Siiiigghhhh.

Ladies, I ate a hamburger today. Bun and all.

I know this might end up sounding like a "skinny girl who thinks she's fat but actually isn't" rant, but please, bear with me here.

When I decided to diet, my boyfriend chuckled at me. I didn't take offense to this, but in the half a week since I've decided to do this, I just.. don't feel like anyone's taken me seriously. I'm 5'7" and was 172 at the start of this journey.

I carry my weight very well. I have full breasts, some "meat" on the hips, and a bit on my upper arms and stomach. I don't look like what you think of when you think "overweight" but for my body height and frame, I am. According to my BMI, I should be somewhere in the range of 120-160lbs. I can tell you immeadiately where I look my healthiest and most beautiful is in the 130-140 range, and I haven't been there in years.

When I tell my friends (and my boyfriend, for that matter) about feeling uncomfortable with my weight, they chuckle and tell me I'm fine, or that "it's all the right places", or "at least you're tall. If I gain 10lbs, at my short height, it's a disaster". To the people I love and adore, my weight is never a problem. I know this is a blessing, but I'm not okay with this - this is the heaviest I've ever been, I have no idea how I got here, and it's hard when noone sees this as a problem but me.

And so, today, at a restaurant, I got pressured into eating a hamburger. It was delicious. The bun was just right - soft and a bit sweet, with a nice crust on the outside. It held up well to the thick patty (made from meat from the associated butcher's shop next door) and the gloriously melted cheese. How did this happen?

The waitress pushed me into it. "You went to the gym, and hey, you and me, we're about the same body type, and I don't look bad, so you don't either! eat the hamburger!"

As it is, I'm weak in social situations. I've accepted that I'm going to slip off plan on those days, and I get myself up and get to the gym and get back on plan ASAP. I'm okay with this weakness, and I understand that it will set me back on my goal.

I just wish that people saw things the same way as I do, and that society in general really redefines what "overweight" looks like. It's not just masses of fat hanging from every limb. Even the bit of "meat" on my hips that seems to earn me attention at the gym from lecherous a-holes is what overweight looks like.

Sigh.

First of all, don't beat yourself up too much about going off your plan for one meal! I'm sure you feel guilty (I know the feeling) but one burger won't stop you from getting to your goal.

Second, I know exactly what you mean about nobody else seeing you the way you do. One of my best friends is right on the lower end of the healthy weight range for her height but she's not at all happy with her body. She would complain about her fat stomach and big hips but I would always tell her "I would LOVE to look like you!" I don't think I would ever tell her "Yeah, I agree you do look fat" It's just not something most people would tell their friend (especially when they themselves are in the obese range). But I understand all of her frustrations because nobody will take her seriously and honestly I do see what she sees and I can understand her wanting to change her body and be healthier. That being said.. she looks great how she is and I'm sure you do too!

I'm sorry if that wasn't helpful at all to you but your story reminded me a lot of my friend and I will do my best to be supportive of her in the future.

Hi Cellie,

I can see both sides because I am the same height as you and I lost down to 163 and gained back up to 173 and when I said I wanted to lose weight people were like no you're fine. And I bet I was fine for what they thought. What they failed to take into account is that I really wanted to tone down. I work out alot and I feel as though I should look athletic, that my outsides should match my insides. I think people should be able to choose their comfortable body type and work toward it, not be trapped just because people think you look fine. I wanna look more than what I, or other people think, is fine. I wanna look at myself and think whoa, I earned this, oh yea. I also hate when people shove food and me and say things like oh, you can have this, you workout. I don't do an extra hour on the elliptical so that I can eat something you shove at me.

But, here is the thing, I looked completely fine before, and now that I am 24 lbs lower, I still look completely fine to others and I feel like my skin fits me better. I think that it is fair that I get to set my goals and go after them... but I also know that I can't beat myself up over one hamburger. So the hamburger is fine... enjoy your food sometimes, but don't let people boss you into what you wanna look like or pressure you into feeling a certain way about your food... it's your body, it's you that is eating the food, you should get to make the decisions!

I agree with Jamie! It's YOUR body, YOU are eating the food, so YOU get to make the decisions!

I think the longer into your journey, the more you will feel empowered by choosing what to eat (and you'll quickly develop a strong "no, thanks" reflex). Keep in mind that you're going to hear comments about your weight and eating habits from those you love and they're NOT going to be what you want to hear! They are probably going to KEEP telling you that you look fine, and that you're not eating enough and that you need to even GAIN weight! Ignore this with as much grace as possible. Weight is such a touchy subject for most people and this is how people deal with someone losing weight. You clearly have a strong vision of what looks BEST for you; stick to it, and don't let anyone deter you from your end goal!

While admittedly you can't know the struggle of someone who is obese (and say, even though I was obese I wouldn't know the struggle of someone morbidly obese), we still all have our own struggles with weight and where we feel most comfortable. To minimize others' weight struggles is problematic.

If you didn't want the hamburger, you shouldn't have gotten it, but you shouldn't have had someone bully you into getting it! It seems that once we're on the other side of the weight spectrum (i.e. close to or in the healthy range) that it suddenly becomes "ok" to police what others eat. As someone who was once obese, this is alarming as nobody ever said anything before—why is it ok to police my food now?

