I've been with my boyfriend for two months. I have had a total weight loss stall for the EXACT same amount of time. I haven't gained, I haven't lost. I know that the two are directly related.
My boyfriend lives an hour and half away from me. I spend weekends with him (mostly). This has caused me to sacrafice 3 of my usual workouts. For the most part, I am staying on plan with my eating but I am having a hard time tracking my meals and getting exercise in on the weekends I spend with him.
Truly, there is no excuse for this and I realize that but for some reason I am full of excuses. There is a YMCA about two miles from his house and I am a member and am able to use the facility there if I want to. Have I yet, even once? Nope.
I started buying groceries for his house (his fridge is always BARE!) but the cost of stocking my fridge and his has become too much for me financially. I honestly have no idea how to make this work.
Last night, I laid in bed with him sobbing that I needed to get my life back on track and I was actually going to break up with the man I am falling in love with because I can't lose a ****ing pound in two months. This made him cry because he said he felt it coming knowing how bad I am struggling to lose weight since dating him (he reads my blog). Is there no other options for us? I can't have my weight loss and my boyfriend? My sister actually suggested I break up with him and not think about dating until I get to my goal weight. My heart sinks when I think about losing him.
Luckily, we decided that we'll make a greater effort at making this relationship a healthier one (by doing more "active" activities on the weekends such as disc golf and hiking) and cooking our meals and not going out. Does anyone have any other suggestions? Has anyone ever felt this overwhelmed before? I feel like I am drowning. Sigh.
I hate to think that you'd want to put your love life on hold while losing weight. I don't think I'd even consider that.
It sounds like he might even be very supportive of your healthy habits given half a chance.
Being more active on the weekends is an AWESOME idea, and cooking food at his place will be healthier and help save money! Stop buying double groceries. Why isn't he buying food for his house???
I think the biggest thing, though, (and it's something that you already recognize)... no more excuses. You're two miles from a place you can work out. It might be a more difficult to track, but really... is it TOO difficult to track? It takes an extra minute or two to write down your food intake.
Perhaps you should split weekends. Every even week he comes to you, and then every odd week you go there. That might give you the "home turf" advantage for good habits.
You can make this work. It's just going to take a little effort to find what fits, and what things you can do when traveling frequently!
I started buying groceries for his house (his fridge is always BARE!) but the cost of stocking my fridge and his has become too much for me financially. I honestly have no idea how to make this work.
Why on earth would you do this more than once? If he doesn't know how to stock a fridge, go shopping with him, but make him pay for at least half the food.
We all get a secret little high from babying our guys, and let's face it, most men are more than willing to let us take care of them. Just don't lose your "self" while pampering him. Save it for special occasions, and it will mean more to both of you.
From what you've said, he sounds like he would be pretty darn happy to help you achieve your goal. Just ask him, and if he says "no way" or is a jerk about it... well you were thinking about breaking up with him anyway, and that would be a solid reason.
I guess it should be obvious, but are you still calorie counting? Are you being mindful when you go out to eat to check the calorie count of things?
I had the same problem awhile ago with a bf, also spent the weekends together, and even going shopping together to fill his fridge to have some healthy foods for me.
The problem was I didn't calorie count at the time...there's a bunch of things I could blame it on, like going out to eat and eating the junk food whenever he did (he didn't need to lose weight and could eat anything and stay thin), but I'm sure if I counted my calories then I would of continued to lose weight.
I can sympathize with you because my boyfriend and I were bad influences food wise on each other. He's still struggling a bit with losing weight while I seem to be headed in the right direction, but I think part of it is that he's not ready yet with the right attitude for a lifestyle change. I still try to encourage him, but I've told him that if he wants something unhealthy for dinner and I'm already planning to make something on plan, then he'll have to make it for himself (but of course, he's always welcome to sample some of my stuff, especially veggies - his biggest enemy )
I agree that switching off on weekends between his place and yours could work. Something else to consider is that you might want to see if it's possible to snip 100 or 200 calories per day throughout the week to offset off plan weekend eating. If that's not an option, you could look at creating the same deficit through upping exercise a little through the weekdays - or even a mix of both options to give yourself more cushion.
