forming some thoughts about self acceptance at current weight (LONG)
Hi everyone,
I'm gestating an idea and wanted to get some feedback from all my great friends here. Writing this post will help me iron it out in my mind too. I love and trust you all so your thoughts are important to me.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life, in the sense that it has always been a mental issue for me. The highest I've ever weighed (besides pregnancy) was 174 and that was right before I started SB. Growing up, my mother nagged me about my weight constantly, starting from when I was 5 years old. I always felt fat. Looking back on pictures from my childhood there were times I looked overweight (and was) and others I did not (and wasn't) but I could never see myself as I really was. I always felt HUGE and since the age of 8 (literally) have either been on a diet, thinking about going on a diet, meaning to go on a diet, or feeling guilty because I was not currently on a diet. These thoughts about dieting and needing to lose weight have always been at the back of my mind for my whole life. Interestingly, there were two periods of time where I lost a lot of weight due to stress and thought my weight problems were "over." But I kept getting back up to around 160-165 as an adult which seems to be my setpoint, meaning I do have to diet to get below that weight, and be vigilant to maintain any loss.
Yesterday I just had an idea: what if I just decide to remain at this weight, and not focus on losing pounds or inches, and instead just focus on eating more healthfully and exercising more (without a goal of getting "smaller"?). Right now my clothes seem to fit ok, I'm a size 12 in Old Navy jeans which seems fairly reasonable to me. I'm so tired of buying "goal" clothes or buying clothes that fit right now (thinking I'll discard them "when I lose weight"). By the insurance tables my current weight (between 160 and 163) is about 10 lbs. over what I "should be" but I don't think this is really so terrible. I'm 5'8" and have a medium/large frame to begin with.
I'm still mulling this over in my head and welcome all your thoughts, any thoughts on what I have written. Anxious for feedback~
If you are satisfied with where you are right now, I think it's a good idea to just focus on maintaining. This may be your set point, and I think you'll be much happier and less stressed with just making healthy food choices and exercising. Your body may just need a rest after years and years of dieting and is resisting shedding any more pounds.
I don't know if I'm satisfied. The thought of BEING satisfied feels very freeing to me. But I've got to give up the idea that my life will be different if I just lost weight. An idea I've been walking around with my whole life.
I don't know if I'm s
Satisfied. The thought of BEING satisfied feels very freeing to me. But I've got to give up the idea that my life will be different if I just lost weight. An idea I've been walking around with my whole life.
I think thats a wonderful idea. I was three years into my most current attempt to lose weight and finally i realised that my progress was so slow because weight loss and being a size 6 wasnt truly my goal. It didnt motivate me, so i didnt stick to it. What i wanted was to feel like i was taking care of myself and treating myself with love and respect. Of course, i feel best when i am sleeping, eating, and drinking right, and exercising. so i end up losing weight doing that. It just isnt the motivator for me. Tackling the whole subject from the, what can i do nice for myself today? Mentality made a world of difference.
Maybe you should give that a trial run. Try eating and exercising the way you're envisioning for a few weeks and see how it goes. Don't focus on weight loss or anything for a given amount of time and see how it goes.
Even if someday later you want to lose more weight, that doesn't mean you cannot maintain your weight right now for however long you want. You can take an indefinite break and later, if you want to, you can focus on losing more weight.
I maintained my current weight for a year without budging much at all. Now I'm ready to lose again. Sometime a break is good for diet fatigue.
I think it's a great idea to refocus! Try to think about feeling good. Eat healthy, get exercise, and do things that make you happy! I really believe that positive energy has a lot to do with how our bodies respond. When you can let go of the stress and refocus on positive things, your body will follow.
So you aren't settling. You aren't maintaining. You aren't taking a break. But your brain is calling the shots so you need to make her happy first. What do you enjoy doing? Sewing, walking the dog, shopping, pottery...? Focus on those things and your body will respond accordingly.
I think its a fab' idea! People always say that rather than get to a goal weight, you should get to a weight that's healthy & it should be somewhere that you feel comfortable/happy in yourself. Sometimes starting out on a diet you don't know what your ideal weight is, and sometimes the "ideal weight" we read about online and in books etc. is a tough weight to stay at once we get there. My goal weight is 150lbs but if I get close to that and feel that I look good and feel happy in myself around the 160-170 mark then that is where I will stay. Good on you for giving this thought!
I think that's a good weight for your frame and height, especially if you have a D-cup or larger. Don't forget breasts add weight.
I was 5'6" and 165 pounds, and I wore a size 12. My goal weight is 175 because that will put me in a 12/14. I was SO much happier at that weight because I was a leeeetle bit overweight but not fat. I look great in my old pictures.
I think, for those of us with larger frames and size 12 bodies, people seem to think we could be skinny so easily, but we're beautiful right where we are.
Your health is the most important thing, so focus on eating better and exercising every so often. Everyone should do that, no matter what weight they are, so I think you have a good thing going for you.
