Yup. You read that right. Last night I really wanted some cookies chocolate covered and my roommate was helping me stay away from them and threw them in the trash. I was safe last night. I am recovering in another program but have been to OA meetings before. I was feeling nutso tonight and dug through a day and a half's worth of trash to get to these cookies and ate two of them. I then went into the fridge and ate two butter mochi pieces. I made an omelete to get some protein in me and that stopped the crazy eating, which really isn't bad, I just guilt myself on not losing weight or losing and gaining the same five-ten pounds over and over again. Then I started recording myself singing on my laptop to distract myself from eating the rest of the box of cookies. Earlier today I was craving chocolate and got some sugar free frozen yogurt. That could have triggered the cravings. I also just launched a website for myself (I am actress in Los Angeles) and posted it to my facebook and haven't gotten any responses which made me question why am I even doing this and thinking I'm too heavy blah blah blah all the lies we tell ourselves. I just had to reach out to someone and it's too late to call anyone I feel, plus I don't really feel like talking to anyone. I really need to go back to OA. I'm going to check out a meeting tomorrow. I've also been not eating bread and have tried to cut out sugar though that hasn't gone anywhere. I went three days and then snapped. I ate a two pound bag of apples with peanut butter a couple days ago! I have given up sugar before for thirty day periods and it was hard but I didn't go crazy! I had intended on giving up sugar from new years to valentine's day and have fallen on my face since christmas with any changes.

Basically, I feel like a total crazy crazy person. I've been focusing on losing weight which is a trap for me which always ends in weight gain. Wish me luck for tomorrow checking out a meeting, anyone that relates would be great to hear from. I'm so grateful for these forums, they've helped me so much since I discovered them over the summer. Sending you all love and support xoxox

I used to do this. Who am I kidding? I sometimes still do it and I don't know why. I understand how difficult it is and the feelings of humiliation that come with it

You sound similar to me...when you're bored or upset, you eat. I still struggle with this and try to keep myself busy as much as possible. The only solution I can offer is to drink the biggest glass of water you can find when you feel like eating. If you're still hungry, then maybe you're actually hungry. If the feeling goes away, then you probably weren't hungry at all.

I reward myself for abstaining from sugar.
I do what needs to get done.
Climaxing is a better rush than sugar bingdeing.

Sorry to laugh, but lol, I totally did this. I never thought anyone else would. So I think it's funny. But at the time I was totally disgusted with myself. Mine was icing that I used for cupcakes that I made for someone else. I was having huge sugar cravings and needed something. I've gotten rid of everything else and I had thrown the icing away. But I knew it was in there and combed through the trash to get at it. And then I ate half a container of icing which is disgusting in itself.

I'm not sure what the best answer is. I think supplementing it with better foods that will help with crushing those cravings is a good idea. I don't have those foods in my house at all. I'm not even making things for neighbors. When my mom and I made candy to give as christmas presents, we did it over at her house. But I still get the cravings. I don't go to the grocery store hungry. That's a huge help. I'm fighting it daily though. I'm actually worse with salty, high fattening foods than I am with sugar. So fighting the food delivery cravings are hard too. But I take it day by day these days. And I don't beat myself as much anymore when I don't get it right.

Anyway, good luck. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

I both laughed and hurt inside reading your post. I have done this so many times before and when I look back I visualize myself hunched over my garbage can searching feverishly for that half bag of chips I threw out or even to eat the last few french fries that fell out of the container and into the bottom of the bag. It makes me sad.

I can't necessarily help with the emotional side of binge eating as it is different for many of us but I can tell you that going forward it is IMPORTANT to sabatoge the food before it goes in the trash. Drench it with water or milk or whatever before you throw it away. My issue was chips so instead of keeping it in the bag I'd dump the bag out before I threw away.

I'm glad you are finding professional help from an OA community. You have lost 15 pounds so far and are doing great! Just keep plugging along and forgive yourself for the speedbumps along the way. Might slow us down but it will NOT stop us!

Take care of yourself.

I've caught myself doing this and it scared me. If I throw out food, I ruin it first by adding water to it in the sink and making it nasty.

I haven't done this in years, but this sparked a memory of me in my younger years going through the trash at school. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me, because of my obsession with food.

Wow, I've never said this to anyone.

I'm guilty too.

I'll use the water trick also. Run a whole lot of water over the food in the sink and then use the garbage disposal (if possible). That way it's gone forever and there's no way I can even attempt to dig for it.

That's a great idea. I never thought of that. Of course there is probably something subconscious in me that wants to know that it still exists for me to eat even if it is in the trash. Sad but true.

Heck, I thought I was the only person that did that. I haven't for a while but just the memory of it makes me feel really sad, I mean that food has that much control over me that I would do something like that. These days I chuck things straight into the big bin outside, I can just imagine the faces of my neighbours if they caught me rummaging through that

I totally sympathize, OP, but I think you're also being too hard on yourself. If you are at the weight your tracker says, and you are 5'10 1/2, you are at a healthy weight! I can understand trying to have better eating habits and be healthier in general, but it sounds like you are very critical of yourself and your body with no reason! I am sure it is difficult to be in LA, trying to get acting gigs, and not compare yourself to every stick-skinny beach bunny out there.

Been there, done that.......many times........It is just so hard.

I never actually ate it out of the trash but I caught myself thinking it before. Getting over emotional eating was very hard. I was a stress eater and very stressy. I still have moments but by and large over it.

Life is Hard, Food is Easy by Linda Spangle woke me up to "head hunger" and "heart hunger."

Cookies are nurture or heart hunger. Are you seeking comfort?

A.

I have done this, and judging by the other replies I think MANY people have...there was even a sex and the city episode where miranda digs through the trash to eat the betty crocker brownie cake she had thrown out..and to stop herself from eating out of the trash she pours detergent on it! I've done this too...very helpful during the times when you lack self control Don't know what to tell you since I myself am weak when it comes to food..but then I get myself back on track and have a good streak, digging through the trash or even BUYING those foods in the first place is just unimaginable. So, all I can suggest is if you have another episode, don't hate yourself, forgive yourself and get back on track. Also, I've done the whole sugar-free diet and I as well was successful for a month but then fell off the wagon. Now i'm doing it in moderation, i AVOID sugar but I don't tell myself that I CAN'T have ANY and I find that after a week my cravings have subsided because I know the food is there and isn't forbidden..its all psychological as there is a huge difference between I CAN'T have it (all the more tempting) and I WON'T have it which you will see gives you a feeling of empowerment as you are making the choice to be healthy and resisting your temptations. Good luck

Geez, there are so many fabulous replies to this and who knew there were so many of you guys out there!!! It so nice to know when you admit something you're not alone, I figured I'd say something and some people would come out of the woodwork. I am so gratufel for all your replies, I am feeling much better. I cut out a lot of carbs after this and am feeling so much better, the cravings have dies down. Over the next day I threw out one cookie at a time, It was all I could do! And I unwrapped each one and crumbled it into the trash. Very helpful advice. Otherwise who knows? I called a friend too and asked her to help me stay away from it. I now feel so much safer, but those days creep up. And thank you for reminding me to be kind to myself, I really am healthy, and my high expectations of myself can make me all the more judgemental of my own behaviors. You're some awesome women