Also, I know that the drive might be a little rough for this suggestions especially in the warmer weather, but is it possible for you to bring some of your own foods to his place on weekends? My boyfriend lives 20 mins from school so when I spent weekends at his place away from the dorm I would bring healthy snacks and some foods like oatmeal or a frozen dinner because he would have chips, chips, MORE chips, and his idea of fruit was a packet of fruit snacks!
If you really love each other, don't let this little bump in the road stop you. It's possible to make it through together, you just need to find what works
Dude needs to stock his own fridge, or you need to bring your food with you. Next you need to get up and go to the YMCA while you are there. There is no reason in the world you can't have a boyfriend while you get fit. My partner doesn't cook, only buys crap, never works out and always wants to eat out and chains and fast food joints. I live and let live and do what I have to do. You are control of you. If you want to start losing again you will do the eating and exercising to make that happen.
It seems like you've answered your own questions for the most part... it's just a matter of taking your own advice
There really is no excuse to not go to the gym if it's so close, so maybe get up earlier than normal and go before the day starts so you don't fee like you're wasting time by not seeing your boyfriend, or perhaps make a date of it.
Definitely cook at home more and as many others have suggested, stop buying food for his fridge. If it would help, perhaps pack a few pre-packaged snacks or bring some fresh fruit with you in case there are no healthy options when you get there... or simply suggest that you'd be more inclined to come for the weekends if the environment he provided was more accommodating.
Why can't he work out with you! If he can't, then what's one hour on a weekend where you're (presumably) spending several hours per day with him? Just join the YMCA there! He sounds like a supportive guy if he's aware of your goals and is sad to think that he is coming between you and your weight loss goal...
Plus why do you have to stock his fridge? That seems a little bit silly...if he eats junk then stash your meals in a nice lunchbag and throw it in his fridge when you get there...bring just what you plan to eat. Real easy way to watch your intake, if all of your meals are planned out like that, too!
I'm a little confused as to why the only two options for food is stock his fridge or break up? What would he eat if you weren't there? Let him figure out his own food and get what you need for yourself and only yourself. It may seem a little selfish not to share but certainly he'd prefer that over breaking up?
I'm with everyone else. Why do you have to travel to him and why do you buy his groceries? I could see maybe one or the other, but not both. Do you help pay his rent too? (Sorry, couldn't resist!)
I liked Lovely's suggestion. Every Other weekend he comes to you. Fair is fair. Home court advantage makes weight loss much eaiser.
My husband and I lived 3.5 hours apart when we were dating (2 years) and we took turns. He also bought my gas when I came to see him, and payed for groceries... Guess he spoiled me, I'm sure that's why I married him 22 years ago!
YEAH! What they said! (Sorry if this post is pointless, everybody else just hit the nail on the head!!) Heck no I won't buy your food! He should be buying YOU food! Psh.
He needs to start stocking his fridge and working out with you. If loosing weight and being fit is that important to you, he needs to step up and support that big time.
Why can't he work out with you! If he can't, then what's one hour on a weekend where you're (presumably) spending several hours per day with him? Just join the YMCA there! He sounds like a supportive guy if he's aware of your goals and is sad to think that he is coming between you and your weight loss goal...
Plus why do you have to stock his fridge? That seems a little bit silly...if he eats junk then stash your meals in a nice lunchbag and throw it in his fridge when you get there...bring just what you plan to eat. Real easy way to watch your intake, if all of your meals are planned out like that, too!
That was my first question! My BF is 6' and 160# Eats junk and doesn't need to lose weight... BUT, I have finally convinced him that skinny does not = healthy. Now, he comes to the gym with me.
I appreciate all of your advice and support. I realize that I was making a lot of excuses for reasons why I wasn't staying closer on plan when I knew these answers already. I'm happy to report that this past weekend I went to the YMCA near his house for a workout and watched my intake significantly AND no snacking! I also managed to get by without stocking his fridge and I spent a lot less money than usual.
The reason why I stay with him on weekends vs. him spending weekends with me is that due to a medical condition (he has seizures and had one while driving and had to turn in his license for six months) he doesn't drive at the moment. It's a temporary situation and I know that. It will be much more equal (every other weekend or so) once his six months is up (yay! October!!!)
Help! I can't juggle all these balls! :(
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