My dad is driving me insane. I don't understand his problem!
I clearly have a handle on this weight loss thing. I was evacuated from Japan in March and have been living with my parents for the last 3 months. In that time I've lost 7 lbs... so it's not like I'm ballooning up before their eyes or anything.
Anyway... Last night they ordered pizza and I sat down with my salad and ate it. My daughter didn't finish her slice so I grabbed the 1/4 slice and put it on my plate. I had tons of calories left over for the day. No biggie. As I go to put the dang thing to my mouth my dad goes "Don't eat it just to eat it!" So I dumped it in the trash and went to my room. He does stuff like that all the time. Then at night he'll sit around and literally eat more food than I eat in an entire week.
I, no joke, was eating a cucumber with a bit of plain greek yogurt and spices. He was sitting on the other couch eating a huge bowl of mac and cheese... and makes some comment about how snacking late at night will make me gain weight!!! Then he's all up my grill about drinking a Coke Zero every now and then. "Diet soda makes you gain weight" he says. The man is OBESE! Why is he picking on me? Heaven forbid I say a word about his eating habits.
I just want to bang my head on the counter sometimes, seriously. Leave my food out of it!
I know how you feel, my mum is on my back all the time, but it sounds like he thinks he's being supportive and has no idea how hypocritical he sounds. Either sit him down and talk to him calmly or just ignore him and he will eventually stop.
Explain your plan to him. And when he pulls stuff like the pizza incident on you, calmly stand up for yourself. You had the calories in your "budget," so you could perfectly well have eaten the pizza. You had the calories for the cuke and yogurt snack and know that eating at night doesn't cause weight gain. You know what you need to do to lose weight, and are doing it. You're an adult, and you don't have to change yourself because of other people's ignorance and hypocrisy. Even if they are your parents and you're temporarily living in their house.
Im sorry youre going through this ValRock Just know youre not alone. My family is like this too. "Why are you eating that? Youre just gonna cry about your weight later." They say these things when they have no idea what ive eaten for the day. Congratulations on being so close to goal!!! As hard as it is, dont let your dad bring you down
I hear you my friend who is heavier than me (by about 70 lbs maybe 80 lbs) and shorter than I am constantly reminds me of how much I cant eat (because of my insulin resistance, I am not medicated so I have to be careful about what I pair together with what, she thinks she is being helpful and all this and the other and it is just annoying she doesnt realize she does this among other things to drive me up the wall and down again. i will probably have to have a heart to heart with her tonight about some stuff we shall see. Hang in there and the best thing n my opinion to do is talk to him, let him know you appreciate the concern but would rather leave the topic of your plate out of the conversation.
Sorry to hear you're living in close quarters with your folks, Val. I'm in a similar situation myself until my new lease begins.
I've been pretty fortunate in that my (ever loving, ever lazy) parents have been more than happy to sit back and let me make dinners--helps me with my own progress and gets a few more vegetables into their relatively nutrition-less diets. :/
He's taking out his (subconscious?) guilt about his own food by nitpicking on you. Maybe he's aware of the stuff that he's eating and how its contributing to his weight, but doesn't want to do anything about it, or doesn't want to take responsibility for it, and its making him feel frustrated, so he's relieving that tension on you.
He's being rude and inconsiderate, but I think he has the best intentions for you and just doesn't want you to gain the weight back. As a person who is obese himself, he probably knows how hard it is and how hard it was for you. It's obnoxious behavior but it's better than family members who don't say anything at all while you stuff your face and gain weight. I'm not saying *you* stuff your face, just in general. People will watch others kill themselves... whether with food, alcohol, cigarettes... and not say anything because they're afraid they'll cause offense.
I think people who have their own weight issues deep down project this "cruelness" onto others who are trying to lose weight. It reminds them that those around them are doing something, but they're too lazy to control their own problems. It's all projection really, I'm no psychologist but I know that this happens a lot.
