Do any of you get this comment? The "stop losing weight" comment?
My girlfriends do that to me a lot, as if I am some bony girl who doesn't eat. For once in my life I am healthy, I exercise, I eat plentiful, nutritious foods... yet I get treated like I have a disorder. You know what I mean?
I still have some to lose, for example I still have a belly (hello love handles) and chubby thighs, etc, while my girlfriends could pop into a bikini right this second if they want to. I'm clearly bigger than them, so why are they discouraging me? Is it because they only see the old fat me and the new normal me so they think it's too much?
How do you deal with these comments? I'm flattered, but it is getting annoying.
Congrats on getting so close to your goal. People don't like change. It's simple. They see you as the girl you were before, so the thought of you becoming even smaller is just to weird for them. If one of them was to gain 10 pounds, I'm sure the rest would see that person as being "chubby" because of how skinny she used to be. Just like they see you as skinny now compared to how big you used to be. Just try and not talk about weight loss with them. I find that works best.
It sucks to see that your friends aren't being supportive about it. Do they make the comments randomly or when you guys are eating or talking about weight loss/food/exercise?
Maybe if it keeps coming up, you will just have to let them know that you are making a decision to live a healthy life and you would appreciate it if they could either be supportive and encourage you, or to not make comments about it at all.
I know for me when my friends say that kind of thing, they think its encouraging me in a way of saying that "You don't need to change. You're fine the way you are" kind of thing. Maybe its the same for your friends? I'm not sure though.
Keep on fighting through it though! You're getting close to your goal!!!
I get this at the gym and from my mother (although she's stopped recently). I agree with Candeka, in that people just don't like change. If you've always been the "big" one then they're probably feeling threatened.
I see this at the gym. I was always one of the biggest people there, and now I'm one of the smallest. There are women who tell me to stop losing weight or to stop lifting weights while others are completely supportive (for the record, I'm done, but focusing on fitness goals). I think many of them feel threatened that I'm not the biggest one anymore.
I think heavy friends might not want to see you change because the difference strikes them as a constant reminder that they could have done it, too. Thin friends just see the change and it's not "normal" to see the new version of you. Give them time. And don't try to convince them you still need to lose. They don't see it.
I kinda get this from my husband, he remembers what I looked like at 150. I've firmly told him that I want to be healthy and I'll slow down and maintain when I'm happy, it's not just about weight. I don't discuss my dieting and exercising with him too much.
I think with friends it's a little different, they feel weird about the change they see because they aren't used to it. Just don't talk about it with them. If they bring it up on their own just let them know you are trying to be healthier, not just thinner.
Yeah, I've gotten that a few times. Besides all the reasons others have mentioned, I also have found that when people first lose weight, there is a tendency for some to look gaunt or even sickly initially. After a while, though, the body seems to adjust to the new weight and all looks normal and healthy. This doesn't happen to all people, but it does happen to me and to some others I've observed. Since I've just recently started maintenance, I got lots of comments about how I look "too skinny" (from my husband, too) and I have no doubt it's because my face looked gaunt. I'm noticing now, though, that my face is starting to look healthier, and my husband has stopped saying anything.
I have thought this about some of my own friends (but not said it, I'm not rude). I think most of us get used to seeing our friends at whatever weight, then they start to lose and we think oh, they look fantastic! And it's hard to imagine them getting thinner because they look so thin compared to how we're used to seeing them. Usually they then go on to lose another ten or twenty and I think oh, who knew! They look even better! It's just hard to imagine people as thinner than they are when they already look good to you. And then, some people are probably trying to pay you a compliment in a very awkward way.
There's also the possibility that they just don't want to hear about it anymore. People get so excited or involved in their various weight loss efforts, they forget that other people don't find it all that fascinating. It's a REALLY personal topic and much better left for things like support groups or forums that are specifically for people who are just as interested in weight loss as you are.
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they're trying to mess up your efforts or they're jealous. If you don't know one way or another, why not assume the best. They are your friends, after all.
Location: Smack dab in the middle, Newfoundland, Canada
Posts: 668
S/C/G: 203.4/170.4/140.0
Height: 5'0"
Oh my god, YES. I cannot *stand* when family members/friends start in with the "You shouldn't lose any more. You're skinny enough as it is, you'll get sick if you lose any more weight."
What I always *feel* like saying is: "Number one, I am five feet tall (barely!) and I weigh 150 pounds. That? Is still overweight. Number two, I have discussed my weight goals with my doctor, and together we set a goal that is attainable, sustainable, and within a healthy range for my height. So unless you have a medical degree that I don't know about, keep your nose out of my business and quit making remarks that only reveal how jealous you are of what I've accomplished so far."
What I always *actually* say is: "Thanks for your concern, but I am being closely monitored by my family doctor and I know what I'm doing."
I think a lot of these comments, honestly, come from jealousy. Either people wish they could do what you've done, or they don't like it that you're suddenly "a threat" to them (in the case of your skinny friends.)
Pay them no attention. You know what you have to do; you're already doing it. Don't discuss your weight loss with them if all they can do is try and sabotage you!
What really annoys me is when people come out with these statements out of the blue. I don't go around talking about food or weight loss, but they chip in anyway. The ladies at my church regularly say things like this. I keep biting my tongue, but I'm afriad that one day I'll say something I regret!
I'm not even close to my goal yet (25+ lbs), but I'm already getting this attitude.
There are only three people who have a say: myself, my doctor, and my husband (only to the point where any of this interferes negatively with his life). Everyone else gets, "Oh, how kind of you to take an interest. <Insert subject change here>."
Location: Smack dab in the middle, Newfoundland, Canada
Posts: 668
S/C/G: 203.4/170.4/140.0
Height: 5'0"
Quote:
Originally Posted by shanhat81
I'm not even close to my goal yet (25+ lbs), but I'm already getting this attitude.
I know what you mean. I'm still 25 lbs away from my goal, but people have been displaying this attitude since...well, almost from the beginning. I think I had lost about 20 pounds when I first heard it.
To the OP. We are the same height and as of this morning the exact same weight. To tell you the truth, I think I look pretty damn good at this weight and so does my hubby , (and my friends).
MAYBE, your friends think you looK GOOOOOD right now. If they are REAL friends....people you have chosen to bond with, people in whom you have trusted and respected and gave them the "stamp as friends", well, maybe they really are telling you the truth. Maybe there is no jealousy, or maliciousness, or hating, or any of that elementary stuff, but real honest admiration for your new body. MAYBE they think you look perfect the way you are and hope that you can see it too.
Many of us formerly overweight people have a different perception of body image, and we do need help seeing what is normal.
My mom always says: "Oh just a kilo or two more dear... not more than that".
But it is only her way of telling me to take it one step at a time and slowly.
It is actually good once you start looking normal that you check yourself every 2 kilos and decide if this is perhaps good enough.
Your friends probably don't mean much by it, neither positive or negative. It's just a thing people say.
"Just don't lose any more, okay?" ....ugh.
, (and my friends). 