You're going to have to develop a bit of a mouth to defend yourself unfortunately. I've actually yelled at people who continually pushed food to me that I didn't want (or perhaps didn't account for in my calorie count). It gets rough at times, but if your weight is a priority, you must learn how to do it. Unfortunately we cannot change society overnight to leave us alone regarding these issues, so we sometimes have to take manners into our own hands.

On the flip side, if you want a hamburger—get it! Just eat half of it and take it home if you think it's too much We still need to enjoy ourselves after all and going out to eat and eating just half the meal has worked well for me (I still get to enjoy it without going overboard).

I think I would feel pretty awkward if a waitress tried to convince/pressure me into eating something... just seems like that's a bit outside the scope of their job!

Like others have said, it's your body! Your own goals and how your feel about yourself is what matters.

That said, a hamburger isn't the worst thing in the world. Nothing on that will kill you, especially if it's made from good quality ingredients. Sure, it's high-calorie and you won't want to eat one every day to stay on track, but if the calories/carbs/whatever you're tracking/etc are accounted for it won't break you long-term.

Thanks for all the love. Today was an on-plan day and I felt much better about it. I did overshoot the kale a little bit though and ended up a little over, though

As a follow-up, I weighed in at 167.2 today, up 2lbs from yesterday. Possibly the burger, but also highly likely that it's TOM coming to visit

RebaRamBam: Thanks As many people here have pointed out - no, I don't know the struggle of being obsese. A part of the reason I wanted to lose the weight now is because I don't want to ever know that. Obesity runs in my dad's side of the family, and I take after my Dad. All my future jobs (inteactive designer.. tee-hee) are 8-hour desk jobs. I decided enough was enough, and I wanted to take things into my own hands before it was too late.

Jamie1985: Yeah, I totally agree - it's my body, and my choice! It was honestly a heartbreaking experience because I felt I'd done everything I could. I looked at the restaurant's menu beforehand, because I know I'm weaker in person. I decided on the salad before hand, and was ready to ask them to hold the carrots. I ordered a coffee with no sugar. I did everything I was supposed to do so how did I wind up with the burger?!

wolflikeme: Yeah Luckily my parents, who both know that I'm currently on a diet, aren't being too pushy about it. They offer things like crumpets (delicious carbs) etc., but they don't try to shove it down my throat.

sontaikle: Looking back now, I think what happened in the restaurant was a part of the reason why so many people yo-yo diet. It's like as soon as you're not in the visibly obsese category, there's absolutely no reason you should watch what you eat (since, obviously you're "skinny" so you don't need to worry, right?). And yeah, I had half the hamburger for lunch, and the other half for dinner - so I at least maintained some sense of portioning It wasn't a total loss of a day!

Expunge: Yeah, that the waitress did it was honestly really odd. The friend I was with is a notorious bad-food-aholic.. but she's also about as close to a pro athlete as you can be without actually being a pro athlete, so she has a higher tolerance for bad foods than others, I think.

As someone who is and for all of my adult life have always been humongously obese, I can tell you I'm not immune. Even though society does see me as horrendously obese, it doesn't stop the food pushing.

And even at 400 lbs I was told "you're not fat" when I complained about my weight - because that's the socially acceptable thing to say. When I was working, I made a casual comment to a coworker about how hard it was to find affordable work clothes "when you're fat," and the woman said "you're not fat!" (because that's what people think they're supposed to say) and it struck me as so funny, I started laughing so hard, I nearly peed my pants (because after all, on what planet is nearly 400 lbs not fat?) And I REALLY hurt the woman's feelings.

She angrily snapped "You know what I mean."

Yep - I did. "Fat" is such a bad word in our culture that we're not supposed to acknowledge that anyone is fat, especially someone we LIKE. Fat is for rude people - or people we don't know and whisper about behind their backs. Nice people aren't fat.

But having people notice and comment on my fat, doesn't help either. I've had people (even strangers) try to "help" me with advice on exercise, what I'm eating and weight loss in general, or by pointing out that I was fat (in case I didn't notice?)

Mostly people don't know what they're talking about. Some of the advice I've gotten has been so crack-pot crazy that I would have recognized it as nonsense when I was 8 years old (I've been dieting since I was 5, and joined WW at 8, I've been studying weight loss all of my life).

You wouldn't think that a stranger would push food on a nearly 400 lb woman, and you'd probably think that at least friends and family members would know better, but you'd be wrong.

Heck, my mother is likely to combine food-pushing AND diet advice and criticism of my food choices in the same meal (sometimes almost in the same breath).

I don't think society's perception of our degree of overweight has much to do with food pushing, or for that matter even with motivation for weight loss - because no matter what you weigh there are always a lot of people who think you're too fat, too thin, or just right.

If you're easily influenced by other people (especially strangers) you'll be pulled in every different direction, depending on who you're with.

is it bad that the only thing I can think now is, "Man, that burger sounds really good!" ??? haha

what has already been said is right, but still hard to do.

My sister pushes me to eat things I shouldn't. "You can't deny yourself everything you like" --which is true-- but when I've already indulged some, I shouldn't have a huge slice of chocolate cake with ice cream on top!

that waitress... umm, wow. I know she was trying to be "helpful" and "friendly" but that's a little overboard if you ask me.

I like the advice about getting what you really want and only eating half of it-- if you can make yourself only have half-- that sounds like a good idea for eating out (if you don't eat out much, that is).