When I plateaued at 161, I got really frustrated, and gave myself a cheat weekend to jumpstart myself both mentally and physically.
Well, a cheat weekend turned into a cheat month. I don't think I've gone crazy with weight gain or anything, but...still. I know I need to get back on track.
But today, I checked my boyfriend's diet blog for the first time in a while (I thought he had quit updating). Turns out he's updated twice...and this last one REALLY hurt my feelings.
"My gf has disappointed me recently by completely falling off the diet at every turn. Even spending this past week with me, she couldn’t make it 5 days without cheating. Though I guess the circumstances didn’t help at the time. She was totally crushed by her lack of progress on the diet, though I can’t say how much she was actually managing to follow it at home. I guess it didn’t help that I’ve had so much success with it. Not sure if she still knows I’m updating this thing, but I can only imagine how pissed she’d be to think we were within 5-6lbs of each other..
I can’t get myself to do the workout phase. I just can’t. The motivation isn’t there. Argh. I don’t have a single outside party that’s encouraging me to do it. In fact, I’m still getting flack from my friends about the way I eat. I find it a bit hard not to feel elitist when my 300+ lbs friends make a off-color remark while shoving chips and cheese dip in their mouths though. It’s not good, but the thinner I become, the more I look down on the overweight. Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to start fixing it. Seriously, if someone as lazy as me can drop 20+ lbs just by eating different stuff…anyone could. It requires no extra effort than buying the food and preparing it."
I know he didn't mean it to be hurtful, but it is, and I'm ashamed. And I'm also frustrated, because he never believed me that I was following the diet, and that weightloss is harder for women than for men. He thought it was my own fault I wasn't losing weight.
The only thing I can do is say that I've lost 60 lbs, and kept it off for 4 years (225 to 165). Breaking 160 is REALLY hard for my body, I guess.
I know I need to get my butt in gear, and these last few days I HAVE been eating healthy. But seeing that today was like a slap in the face.
Why are you reading his diary? That's just asking for trouble when people mostly just vent there and it doesn't much mean anything other than their perceptions at one moment in time while they work through whatever it is.
As for your BF's process -- that is his to work through. As for his perceptions... those are his perceptions. It doesn't mean it is your reality.
I had a little laugh reading this one...
"Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to start fixing it. Seriously, if someone as lazy as me can drop 20+ lbs just by eating different stuff…anyone could. It requires no extra effort than buying the food and preparing it.""
I'm glad weight loss is easy for him.
But I know a lot of PCOS ladies besides me who struggle, and I know that there are other patients with things other than PCOS that struggle. It's not as simple then.
I think you rock. Sooner or later I figure out the combo to lose, but I've yet to figure out how to MAINTAIN and it creep back up. And here you have kept off 60 lbs for 4 yrs. WTG!
You are AT my goal weight! So that's inspiring to me -- that it can be achieved and maintained.
For this next phase... Only YOU know if you are putting in a good effort and what you are dealing with. Be ok with it if outsiders don't see it from your perspective or appreciate your journey. That is YOUR process, for you to work through.
Again, their perceptions are not necessarily your reality.
That sounds awful! I mean, your boyfriend probably wasn't intentially trying to hurt you...of course not! but the way he phrased things in his blog would be taken offensively by anyone. If my boyfriend wrote things about me in a blog like that, that he knew i could see...id get very upset. But stay strong girl! We are all here to totally motivate you! to get your lil butt in the gym! =]]] this is just a small bump in the road and you've already lost sooo much!
I understand the looking down on the overweight. Even though I weight as much as i do...nobody seems to think i look that weight. most people thought i was around 180 or 190 when i said i was going on a diet...and i always looked at the girls who were around 300 pounds and said "well at least i havnt gotten that big" but they're struggling too! and one day they will get the wake up call just like all of us and push their butts into gear! We are all human, we all fall into temptation, and we are all beautiful =]
i have a september 20th challenge starting right now. maybe you should join =] help with the extra motivation.
When I plateaued at 161, I got really frustrated, and gave myself a cheat weekend to jumpstart myself both mentally and physically.
Well, a cheat weekend turned into a cheat month. I don't think I've gone crazy with weight gain or anything, but...still. I know I need to get back on track.
But today, I checked my boyfriend's diet blog for the first time in a while (I thought he had quit updating). Turns out he's updated twice...and this last one REALLY hurt my feelings.
"My gf has disappointed me recently by completely falling off the diet at every turn. Even spending this past week with me, she couldn’t make it 5 days without cheating. Though I guess the circumstances didn’t help at the time. She was totally crushed by her lack of progress on the diet, though I can’t say how much she was actually managing to follow it at home. I guess it didn’t help that I’ve had so much success with it. Not sure if she still knows I’m updating this thing, but I can only imagine how pissed she’d be to think we were within 5-6lbs of each other..
