Sometimes I get really discouraged. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get anywhere with my weight loss, because I have so many disadvantages. I don't have any privacy. I never have the privilege of peace of mind. We live in a really shitty apartment complex and moving right now is not an option. We got new neighbors and to think the ones on the left of us were bad... The house literally shakes. I can hear a kid screaming right now. I think horrible things because of it. I just wish there could be silence. I need time to think, to re-evluate my own life, but I feel like I live with these freaking psychos next to me! How can I ever stick to a plan and lose this burden I've been carrying around with me if I can't even think straight for more than 5 seconds? I'm 20. I don't have kids, I don't really want to hear anyone else's screaming 24/7. I've done everything that I can think possible in changing my situation, but money doesn't fall from the trees and houses don't just pop up for rent overnight. I could honestly deal with the money problems as long as I lived in an environment that gave you peace and quiet! I really can't take it anymore. Please, will someone tell me what to do? Talking to the neighbors doesn't help, I'm not even going to go there again. Should I just apply for jobs now and hope whatever medical condition I have stops or goes away and won't cause me to lose the job I get? And hopefully save up enough money and pray hard enough that a decent house opens up somewhere? I just don't know what to do anymore. I want only two things in life, to be happy with myself and not to have to worry about anyone else's bullshit, like the neighbors and their excessive noise and rude character. And yes, it's my problem, because you can't just tone them out, believe me, after 3 years I've tried. I'm not asking for anything to be handed to me, I'm just looking for a break, maybe even an escape.
I think the first step you need to make it realizing that excuses don't help. It's hard, but once you see and understand them, it only gets better. You can't blame your weight loss/health issues on screaming kids and the fact you can not think straight with the noise. Go for a walk to a nice quiet park. Go sit in your car. Buy a pair of noise cancelling headphones, or just regular headphones and listen to the sound of the ocean. Those things will all get you the quiet you need to evaluate what you wish to do.
However, after you have that 20 minutes to sit down and figure out what you want, you need to put it into action. It's going to take time and energy, all with screaming kids still living next door. You can not use that as an excuse for being exhausted, or for being stressed and wanting to throw a brick at their heads (I've been there, Im not a huge kid person and I had two living above me who thought you needed to JUMP 24/7).
You said you do not have children, that's an advantage right there. You don't need to worry about feeding anyone else but yourself. You don't need to pay attention to anyone else all day long! You can put your energy into bettering yourself.
Life is always going to be throwing obstacles our way. We just need to figure out ways to knock them down. I could use the fact that I am a full time student who works a demanding job and needs to study ALL the time as a reason to not succeed in my health goals, but I don't. I just prioritize and sometimes the TV gets the back burner (it truly does take will power, my tv is my bff).
You can do it! You just need to realize that nothing is going to happen until you stop making excuses and start doing everything in your power to meet your goals!
I read one of your posts on another thread and I'm really glad you replied to mine. You're right. I have to change myself, because I can't change anyone else. When I exercise, I'll just pretend whatever ball i'm throwing or punching bag i'm hitting are the neighbors. :P
I think candeka is right.. I know all about making excuses but I know how hard it its too. For me, I'm the one with the kids (screaming sometimes lol) and I live with my motherand stepfather right now, and it was just to easy to say, well they have junk food in the house so I don't have the will power to not eat it. And I lived like that for a long time until I realized that this is my life and my problem and they can eat what they want and my kids can keep me busy all day but i need to just do it. And I have been and its working. I know your situation is different but we all have something to deal with that makes this harder for us, but once you make the decision to just do it, it can work. I know you can do it!
I read one of your posts on another thread and I'm really glad you replied to mine. You're right. I have to change myself, because I can't change anyone else. When I exercise, I'll just pretend whatever ball i'm throwing or punching bag i'm hitting are the neighbors. :P
YES! Hahaha. That's a perfect way to get your frustrations out! I'm glad you didn't take my response as rude. I just know that nothing changes until we ourselves stop blaming other people and making excuses for our failures. I used to make excuses all the time. Things like my living room being to small, outside being to cold, my family genes, my husband not exercising with me or healthy food taking to long to cook. However, since I gave up blaming other things and realizing that it was getting me no where, I have finally started seeing changes in myself from both appearance wise and my attitude towards myself.
I feel sorry that you have to deal with so many of life's distractions at once, but I agree with Candeka that you just have to pull it together and deal with things and not allow it to be your reason for not doing well.
We all have difficulties. Maybe yours are worse than mine. Maybe mine are worse than the next person's. I'm not sure what you mean about hoping whatever medical condition you have just stops or goes away, but that isn't likely. If you have a medical condition that needs attention, take care of it.
Applying for a better job might be a change for the better. Saving to move to a house in a better neighborhood is a great idea. Praying about things is a wonderful thing, too, especially if your prayers are also for the patience and wisdom to deal with your current situation.
Make your own home a place of peace and comfort. The noise won't go away, but by not letting it get to you, you can eliminate the negative feelings it causes. I've said many times that losing weight is a mental game. Now I'm going to say that life in general is a mental game. If you don't get it straight in your head first, nothing else is going to matter. Try to see the glass as being half full. You have a home. You have us. You have a plan (or if you don't ask for help and we'll get you going.) Now, just do it. Good luck. Sometimes the way we look at things makes all the difference.
I'm not sure what you mean about hoping whatever medical condition you have just stops or goes away, but that isn't likely. If you have a medical condition that needs attention, take care of it.