My Mum is obese, and she knows I'm trying to lose weight and sometimes she will comment on my portion sizes (which are fine, by the way =p). But she's the one eating weirdly (starving then binging), eats extra bread, extra bags of crisps, drinks a bottle of wine 3 days in a row on the weekend etc. The worse thing is if we're watching TV at night she'll try and project her binging onto me. She'll ask me about 10 times if I want a bag of crisps, knowing full well I don't want to snack, but she'll try really hard to convince me. Sometimes she doesn't have one herself if I'm not having one with her - because that way she'd feel the guilt of snacking. She very much likes to share the load.
Sometimes she makes meals for me and my Dad and they're super unhealthy - chips, fried stuff, the works. Then she'll sit at the dinner table eating a salad looking at us like "...Do you like your meal?" and I just KNOW she feels so self righteous because she thinks she's being good (when later she'll eat a sandwich and drink some wine).
So, I feel your frustration, as I'm sure most of us have felt at some point by our family/loved ones. I think stepping back and looking at the situation will help you. You might as well laugh it off - if he's fat then make him look at you! You look gorgeous and you've lost loads of weight - bloody flaunt that in his FACE whenever he comments on your food intake!!
Good ol' hypocrisy. Basically, it's self guilt on his part. And I think he is trying to live vicariously through you for having done so well. Maybe he thinks if hes hard on you he could be hard on himself.
I say talk to him or take it with a grain of salt. Or do what I would actually do and be blunt and horrible about it until his jaw dropped by just spitting some cold hard facts about the situation....but don't do that.
Be a duck -- let that stuff roll off your back like water.
Don't explain, don't get into it, don't discuss, don't get into HIS drama.
Whether he's worried about your handling maintainence, he's got his own weight hang ups and is projecting on to you, he's got some adjusting to living with an ADULT child in the home, whatever his bag.... it is his bag, not yours.
So don't you worry about it. Carry on like usual. If you have to, pull out your parenting bag and parent him when he acts out. Does he need a nap? Is he tired? Is he cranky and hungry?
That always startles my Dad because he expects to do the father-daughter dance when he button pushes. I can't change him trying to push my buttons, but I CAN change how I react and not play the same ol' song and get into it.
Thanks for the input everyone. It really helps to put it into perspective!
He did it again last night and I just ignored. We'd had a large brunch around 11. I'd watched my portion etc. No problem there... but he was starving again at 4 and had my mom make dinner. They were having burgers and I was nowhere near hungry. I politely let them know that I wasn't hungry and would like to have a patty later with my salad. My dad got all offended and ate them all to spite me! "You don't need it anyway" he says.
Whatever. If he's going to self sabatoge over some invisible problem he has with me, have at it. I can ignore his 2 year old tantrums.
I came in from the gym a little while ago to my father eating nachos (more cheese than anything else actually) on the couch. We had the following conversation.
Him: "Oh hey how was your workout? Did you do the elliptical?"
Me: "No, I ran on the treadmill."
Him: "OHHH Don't do that!!! Yow know you'd lose so much more weight if you just walked."
Me: "I'm not so sure about that... and I'm trying to tone up, not lose more right now."
Him: "Whatever... Whatever makes you happy"
I'm guessing...and only guessing...that he feels pretty bad about himself on his weight issues and doesn't have the desire to change now...fearing it's too late maybe?
Anyway, I think in his own way....maybe lacking the proper skills...he is trying to "coach" you into doing what he probably feels he should have taught you years ago....
I could be way wrong....
Sometimes us dads say "stupid" things....but mean well...
Rant about my father... Why does he do this???
So I dumped it in the trash and went to my room. He does stuff like that all the time. Then at night he'll sit around and literally eat more food than I eat in an entire week.
Just know youre not alone. My family is like this too. "Why are you eating that? Youre just gonna cry about your weight later." They say these things when they have no idea what ive eaten for the day. Congratulations on being so close to goal!!! As hard as it is, dont let your dad bring you down