I can’t get myself to do the workout phase. I just can’t. The motivation isn’t there. Argh. I don’t have a single outside party that’s encouraging me to do it. In fact, I’m still getting flack from my friends about the way I eat. I find it a bit hard not to feel elitist when my 300+ lbs friends make a off-color remark while shoving chips and cheese dip in their mouths though. It’s not good, but the thinner I become, the more I look down on the overweight. Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to start fixing it. Seriously, if someone as lazy as me can drop 20+ lbs just by eating different stuff…anyone could. It requires no extra effort than buying the food and preparing it."
I know he didn't mean it to be hurtful, but it is, and I'm ashamed. And I'm also frustrated, because he never believed me that I was following the diet, and that weightloss is harder for women than for men. He thought it was my own fault I wasn't losing weight.
The only thing I can do is say that I've lost 60 lbs, and kept it off for 4 years (225 to 165). Breaking 160 is REALLY hard for my body, I guess.
I know I need to get my butt in gear, and these last few days I HAVE been eating healthy. But seeing that today was like a slap in the face.
Do this for YOURSELF!! My father is 72 yrs old and he was on the IP diet for 3 months and lost 50 pounds! He is my motivation and the image I see in the mirror! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!
If I were in your position, I'd get my workout by running away from him!!! Stop worrying about his intentions; he expressed his feelings in black and white for all of the world to see. He's disappointed in YOU, he knows that you're having a tough time but he doesn't care to encourage you. Instead he talks about you behind your back, KNOWING THAT IT WOULD PISS YOU OFF!!! Would you keep a friend around who did that to you? Think about it. He's made it known that he looks down on the overweight and you are in that group so guess what?
He's looking down on you, and he posted it for all of the world to see.
If he really loved or cared about you, he'd tell YOU or a close friend of his how he felt. He would not KNOWINGLY post online without your knowledge but knowing that you could find out that he's disappointed in you and in your inability to stick with the diet. Instead, he'd tell you and find ways to help you achieve success with the diet or with another one. He would have encouraged you and helped you out, not publicly tear you down. Would you tolerate that from a girlfriend? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you post something like that on a blog for heaven's sake?!
My friend and her ex boyfriend gained weight, and when they moved in together they gained even more. When he lost the weight faster than she did, he dumped her. We found out that he was talking about her weight and how he wasn't attracted to her anymore behind her back to his friend, his coworker and to another woman no less. At no time did he say anything like that to her face (probably because my friend doesn't take crap). He eventually started to pull away from her, she spoke to him about it, he acted like his old loving self for a little while and then BAM! He dumped her.
Even if your bf sticks around, he probably won't be attracted to you. Who wants to be with someone who isn't enamored with her JUST AS SHE IS! You're young and attractive; you don't need that. Besides, you loved him when he was 20lbs heavier, don't you deserve the same? Men who love women are proud of their women, they say good things about her and they defend her, not express their disappointments about her to complete strangers to see and know about their gfs. If I were you, I'd dump him, get my own diet buddy if I needed the support, lose the weight on my OWN diet, then rub it in his face. I'd be the best thing he never had.
Until you decide what to do, don't lose your cool and DO NOT tell him your feelings until he's noticed that something is up. If he asks, tell him something is wrong but you can't discuss it right now. By the time you're ready to talk, he'll be receptive if he cares about you. If he is not and/or is defensive, making excuses, etc. then you have confirmation of how he really feels about you and then you can take it from there. Good Luck!
It's not his diary - it's an online blog, able to be accessed by anyone surfing the Internet, right?
I wonder if your boyfriend is slightly fearful of confrontation, and posted to his blog hoping that you might read it. It's tough to share feelings of disappointment with loved ones, and maybe for him this was an easy out. I don't condone his actions, but hey, at least you have some insight into his true feelings.
Now, what do you do about it? Have a mature, open conversation about it? Maybe doing so will get some feelings on the table, and he might even end up understanding your point of view and offering you the support you need. Communication, however difficult it may be, is key!
Sorry this happened to you...good luck resolving it, and on your very impressive weight loss to date!
Last edited by fatburner77; 06-22-2011 at 01:23 PM.
Reason: typo
Who does your bf think he is ? The official diet police ? It is up to you what you will eat, how you will eat, when you will eat. I am really angry at your bf and I don't even know him. This is a very controlling individual, do you need someone like that in your life?
If any bf of mine said I had dissapointed him , I would say" don't let the door hit you on your way out."
When someone loves you they love you the way you are and show support and concern, but never dissapointment.
It's a sh***ty thing for him to say. Of course you feel hurt.
Personally, I have a problem with ANY man who tells women how easy it is because it's easy for him. It doesn't work the same way for us--not physically ever, and usually not mentally.
I don't think you should beat yourself over a plateau especially when you've come so far!!! You just need to remind yourself when you make the excuse not to exercise that you are not helping your goal to become 145.
It's hard. We all know it is. And we will all have moments where we will stumble on this journey, but we'll need to get back up and continue. The best thing you've done is realize that you were making mistakes (which I am sure you knew long before you read your BF's blog) and acknowledge that you've got to get back into the swing of things.