I had my gallbladder removed in December and ever since I've been having a lot of problems. I'm having worse attacks than ever without the darn thing! So I've had to go through a lot of testing and specialists so they can find out what's wrong and fix it. It's not fun at all waking up 3 times during the night with an attack that leaves you screaming and in tears. So that's why I haven't applied for a job yet, because I don't want to make a bad impression or end up getting fired/having to leave or whatever, because of a medical condition. This has already happened once, which is why I haven't applied for another job yet. It's just driving me crazy sitting around and doing nothing. I feel like I should be productive, but I don't know what to do! I thought, I have all the time in the world, this will be a great time to start losing weight, but you are so right, it's a mental thing and my head is just so crazy with thoughts right now that I can't get my priorities and thoughts straight. I hope I can work myself out soon, I'm just not sure how to go about doing it. I've never had this probably before. I'm usually a very smart and fully aware person, but lately I just feel stupid and helpless.
While I don't know your total situation, have you thought of applying for a pell grant and student loan and moving to a smallish, community with a 2 or 4 year college?
Life gives us lots of options, we just have to get off our butts and take advantage of them.
I completely understand your problem, home should be the place where you feel safe and at peace, your little tranquility bubble. Too bad your neighbors can't understand that they need to respect others if they want respect in return. If there's no chance you can move into a new house anytime soon, try and make the best of the situation you're in, whenever they're too noisy put on your headphones and blast your favorite music. Whenever I feel the need to clear my thoughts, I find that a nice walk by myself really helps. There's something about taking deep breaths of cold air that just makes me see things in a whole new perspective.
You shouldn't allow your neighbors to affect your life to the point where you'd give up your weight loss goals, you're the one in control of your own actions, simply block all the negativity from your mind and be strong!
You might want to incorporate yoga / stretching / meditation into your daily routine. Also, have you thought about finding a housemate to share your a new place (and associated expenses) with?
Some of my relatives also had pain/problems after gall bladder surgery; do stay on top of it, but (at least in the experience of everyone I know who has had this done) it CAN be cleared up pretty soon.
Take care of you, and let us know how you're doing : )
Hey, hey hey! You have a shitty apartment? Some folks live on the street or in shelters. YAAAY! life is good!
And thank goodness the neighbors have only 2 children or 3 or whatever they have. So it isn't as loud as it could be. YAAAY! Life is good!
There are lots of places that need volunteers. They can't fire you! They will likely be thrilled for any help you can give. And it's a funny thing, when you can help someone else...it makes you feel really good about yourself. It might be just the ticket to feel like you are in a pretty good place after all. YAAAY! Life is good!
Okay, so I am being a little bit sarcastic, but there is also some truth in there too. Sometimes when things seem hopeless, if you can turn them around, or see things from the other person's perspective, then maybe you can have a better perspective and that in turn can help you get started in a better direction. I know there is a proper term for it, and it's something like "kind thinking", but I can't remember exactly what. Regardless, it's true.
I certainly don't mean to imply that you don't have a difficult situation. And to you, you must feel very alone and afraid and angry and frustrated. But Santa isn't going to fix it, so I hope you will look for ways to help yourself until it actually DOES get better! And if you work at it it will. Been there, done that, got the battle scars to go with the T-shirt!
Have you ever tried earplugs? I am dead serious. Kids make noise, some make a lot of noise, and that's just life. It is not something you can change by complaining about it and making excuses. What you CAN change is your reaction to it, or your situation. Other posters have made brilliant suggestions, but I must second doing some yoga or relaxation exercises WITH headphones on. That will lower your stress and help you block the 'unblockable' noise (which, I am here to tell you, can definitely be tuned out. I used to wake to any noise and now I can sleep through all three of my little ones jumping in their beds if I am not purposefully turning on monitors ).
Using this as motivation is excellent - turn this annoyance into your rocket fuel! Focus tirelessly on a goal of getting the best grades you possibly can and applying to every job you can think of that would improve your situation. Fixate on working as hard for your success as you are, annoyed, at them!
I don't tolerate whining well, especially from adults, so forgive any harsh tone. I really want to help you out, but it isn't me or the kids next door who are the make or break of your success.
It's you.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 02-13-2012 at 08:06 PM.
I have compassion, I lived in a shitty building for years. And the earplug idea suggested above is a good one, not a solution but a tool to cope for now. Children do make noise but this sounds excessive. Look into noise bylaws where you live as you may consider phoning the police if after hours or if you are concerned about safety or neglect. Also do you have a landlord? If so write complaints but keep the letters informational and not emotional, state times when noise is excessive. Again may or may not help but tenants have rights and although we live in a community and should tolerate everyday living this does sound excessive.
I also suggest you talk to someone, you sound really stressed. Do you have someone close to you you can call or visit when it gets really bad? If so do so.
I also agree that if it is during the day and really noisy put on loud music or a dvd to dance or workout to at that time.
And maybe plan walks, are there safe places to walk in your neighbourhood? I used to live downtown in my city and even there I found quiet sanctuaries. I would walk in a cemetary or find quiet libraries to read in.
As for work I am not sure if you should or should not be working you would have to see a doctor about that.
You may also consider going to an employment office in your area as they usually offer free courses and help to find jobs.
I don't know the services in your area but do some research online.
Moving is not easy and maybe it is something you can work towards, a goal.
Good luck and keep us posted. Don't give up on yourself.
You should not be having gall bladder-type pain after your surgery. Have you been checked for stones in the bile duct? They can cause that pain, and can still be present after the gall bladder is removed. Please go to your doctor again and tell them you still have a problem and you wonder whether you still have some stones there. Waking up from pain 3 times a night is not normal.
Sometimes I get really discouraged.
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