I lost most of my 100 lbs without trying to. I focused on ignoring my weight, and focusing on making healthy changes I was willing to make forever - whether or not they resulted in weight loss.
Weight loss became one of the rewards, not the goal. When weight loss didn't happen, it was no big deal, because I had other rewards in place for meeting my goals.
I've tried and failed at weight loss all of my life, but making weight loss a reward (but not the only reward) rather than the goal, has helped tremendously.
I'm a bit more weight loss focused now, but I still constantly remind myself that weight loss isn't the primary goal, it's just the side benefit of meeting my real goals (gaining health, strength and stamina by eating better and moving more).
By far the most important benefit of de-emphasizing weight loss, is the impact on motivation. If weight loss isn't the goal, then failure to lose can't affect motivation. If my goal isn't weight loss, then gains and stalls don't demotivate me. And remarkably that has worked for me (though I have had to remind myself many, many times that I'm not "doing this" to lose weight, I'm doing it to feel better, get healthier and stronger, and make my life better.
I have made weight maintenance an important goal - so once I lose a pound, I do work hard to maintain it - but I remember that the weight is a result of my "real goals."
If I can only remember that this isn't really about weight loss, I will never have a reason to regain. And I don't fear regain anymore, because I do know that if I remember that this is about far more than a number on the scale, then I won't be motivated to give up and return to habits that made me sick, weak, and miserable.
Isn't it funny how we torture ourselves with this stuff? I'm not perfect. I'm not what I was. I'm not what I want to be. I'm not what I ought to be. I'm in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and victory eludes me. Those are all common threads of thought we share. I am trying to retrain my brain. (Mind over matter, literally.) Sounds like you are too.
I am not perfect compared to someone on a magazine cover, but I am perfectly happy in my marriage and life's work. I am not the thin girl I was when I first married, but I am still the girl who loves her life, loves to laugh and loves her husband and is loved back. I'm not what I want to be, but I am someone who will always strive and push to the next level in everything, so I am learning to recognize my progress. I am redefining victory. Victory is joy. Victory is having this day with the ones I love. Victory is knowing I can choose my next activity and meal successfully.
As a yo-yo dieter I have thought about this myself.
My goal weight now is the weight that I was unhappy at a couple of decades ago! But I think now that it is realistic and doable.
I really believe that I now have some sort of undefined food "issues" because of my years of off and on dieting. Of wanting to be just that bit thinner. If I had been satisfied at that weight once upon a time, not trying to drop a few more pounds, maybe I'd still be there now and not have GAINED a ton in between as I went up and down and up.
I struggle to maintain. So I think if you have a place where you can be comfortable with yourself and with what you eat and maintain - go for it! Live there for a while and see how that feels. Then decide if you want to focus again on losing or not. Or maybe on changing your body with exercise... or... not.
I think I understand how you're feeling. I got down lower (actually 10 lbs lower) a couple of years ago...was there for maybe...2 days! And maintained maybe 6-7 lbs lower for about a year. I suddenly jump 2-3 lbs every 6-12 mos (that needs to stop though!).
I keep trying to get back down to that point, and always struggle. And then I tend to ask myself, "why?". Why do I want to? I wear a size 4-6. I am in excellent shape, I can easily run 6 miles and swim 20 laps (never thought THAT'D happen!!). I do not have a perfect body as the magazines show me, but at 5'3" and pear shape, I never will.
What's my goal? And that's when I give up trying to lose it, and maintain about where I am at. LOL..then a few weeks later, I'll try it again!
Maybe it's my nature to go against the grain or maybe not but I can't speak from any type of experience here. A size 12 *is* my goal.
I think if you evaluate that this is not just an attempt to eat what you want (this is what I do - even though I've never hit goal nor been within less than 30 pounds of it) and that you are happy, I say give it a whirl. Evaluate yourself often. Make sure you are still happy. And if so, I hope it sticks!!!
Maybe it's my nature to go against the grain or maybe not but I can't speak from any type of experience here. A size 12 *is* my goal.
A size 12 is my goal too, LOL.
Mmckellen, as long as I've been on this board, you've done a great job.
I am pretty much at the same place mentally - and I've been reading articles on hitting the "dream weight" and being able to maintain that weight. I've been thinking about this a lot, actually - because as much as I'd like to get down to 180 - 190 I've come to the realization that it may not be possible.
I'm trying to get to a point where I'm good with that.
Although right now, I am well above where BMI charts say I should be - my primary care physician tells me all the time that I'm actually in very good shape. And even though I am over 200 pounds, I can run, I work out pretty consistently, I eat healthy, my bloodwork and cholesterol are normal, and I feel good.
So as much as I'd like to be down to 180 - I just don't know if I can do that realistically, without spending my life in the gym.
And I know virtually that you're right there in the gym with me.
So I don't really have any advice on this one, but know you're not alone. And maybe, as someone else suggested above, it's good to take a "weight loss break" and just focus on living a healthy life for a little while.
Last edited by grneyedmustang; 01-29-2012 at 01:18 PM.
forming some thoughts about self acceptance at current weight (LONG)
