hitting bottom and getting up
we have an ant problem in our house. one afternoon in june of 2010 i had walked into my bathroom... not mindful of the fact i had sprayed for the ant outbreak that had happened in there. the fall seemed to take place in slow motion... but i couldn't stop it.
i sat there on the bathroom floor... unable to get myself up because i was too fat to... i literally crawled out into the bedroom and slowly inched my way toward the wall... to use it for leverage. it took me a good 15 minutes to get up off the ground. and it was physically painful to do so.
somewhere, laying on that bathroom floor, humiliated and horrified... i had hit rock bottom... and there was nowhere to go but up... falling that day was the biggest blessing... that was when the change happened...
i had done what i had done countless times in the past... planned a diet. terrified, because of the countless times i had failed in the past... all of them leading only to more weight. yet somehow, it felt different this time.
i had no idea how much i weighed... for a long time. best guess that i could come up with was 370 pounds. who was this person... and how did that happen. my life had spiraled out of control and i knew i was killing myself... yet seemingly unable to do anything about it except watch it happen.
over a year later... and 100 pounds lighter... i begin a new chapter.
the first 100 pounds was actually, surprisingly... pretty easy. for the most part. i took the years of diet experience i had... knowing what works for me and made an eating plan that i could live with... and i tracked my calories via an ipad app. and when i felt able... and i could register on the wii fit scale... i incorporated some exercise.
almost like a switch... after reaching that milestone... the losing stopped... i was doing the same things but hit a plateau... i didn't get discouraged but i also didn't try and fix it... i just leveled off into maintaining what i had achieved... and most importantly... i didn't gain any of the weight back. and after several weeks of staying off the scale, i stepped back on yesterday and i have begun losing again...
i changed more than my diet plan that day back in june of 2010... stuck on the floor unable to move changed something even deeper in me... i not only changed my eating habits... i changed my outlook on life... i found a clarity of vision of a path i wanted to take... one more positive... more evolved.
to understand myself... others... this life... in a bigger, better way... to spiral out... to keep breathing... keep going.
i also discovered along the way the importance of letting people in... which wasn't easy for me... being honest with people i cared about... and when i did that i found i got so much in return...
we're all lucky... none of us are alone here.
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