[SallyOwens]

Hey, y'all. I'm fat.

I'm joining 3fatchicks as a last-ditch effort. Not to say it's not a great place, but I thought I could do it myself and realized I probably can't.

I have zero motivation, zero drive, zero ambition and zero hope for a future un-fat me. Most days when I'm not at work it takes all my energy to flop down on the bed and browse the internet.

My weight's fluxuated a lot in the past few years but I was never close to a goal weight or anything I was really happy about. When I was about 18 I looked at myself on the way to work and suddenl felt sick to my stomach. I was 175 pounds, the sleeves of my shirt didn't fit over my arms anymorpe so I had to snip the sides and add some panels, and the size 12 dickies I wore wouldn't zip up so I just left it undone and covered it with my apron for work.

Then I went vegan and lost like 30 pounds out of the blue, gained most of it back, lost a little again, and gained some. I'm now sitting at a hefty 165 and I've basically resigned myself to the fact that I will always be this size or bigger and it's a really depressing thought.

I didn't mean to get all debbie downer or rant-what I'm trying to get at is that I'm looking for some motiation and drive. My depression makes it really hard because I just don't care about anything really and I think a forum with some accountability might help me.

I can live with being fat by myself but the worst part is I live with my girlfriend and she's itty bitty teeny tiny and I see her in all these cute clothes that I could never wear in my life and it just makes me feel like a big fat slob in comparison.

Blah. Anyways I'm here! 23 in June, never set foot in a gym in my life (partl because I'm too poor and partly because I'm embarrassed and partly because I work 60 hours a week and I have the only car in the household). I tent to go long periods of time lurking forums without actually posting, and if you quote Dr. Who at me, I will love you forever.

Thanks for looking.

[Euphy]

Just start small, thats what I've been doing.

[luckymommy]

Hi SallyOwens. Sometimes, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but believe me...it IS there and you absolutely CAN lose weight. I won't address your current weight and goal weight because your question has nothing to do with those. What I will say is that it's not really about motivation. Hard to believe right? Not that I have all the answers, but I have found that for the most part, it's about commitment. I've had issues with motivation but once I made the commitment to stay on my plan (and it took me some experimentation to find the right plan that works for me), the motivation started to appear. Heck, I still have days where I fall completely off track, but again, I"m working on that. You can too!

Please don't compare yourself to your roommate. There will always be someone who is thinner, younger, older, blonder, bunneter, taller, shorter, richer, etc. You can't control that and you can really drive yourself crazy doing the comparison thing.

Here is what I would do in your situation:

1) start with small steps as Euphy said. I would start with keeping a food journal. There are some great online ones (a lot of people like sparkpeople? I use LoseIt). See how many calories you consume on a typical day. Then, try to cut back where you see issues....or you can post here to get some detailed advice. Hard to advise you though if we don't have all the info.

2) make sure you're drinking enough water.

3) include protein and fiber in every meal/snack possible. That will help you feel fuller longer.

4) exercise is not necessary for weight loss, but it does help....especially with depression and fitness.

5) Commit every morning to staying on your plan...do plan ahead. If you won't be home for a while, pack a healthy snack, etc. Plan what you will eat for every meal or snack...at least in the beginning.

6) evaluate your goals...maybe see a doctor?

7) is your depression linked to your weight or to other issues? For me, I had depression when I was heavier because I was so unhappy with my appearance, but now I'm not depressed anymore. All my problems didn't go away (and i have some major problems), but I find that I can handle them better now. Also, eating a well balanced, healthy diet could help you a lot with your emotions. When I binge now, I get foggy and depressed and anxious, etc....bad food can really have that effect on some people.

8) post here often and read success stories. So many people here have struggled and have been able to accomplish their goals...it's very motivating and empowering to know that it's something anyone can do.

9)

10) more

[SallyOwens]

Thanks for your advice, guys. Sorry i didn't get back to you sooner. I appreciate the help, and sorry for being such a downer.

[janeart4]

We all have those *this is how life is and I want to cry about it* moments but take it from someone who has been at that bottom ... it does get better. Like they say start small, park farther way from work and pack nuts and dry fruit for snack. The most important part is start believing in yourself because a positive attitude will take you far. It sometimes helps me when I ask "what have to done for myself today?" and if it's been nothing I'll take my lazy *** for a walk, so simple

sally - depression really bites (i was first diagnosed-ish when i was young, along the lines of "if it wasn't that she's just a kid, i'd say she's depressed but kids that young don't get depression so i don't know what's wrong with her" sort of thing).

i was in my 20s when it turned out it's actually how i am - i was born depressed.

oddly enough, i felt much better - nothing wrong with me at all, i'm actually normal. for me.

anyway, i find routine is the best way to get through the day. i make lists - lots of lists with checkboxes. i pre-plan my food. i use diversionary tactics to keep my mind off things i shouldn't be thinking about (things like "next meal in... 5.... 4.... 3..... 2....").

and yes - commit.

you HAVE to commit to your routine - don't commit to losing weight. commit to a different lifestyle. temporary diet - temporary results but permanent changes make permanent results.

[Moshimoshi]

hi Sally... please don't worry about bringing anyone down! No one here wants you to pretend that you feel good when you don't; That's not why the forum is here.

I've also struggled with depression since I was 13 or 14 (though I wasn't diagnosed until 21), and it definitely sucks when it affects your ability to live the sort of life you want. I hope you're receiving treatment in a way that works for you, but I can definitely tell you that exercise, if good for nothing else, will enhance your moods and make you feel a bit more stable. I take medication and work out on top of it, and though it was hard at first, it becomes habit.

Accountability is good for some things, but my personal opinion is that in order to make changes that affect your life, you should first be accountable to yourself. It's hard work to get into good health habits, but if a person is doing that for their own sake, it's best to hold him/herself accountable. If you have a slip-up here or there, well, who hasn't? You know yourself better than anyone, so it'll be easier to decide what to tweak before trying again. Don't be afraid of a good struggle! No matter what happens, if you come out on the other side of it having learned a little bit about yourself, it's worth it.

One more thing that I have found helpful: compartmentalizing. That big goal of so many pounds can be overwhelming, but if you make it a lot of mini-goals, it's much easier to manage. Even 1-2 pounds at a time! Exercise and lifestyle changes can also be adjusted this way; say, instead of "I'm going to run a 5K so I am going to start out doing xyz..." forget the ultimate goal (the 5k) and at first decide that you're simply going to take a 30-minute walk 3 days/week. You can always adjust it to less, or go to the next level when you're ready! Don't forget to reward yourself, especially if you exercise/skip the extra cookie/etc when you REALLY don't want to. A hot bath is good, or renting a movie you want to see.

Good luck to you! Don't be afraid to come looking for some help (or a place to rant)!

[Elliemar]

Hey Sally - welcome!

Don't apologise for feeling down. At different times and/or in different ways, we've all been there. Having someone to talk to helps and you're in the right place!

I have to echo what luckymommy said - totally agree with her excellent post.

I also started with little goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the bigger picture. I concentrated on one thing at a time and also started going out walking and building that up. I found that the walking helped clear my mind and cheered me up and everytime I pushed it a bit further it felt like another small victory. Celebrate them!