However, it seems as though I actually feel fatter now than before I started again. I don't know what it is. Is it just a realization of how much I let myself get out of control? I guess I am happier in denial. It just feels like I want this to be over already. If I could just get below 180 again. The weight just creeps off when you yo yo up and down. It's really easy to lose when you try the first dozen times. Then your metabolism slows down, and down, and down... I don't understand why I feel worse now losing the 9 lbs than before I started. People have even noticed, without me saying anything. Is this common for anyone else, or am I just weird?(OK don't answer that last question!)

I'm speaking not from my experience, but book learning. It is possible that you have a different lean muscle to fat ratio at the moment than when you did last time. Also, your here because you feel icky in your skin, which is a subjective feeling possibly related psychological factors. Just a thought.

I've been at my current weight before. My ticker says 166, but I got off track and gained back 10 pounds. Now I'm on that weight loss track again, or at least trying (I can't seem to keep my head in the game), and revisiting the same weights a second time around.

The last time I was at my current weight, 171, I felt great! I thought I looked great! I'd see pictures of myself and think I looked good, not fat!

Now I'm here again, and I think I look quite heavy, and I don't think I look that good. This was confirmed when I was looking at some pictures from a couple of weeks ago. My face looked a lot fuller, and I thought I looked heavy. Still not bad, but heavy.

I wonder if it has to do with maybe some water retention. When I'm actively dieting, I'm better about drinking water, and the foods I choose to eat have less affect on my body where water retention is concerned. I could see in the pictures that my face looked fuller, and the areas along my jaw line were less pronounced. It could very well have been the lighting or angle or whatever, but the pictures really seemed to show a fullness to my appearance. I wasn't even overly critical. I thought I looked OK, in the pictures, just more puffy.

Then I think there is the psychological factor. I think there is something to be said about how when we feel good, we we look good. When we feel beautiful, and confident, and skinny, we project that and others see beauty and confidence and maybe even skinny. We hold ourselves differently. We project differently. When we feel frumpy, dumpy, others notice that too. They might not necessarily see us as big as we feel, but they do pick up that negative vibe. Does that make sense?

If you are talking about finally looking in the mirror and saying "what have I done to myself"?, Yes, I can relate 100%. The first few weeks of my plan, I was getting depressed instead of happy because it sunk in how far I have to go to get my body back into a healthy weight. But now six weeks in, and I see that it is working and I will be able to do it, it will just take time, I am now walking on sunshine. I think we see all these "false" advertisements on TV for products which may/may not work and think yeah, I can do that for a month and lose all the weight. Then you read the teeny tiny print which says "results not typical", or weight lost over a period of 18 months. Once you believe that you can do it, and are going to accomplish your goal, you will be in a better place mentally. Until then, keep on doing it, and don't sabotage yourself for any reason. It is not worth it.