Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend but he just doesn't get it. A while back I asked him for some help and support and he just told me to eat less and work out, like I didn't know that already. Then to top it off when I ask him to work out with me he turns it into a competition. I just don't know what to do to stay motivated because he always "wins". I want someone to do this with me because I feel like I can't do it on my own. I've never lost weight and I've always been over weight. I started cutting the tags out of my clothes so he wont see what it is. It's not that he puts me down because he doesn't, I just feel insecure about myself around him and we've been together for almost 3 yrs now. Any suggestions?!
Do you have any family/friends who will work out with you? I know how it feels to have too much competition with workouts or goals and it sucks when you always lose.
Would Online buddies motivate you? Or do they need to be by your side? The Chicks up for a Challenge forum always have threads going, it might help motivate you if you join one of the groups . (or more!)
My DF is very supportive and he always helps me with my work-out. Mostly with the weights to make sure I'm using good form, but I will still never do cardio in front of him. I just don't want him to see all the fat bouncing around. Even though I know's he hardly cares and will most likeyl be on the laptop playing a computer game or something, it still bugs me. So I make him go to another room while I do cardio lol.
sometimes you may feel you can't do it alone...but sometimes you have to make yourself do it alone. simple changes might help and you can have your boyfriend with you and not have it turn into a game you will lose. "Hey it's nice outside...lets go for a walk/hike."
Katie, you need to find some weight loss support elsewhere. In the office? At the gym? Friends? Family? I get none at home, and I can't let that stop me.
I live with Mr. Entenmann and 10 for $10 bag-o-chips man. He does the grocery shopping, and even if he didn't, how could I possibly stop him from buying that crap (even tho he is type 2 diabetic as well and in deep denial)? I am in control 99% of the time over what goes onto our dinner table, despite the constant temptations that abound. If I can do it, you can
What you can do at home is ensure that YOU eat healthier and that YOU get some exercise. It is about you and you can't expect him to assist you, especially if as you wrote when he does work out with you it leaves you feeling unsupported.
As to the tags if it makes you feel better, so be it, but he doesn't put you down and you've been together 3 years and ... he has eyes. He knows what you look like. I said that at a WW meeting last year when the leader said "I love how you say I weigh 188......I lost 2 pounds....and you don't worry about what we think." I replied...you all have eyes....would you believe me if I said I weighed 130?
Focus on yourself...don't worry about him. He may never "be there" for your weight loss journey because it isn't his issue. I've dealt with this for years. I'd go on diets and the family would say "ugh....dinners are gonna suck" or "just cuz YOU'RE on a diet doesn't mean we have to be too" and to not be crabby cuz I'm dieting and they aren't. Seriously, it took me a while to adjust to the non-support in my home.
Good luck. You can do it without his support. You've got support here, try to find some in your real life surroundings...you can do it.
I do have some people at work that are trying to lose weight too but they usually give up within 3 weeks so that doesn't help me any! I feel like I need someone to push me because in the past I've always given up on myself, so I figured he would be that person...wrong. I just don't want to fail anymore.
I'll def check out the other forums. Today is my first day on here so I'm pretty excited about hearing different storys and maybe getting different ideas. Just need that extra push every now and then I guess!
It is awesome to have a great support system in place, but ultimately, you need to find the strength within yourself to follow through with your plan. You can do it!!!
I think all of us cone here for support. This forum has been very valuable to me in that respect!
Last edited by dstalksalot; 02-28-2012 at 12:15 AM.
My husband and I are both working on weight loss and healthier lifestyles, but we've learned that we can't really support each other in the way each of us might prefer, because our goals, personalities, and expectations are too different.
I also think that lifestyle changes are so stressful that "doing it together" (in terms of someone you're living with) is actually often more stressful than doing it "alone." My husband and I have the same difficulties my mother and I had (when I was living in my parents home).
I think it creates lots of opportunities for no-win situations and hard feelings. If the person is off their plan or eating something we think they shouldn't (or shouldn't eat in front of us), we feel sabotaged. If the person comments when we are eating something questionable, it feels like they're playing "food cop." No matter how we try to support each other, it's often the "wrong kind of support," and then we end up arguing.
I know for myself, whenever I've dieted with someone in the same household (my mother, my husband, my sisters), it's never felt stess-free. If the other person is doing better than I am, I end up feeling angry (and guilty for feeling angry). I'f I'm doing far better than they are, I feel guilty - or angry that they're not as committed as I am. And it seems that the "other dieter" in the house has also felt the same.
If they don't give advice, they're not being supportive. If they do give advice they're being condescending or judgemental.
And having non-dieters in the house trying to be supportive, is just as bad or worse.
My husband and I have had the most success by agreeing to mostly stay out of each other's weight loss and eating habits. We do have some ground rules to make things easier. We mostly fend for ourselves for meals, or before making a meal for us both, we'll discuss it with the other person. We each have two bins in the pantry that is "off limits" to the other person. One is on-plan foods that we want to be available to us (so we don't get mad that the other person ate the last protein bar or whatever) and the other bin is our planned treat foods (these are food that each of us is not willing to give up, even though it's a trigger food for the other person. This was a hard lesson to learn. When we banned the house of all trigger foods for both of us, we'd start resenting that we had to give up some of our "sanity saver" treats just because the other person couldn't control themselves around that food).
I need outside support, but I know I can't always (heck usually) get it from hubby, so I come here, and I joined TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly).
I find it far less stressful and much more beneficial to get support from strangers than loved one.
Hon, I agree that you just have to find your support eslewhere. Your weight loss has to come from you and only you. So work out alone, go for walks or whatever you like. I understand how you are feeling because my husband doesnt support me either. He just says the same as yours, or that Im perfect like I am, letīs go for pizza!
You have to do it for you and no one else. I know you can! Good luck!
I think if I wanted to get support from my fiance I would still be at my starting weight, waiting for him!
You have to do this for yourself, and you can't expect everyone to suddenly drop what they're doing and support you. The best part about joining this forum is that you can get the support that you don't have out in the real world
I started my journey by myself—I didn't tell ANYONE, not even my fiance. After a while everyone noticed so I HAD to talk about it, but the support I got here was a major factor in me being able to continue to lose weight.
Just do it. Come here for support and eventually your boyfriend may get a clue, or maybe he won't. Regardless, you can't wait around to get support from him.
Thanks everyone! I just need to get the right mind set that if I really want this I have to do it for myself and then I can say I did it all on my own, well except with everyones support on here of course! And maybe if he sees me doing it on my own then maybe he will join in with me and not against me.
Like others have said, you have to focus on you. Do what you know works for you and don't let anyone tell you different.
I think DW has been on a diet her entire life, except the last few months. She talks a good game, but I've only seen her get serious about it once in the last 10 years and she got to her goal on LA Weightloss. She promptly stopped doing what got her there and gained all the weight back and then some. I don't play food cop or complain to her about her weight, but if she asks me, which she usually doesn't, I'll tell her straight out. I don't mind working out with her or whatever she wants to do, but I don't even try to compete with her. It's not a competition. I'm big and athletic and weight flies off of me without trying too hard, though at 45, I do have to work a bit more than I used to. She constantly struggles, mostly because she doesn't understand her own body. She does pretty good with food, but because she doesn't track what she eats she has no idea how many calories she's eating or what kind. She wants to try a Medifast based program next. I just try to support her and let her do her thing. The difference between us is that I know what works for me and she doesn't.
No support at home...
Any suggestions?!
