I have been finding this week ultra hard...somehow something just hit me like a ton of bricks.
I'M FINDING THIS WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY SUPER HARD RIGHT NOW!
I've lost 20 lbs and it feels great. My body is so much more better because of it..
I think I'm slightly stressed out..I have alot on my plate, I'm a single parent of two kids, I'm a full-time university student, and I'm trying to lose this weight that's weighing me down..
A very negative and slightly traumatic event happened a couple of months ago, I was sexually assaulted(raped) by a friend ( I didn't know him that well) and I guess I was in denial for awhile. I've gone to the police. Gave them a statement, they haven't arrested the guy..I didn't get a rape kit done, because I was in lalala land for like two weeks..basically shock. I have been going to counselling and its helping..I just feel the counselor has no idea how it feels..they have never had happen to them..kinda like a single person teaching a parent how to parent..doesn't fly, ya know?
Anyway..right now it doesn't feel that bad, because I just move on and get on with life..
I think doing all the things I'm doing plus the weight loss thing is just so much.. I don't want to complain and make excuses..but like GOD..I feel like quitting my diet, quitting school so many bad thoughts..at the same time I'm talking myself out of it..still feeling strong, and kinda using the weight loss stuff as a way to control what's going on..
Thanks for reading this lengthy post..if any of you have similar experiences please share...
Last edited by SLIMplicity; 11-02-2011 at 09:36 PM.
Oh my gosh, please don't give up! You've come so far! I can't even begin to understand the stresses of being a single mom, going to school AND maintaining weight loss, but you've been doing it! Then the rape and emotional issues with that? Yet, here you are.
You could probably find a counselor who has experienced some kind of abuse, if you think that would help. I wouldn't scale back too much, but there is nothing wrong with eliminating or reducing stress, even if that means dropping a class (unless that affects your financial aid) or reducing your exercise to fewer days a week. Take care of the things you can control.
It sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on things, so there's no reason why you can't work through this!
I'm so glad you're getting counseling, but even if your counselor hasn't gone through it, the point isn't that he/she knows what it's like, but rather that they help you process what happened to you and help you find ways to handle your feelings about it (like, feeling the shock and paralyzed) and how to handle how you feel about the fact that they haven't arrested him and how you process the whole experience in your life so that it doesn't debilitate you and take over your life.
Yes, it sucks that you were raped by a friend, a guy you barely knew. It's awful and it happens to a lot women, so you're not alone. A lot of "date-rapes" don't get reported because women feel like they don't have the right to complain because they put themselves in that situation or other stuff that isn't true at all.
So, be proud of yourself for finally going to the police and letting them know what happened. You just stood up not only for yourself but for a lot of women who stay silent!!!! You're a hero, even if they don't arrest and prosecute him.
Everything that's going on is going to contribute to feeling overwhelmed, but don't quit anything yet! You're doing a great job with the 20 lbs that you've lost and even if you don't lose again for a little while, you can use the gym as a way to de-stress from all the stuff that you have going on. Exercise is a great way to handle stress and to boost yourself out of depression.
It'll be hard right now with everything... but hopefully with the counselor you'll start to figure things out and how to best handle everything. Don't be afraid to talk about the other stuff that's also going on in your life, because it's all interrelated.
SLIMplicity, I am so sorry to hear this. IMO what you need is a rape support group. A counselor is great, I'm not discounting that, but I think you need to talk to people who have been through this and have to live with it day to day.
Continue to see your counselor, but ask for a referral to a rape support group.
I don't even know where to start or how to respond. Your post hits me close to home. I wasn't recently raped but I come from a childhood of sexual and physical violence. I too am a single mother of 2 small kids.
Please remember that single mothers are more likely to be depressed and find it harder to manage with every day life espeically if you don't have a support system around you.
Being kind to you is #1. I'm so glad you are in counselling. That helps so much. It's good to hear you are taking care of you. Try not to see the weight loss as work, if your having a hard time managing exercise, then make a choice somewhere in your weight loss journey to do something for you. Like making healthy choices. You don't have to quit, losing weight is for you! Maybe be a little lax with yourself for a bit but don't give it up entirely. Being good to you will help you to heal in so many ways from what you have been through.
And try to take time out for you. A babysitter or something so you can just go out and have time for yourself. It's so important for single mothers to get out and just be you!
You can do this. You are strong, look at it, your raising 2 kids alone! Don't tell me that doesn't take strength. So tap into it girl you have it in you. Much love, you will heal, you will get through it. Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes!
I'm so so sorry that something so awful happened to you.
I've heard that rape is about power more than about sex. But instead of being the powerless victim, you went to the police, are attending counselling, and keeping your life in balance.
HUGE KUDOS to you for doing something so courageous, exhausting and difficult!!! Many people would have buckled in those circumstances!
As for your weight loss.. remember that your control over your weight/eating/life makes you feel POWERFUL. You are proving to yourself every day just how powerful you are - I think it's really important not to let that go right now.
and keep on setting that incredible example for your kids.. someday they'll realize just how amazing their mom is.
have you thought of looking up any rape victim communities online? it could be really beneficial for you to speak with others who experienced the same thing that you did. the mental affects of something like that drag you down in all areas -- of course you're not wanting to focus on weight loss! work on mending, speaking with other people who this has happened to, and take it one day at a time. don't give up, but don't be hard on yourself either. i am so sorry that happened to you, and that the police didn't take your report seriously.
Thanks all for your kind and thoughtful words of support. I felt all those cyber hugs
I am continuing with the counseling and have asked the counsellor about a support group. I have been added to the list for the next group sometime in the new year.The police have taken my statement seriously, unfortunately there just wasn't that much evidence to arrest him right away. The investigation is still underway..so who knows what they find out.
I'm also continuing my weight loss efforts. I DO feel better with each pound I lose. I am overwhelmed at the amount I have to lose, even to get to below 200 lbs. Currently I weigh 244. It has taken me since the month of July to lose 22 lbs. I sometimes feel that its sooo slow, especially when I see other people losing like 50 lbs in that amount of time... I do know that the slower you lose the more likely you will be able to maintain it.. I don't know..Maybe I just want to whine about it all...hahaha
The feelings of being overwhelmed can make you do crazy things...like post on online forums
Again thanks for your support, it means so much
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Last edited by SLIMplicity; 11-05-2011 at 11:06 AM.
Congratulations on taking charge of your life. I think the support group is am excellent idea. I would look into online groups as well. It is good that the police are looking at this seriously but remember the scumbag that did this to you will not think twice about lying about it.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. I can't imagine what it was like. But it's impressive that you're pushing through it and in counseling. That's not easy either. And congrats on the weight loss! That's awesome!
I can't relate to what you went through, but I can relate to wanting to give up. I think with the weight loss journey there are so many factors that take place. A lot of them are centered around the emotional reasons as to why we eat or binge so much. And when your emotions are going through a spin due to major events, the last thing that you want to do is work on your body. But like I said, I'm really impressed with what you've achieved so far. I haven't even come close to that. It's a daily struggle for me as well to just want to give up. But just keep pushing through. In the end I'm sure you'll feel better for it.
OMG this is so hard....hitting a rough patch..
hahaha
