I've really buckled down and gotten serious about getting back and staying on plan this week. So far, I give myself an A+. I've been setting teeny tiny goals each day, meeting most of them, and the ones that I don't, I take each time to write in a journal and I reflect on what may have gone wrong.
One of the things I've noticed as I sit down to write each day, is I tend to write out phrases like "I can't control myself" or "I just have to eat another one" or "it scares me that I'm so out of control of what I eat." But then I think about that for a minute and decide it's nonsense. I am absolutely in control of what goes in my mouth. I know that staying on plan keeps me the size I want to be and makes me feel good about myself and that going off plan makes me gain weight and makes me feel like poo with guilt. So it's a no brainer when I look at the choices logically, but I'm allowing myself to play the victim-to-food role. I have myself so convinced that the food and my temptations are somehow more powerful than I am. As if it's a physical impossibility that I could ever walk by the cookies at work and not have one. Before I got serious this week, I was eating SEVERAL cookies and treats a day just because I'd obsess over it all day and feel powerless over the temptations and give in. As if I am truly a victim to the cookies, lol.
Anyways, once I really pinpointed why I'm allowing myself to stray so frequently, I've been trying to figure out some methods on how to find my own self control and empowerment when the temptations strike. One of the most effective ways I've found so far is to face my temptations directly. When I start thinking about cookies, I walk into the break room, look at the cookies, know that they're there, make a mental note about how we just got my favorite kind, and tell myself "I could...or I could not."
When I first tried this, I was literally afraid of even going near the cookies. I was determined to stay on plan, but my confidence was so busted down because I kept slipping up. But once I had addressed why I was slipping up (because I was convincing myself that the cookies/temptations were in charge, not me), then I got the courage to test myself. Sure enough, I realized that I can stand in front of the cookies, staring right at them, nobody is around and I could eat a dozen of them, they look just as delicious as ever...but nahhh, I don't need one, I'd rather stay on plan.
It was hard at first. My cookie habit is pretty well established. But I've gotten to the point where I can say "no thanks" and munch on carrots while everyone else is diving into the cookies. Literally facing my temptations was really helpful for me. I don't need to put myself in stupid situations like buying Oreos just to prove to myself that I don't need to eat them. But I seriously needed to remind myself that I can be right in front of my biggest vice and not go for it.
Oh that's funny I had a similar thing happen with me!
I was at a mall food court with a friend and for some crazy reason, to me, mall food is so freakin amazing. Well I saw this pizza place and it just looked and smelled so awesome. And once I get something in my head that I want, it's so hard to get it out until I have it!! I sat there contemplating whether I should get a slice or not. I had enough calories to do it but something about just using the rest of my calories on something so greasy and unhealthy made me sad.
So I decided instead of having that pizza, I would go to the store and buy small sized healthy pizza from the frozen food section! Now a days they have so many healthy versions of things like pizza, cookies, etc. And of course it's always better to have something like carrots or fruit. But let's face it. Pizza is pretty darn good and I know I couldn't go all my life without it. So finding a healthier alternative is how I deal with temptations.
When you're journalling, would it help to write "I feel as if I can't control myself" instead of "I can't control myself"? You sound like you're making fantastic progress, but these moments creep up on everyone now and again, so it's good to have a variety of strategies for tackling them.
I've been dieting for six months now, and I'm getting to the stage where I can buy biscuits and such again. I've never before gone for the approach where you take out one biscuit and put the packet back into the cupboard, but it's fine now!
It's so easy to give the power to something else. Recently, I've been back on track and for me, it hasn't been the cookie temptation, but rather the kettle corn temptation. This past week, I've been eating my allocated portion without devouring the whole gigantic bag because I'm facing it and then turning back and saying, "I choose not to eat any more of you today." I'm not powerless in front of kettle corn.
Part of that, for me, has been going back to understand why I am eating. I eat out of boredom and to take a break from work. I'm trying to change those habits and work on something (rather than be bored) or take another type of break, rather than eat as my break (I found a game I'm playing on the computer).
It is really easy to be in denial or fall into the food-victim mentality! It's crazy because we're not going to die if we don't eat that food, there is no negative consequence from abstaining... but yet, we act like there is!
Yesterday was the first time since I started in May that I went off plan. For the most part, I've been successful in being able to look at food temptations and say nope, it's not worth it to me because I'd rather stay on plan and keep having weight loss success.
But yesterday, for a variety of reasons, I made the choice to go ahead and go off plan. I was able to keep things pretty well controlled (had about 25 pistachios and 2 fun size bags of M&Ms). And the other big thing that was different than any other time I've fallen off the wagon in the past is that I consciously told myself that I am CHOOSING to have these things. I understand and acknowledge that it's off plan but I have decided to give myself this break from being on plan. And now that I have made this decision, I am going to go ahead and enjoy my treats to the fullest extent.
And that has also really helped me be right back on plan today. I had the treats, I ENJOYED them, and I know that if and when I really, really feel like the right choice is to allow a treat, I can enjoy them (or something else) again. Right now, I am choosing not to eat foods that are not on my plan, but I also know this is not a permanent thing and I am not trying to give up these things forever.