If it were me, I wouldn't say anything to him. Get back on your diet. Get back into your routine and say absolutely nothing about reading the entry. Don't focus on the hurt, anger or disappointment you felt when you read this. Instead start thinking about whether or not this is the kind of person you really want in your life. When he saw you slipping back into bad habits, he could have encouraged you to go for a walk with him. He could have called you when you guys weren't together to try to help motivate you to stay on track. He could have loved you enough to talk to you about why you're making poor choices when you were doing so well. Instead he chose to post about your behavior on the Internet where anyone that knows you guys could have seen it. Talk about awkward.
If you choose to talk to him about it, don't come off as angry. Just simply, let him know that if he was so bothered or concerned by what was going on with you, then he could have just talked it over with you. You're not an ogre, you're his girlfriend. And while, you were hurt about what he posted, you're more disappointed that he couldn't come to YOU and share it with YOU.
Men...who needs them, besides there might be deeper issues arising if he really has a problem with the fact your 5'8 and in a a healthy range of weight that you should be. Sure your goal is 145 which is healthy still but give me a break! Men don't get woman lose weight differently and it takes longer for us to shread the pounds we need to. I'd talk to him about it for sure.
I'm really at a loss for words over his behavior. I think what he did was rotten, and if he's afraid of confrontation, then he needs to get over that real fast because in any relationship, there will need to be discussions and issues confronted.
I personally think you should leave him a nice comment on the blog and thank him for discussing your food issues with everyone besides you.
This is hard, but I'd take detailed inventory of the relationship and ponder some things. If this relationship survives the long haul, and you get married and have a baby, will he blog about how you've had the baby and the weight won't budge? How you're lazy and how easy it was for him to lose weight, so losing baby weight should be nothing?
You're an inspiration to many people here on this board, and don't you let this guy have you thinking otherwise. We all have off days or even weeks. It's how you pick yourself up and move on from those low points that really define you, not the bad month you've had.
When I was in my early 20's I was underweight by about 5 pounds.
My boyfriend told me...in front of all his friends...that I was getting FAT!
I had not gained weight in 5 years. I was always a very skinny kid.
He meant to embarrass me in front of all his friends. Crazy. Anyone could see I was very thin. But he sure picked the wrong subject with which to try and embarrass me with.
He had some kind of personal problem and he was venting something...what, I don't know. But it was some kind of crazy emotional abuse he was trying.
So that was the last time I went out with him. I kicked him to the curb.
You don't need to have anyone write such rude things about you .. for anyone to read in the internet. He means to embarrass you and get you hurt and angry. It is some sort of emotional abuse he is starting up. It will only get worse.
Your weighing 161 at 5'8" is not exactly being rotund.
Find someone else who is more appreciative and supportive.
Since he took the time to write about you, then maybe you should write how you are taken aback by his rudeness, and how dissapointed you are to have to kick him to the curb.
Don't ever put up with anyone's abusive behavior. Drop them like a rock..on the spot.
Hi Pickles! Just wanted to say it'll be ok and I'm sorry. Don't let his post get you down, because it sounds like you've been maintaining for 4 years, and that's a big deal (great job). No, men don't get it.. it IS easier for them to drop the lbs.. The fact that you've lost the weight and have kept it off is something to be proud of.
I'd be really upset reading a blog entry like that too. I'm not sure if he intended for you to read it or not.. I'm not sure why he didn't try to help instead of criticize behind your back.. that's not really helpful. I'm not going to say he's a good or bad guy because EVERYONE says hurtful things sometimes.. whether he was frustrated because he felt he was missing out (on food) when you were indulging or whether he was venting because your cheat month made it harder for him to work towards his goals (like he criticized his other friends for eating bad foods in front of him). Regardless, you can either talk to him about it (if y'all are involved in each other's weight loss/fitness) so y'all can help keep each other going.. or don't talk to him about it and leave him out of your weight loss journey (if you think he's not going to be a help/positive influence regarding it). It matters more how he treats you to your face and what he says in real life than what he posts on his blog.
He shouldn't have posted that publicly, but now his feelings are out in the open, whether you want to talk to him about it or not.. Like astrophe said, we're glad weight loss is easy for him. We chicks know its not that easy for us.. We have to find a good combination of proper diet and physical activity and stick with it to make work.. be proud of yourself for not gaining the weight back.. Find a couple of good challenge threads to subscribe to.. and post! Make yourself some new goals and push towards them. Your bf may not be too encouraging, but you'll definitely find encouragement and motivation here. *hugs and good luck*
but, brush yourself off and remember who you're doing this for- YOU
it's not cool that he posted that, knowing that you'd probably see it, but i guess everyone is entitled to their feelings. i agree with jumelle- use the anger as a motivator. i do that when something pisses me off. adds fuel to the fire.
as far as the relationship- is he supportive of you in general? does he try to keep you motivated? i always think that in relationships, we should look for someone who lifts is up, and helps us strive to be better people. if he's not doing that for you most of the time (because no one is perfect), take a closer look at things.
Really hurt. Need support.
