[purdumse]

Hi there, I've been around these forums for about a year now and have used it to help me eat properly and stop bingeing. I have started going to OA meetings and hae a food sponsor, but went mostly out of vanity. I have been a sober woman for two years, and it has brought food issues up to the surface. I thought I had a problem with overeating. I am finally coming into the realization that I don't just have a problem with overeating, I have an eating disorder. When I was younger I would binge and purge and there were days I would exercise a ton and eat next to nothing except an apple.

I just thought I was weird with food, but I would never think I had an eating disorder. It seems like almost all girls go through crazy stuff like this, I remember a couple girl friends and I would talk about purging in high school, and I've ever seen girls do it.

Anyways, I guess what I'm getting at is the other night I had a break when I thought, 'if it's going to be like this forever I want out'. I didn't plan anything, but they were very dark thoughts about not wanting to live this life anymore, it's just very painful at times. As a sober woman I haven't had thoughts like that in a long time! I think getting sober just cleared the haze enough for me to start realizing there are much deeper problems going on. I just wanted to say it. I have binge eating disorder and I need help.

Already I feel more compassionate for myself and realize that it's not my fault like I've thought for all these years.

[purdumse]

I've also taken off my ticker and weight stats because I can't think about weight anymore. This has turned into a quest for sanity. This forum is a great place to start for support.

[astrophe]

You rock! That is very brave to post out there and I hope you continued success along your path. Just flinging it out there is such a HUGE achievement!

A.

[Please Do Not]

Originally Posted by purdumse

I've also taken off my ticker and weight stats because I can't think about weight anymore. This has turned into a quest for sanity. This forum is a great place to start for support.

This post is my view on my body in a nutshell. As evidenced by my signature. I never had an eating disorder but I did use my vegetarianism as a cover for my disordered eating. I restricted myself to 1000 calories, which I hardly hit (800 calories was usually the max), exercising everyday for a minimum of an hour. Needless to say, I got to 124 (after about 6 months), not without everyone wondering whether something was wrong with me. My grandmother went crazy on my birthday about my weight the whole time and even watched me eat. It was horrible. At some point, I realized I couldn't live my life around food and reluctantly started eating chicken again to start a more protein based diet.

But anyway, I hate when I get on rants about that. Pretty much, I understand this completely. It's a constant battle. I know firsthand that it's not going to go away, at least not without a long war.

Welcome to the forum.