I think that for me, this was a helpful step in making sure that even when I did give in to temptation, it was still in a very controlled way and that I did not feel like I was a victim to the food (maybe a victim to PMS, but that's a whole 'nother topic! lol!)
Great post! I definitely relate to that feeling of powerlessness. To me, it feels like the decision has already been made, that by virtue of the food being present, it's a foregone conclusion that I'm going to eat it.
When I feel myself slipping into impulse mode, I try to force myself to be really deliberate about my decision- and realize it is my decision to make. I ask myself "closer or further?" meaning, will this decision get me closer to or further from my goals. It doesn't always work (I mean, there are times I know the answer is further, but I eat it anyway), but trying to be more conscious about my food choices is always a step in the right direction for me .
Change your negative self-talk to affirmations in the positive. "I can control myself." "I am not afraid because I do have control over what I eat." "I now make good choices with food." "I eat only the number or amount that I plan to eat."
It's OK to write down the things that you are fearful about, but as you noticed, it's nonsense! It becomes self-perpetuating excuses!
So underneath that paragraph, write out some of the positive statements like those above. Read them over again. Do this whenever you find yourself making those negative statements.
"Victim-To-Food"....I love that description. I had the same problem. When we had snack day at work, I couldn't take my mind off of the food. It was like it was calling me...literally. I try to keep my allowed "alternatives" around. I have my allowed cookies and snack mix and low-cal desserts/foods. I like saying "I can't have that but I CAN have this." To be honest, I don't like saying "I can't have" instead I choose not to have. I'm not always succesful though.
The whole point of my new journaling routine is to have a complete brain dump. I write as the thoughts come to my mind. So when I'm brain dumping about being mad that I gave into temptations, it comes out as "I couldn't stop myself, I was out of control." And that brain dumping process has been very helpful because I can recognize and analyze the patterns that are showing up. When I'm just free-thought writing, and I say "I was out of control," then that's an instant red flag to myself that I'm falling in the victim-to-food mindset.
For the last few weeks (until this week) I had been getting more and more out of control. I just couldn't seem to get a grip on my snacking habit. I'd eat on plan meals...and then several hundred extra calories of treats. And it was really kind of a scary feeling because I just couldn't figure out where I was going wrong. I lost 55lbs fairly easily, to be honest, and I maintained that loss for over a year. So what changed, what was suddenly different in my thinking process?
And that's where the writing came in. The physical pen to paper act of writing very private thoughts that nobody will ever read. Just writing as the thoughts come. And then go over what I wrote to figure out where the issues are. And that's how I discovered I was playing the food-victim role. Once I figured out what exactly was going wrong with my thought process when I was faced with the choice of eating a cookie or not eating a cookie, I could start working on it. It'll take practice to get myself out of the habit of saying "I can't control myself...the cookie is there, so I have to eat it." And that's why I deliberately went to the cookie tin, looked at the dang cookies, and refused to eat one.
I have been thinking similar thoughts over the past few days! I can completely relate.
Another 3FCer, in giving dieting advice to another poster said, "Reevaluate everything. EVERYTHING."
I always thought I "needed" a dessert after dinner. That I "couldn't" feel "deprived"- as we always say- or that would lead to going off plan. That I "couldn't" give up x or y.
But I CAN do all of these things, I don't NEED dessert or sugar. I don't. I was making a choice to eat bread or carbs or sweets and I didn't HAVE to make that choice.
Kind of related to this is the idea you usually hear purported that you need to substitute one habit for another- that instead of sugar reach for sugar substitute. Instead of Coke reach for Diet.
I've been reevaluating this concept lately and find it's utterly unhelpful for me. It still connotes the idea that I "need" something (cola, the taste of sugar) that I don't.
Instead, GIVE UP soda. GIVE UP sugar and its related flavors. It's doable, it's a matter of just deciding you are going to do it. Not doing so is putting a bandaid on a problem. Doing so is a more sustainable decision that will help you succeed with your lifestyle change forever.
I think I've gone on a bit of a tangent from your post, but I think the concepts behind them are highly related. We are all in control and we all need to learn to start thinking that way
I don't mean to make light of the situation, I did find all of the psychological insights about food and control quite interesting and helpful.
BUT I would like to say: THROW OUT the EFFING Cookie jar! You would be doing EVERYONE a favor. Cookies are meant to be once a month treats, for special occasions, not eaten every single day. I'm sure you are not the only one in the office dealing with weight issues.
Replace it with a bowl of apples/pears/grapes. WHO keeps bringing in the cookies?? A handful of fruit would be like, 60 cal. and packed with vitamins.
I'm all for controlling temptations, but I worked at an office where I and everyone else gained weight because of all the sweets - it was very unhealthy. If I ever work at such an office again, I would definitely say something and wouldn't be shy because NO one in America needs a smorgasbord of cookies to snack from every. single. day.
There is a feeling of empowerment also when you eliminate your temptation physically, altogether - like deleting every trace of your ex's phone number! Or when you are at the grocery store and you simply pass by something high calorie that you love, that you ALWAYS used to buy.
Facing temptations?
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