Today was weigh in day, and I should have stayed home... I thought I was doing well, I wasn't sitting on my *** like I tend to, I walked 3.5 miles Wednesday, cleaned the heck out of the garage on Thursday, but I guess I just wasn't active enough. I even tracked! And I am up 1.8 this week. I am devastated about it. Really feel like I am hitting a wall.
Yesterday I think I finally figured out what the **** my deal is. I am scared. The things on my mind:
Fear of loosing so much weight and looking like a saggy piece of ****.
Fear of loosing the layers that have protected me (all mental).
Fear of not being happy when it's gone.
Cannot get to the gym like I'd like to.
Chandler getting out of school and messing up the routine I/we am in.
Lincoln needing to learn to potty train so he can go to school next year and thus give me 2 hrs alone twice a week.
And I think the first thing that is blocking me (mentally) is getting into the 200's. I mean that's a HUGE step! To step on the scale and see 299... And then to hit 298 and be at 10%. I think I have been mentally sabotaging myself because I am nervous about hitting that step. I mean really 30 lb is awesome and all, but the first real hurdle was getting to the 200's. And now that I am knocking on the door, I can't ****ing get through the door.
I am so frustrated!!!! I just want to do this. I HAVE to do this, not only for myself, but for my family! And I feel like I am letting them down. I know the kids have *no* clue what I am doing and why (although Chandler created a recipe for a Banana Split shake and it was "only 14 calories, Mom!"-Honey, I wish). But I just need to figure this out. I am tempted to call my old therapist and ask for help. I know a lot of this is self esteem related and fear. I am ready to loose it, and I can't let my head screw it up.
So this week, I am only going to step on the scale at WW (Today & Friday). Not doing it at home! My goal is to track (I did ok last week-5 days), and to loose .5 lb. That's what my leader suggested at my meeting today. Don't get hung up on the numbers. So there it is. Thanks for reading this novel.
Hi, my dear...I am a fellow saboteur, so I know how you are feeling...and it's not fun. It's easy to get scared of the weight loss journey because it is a new path with new experiences. It may be scary, but you need to bust through that fear and focus on why you are doing this...to be as healthy as possible for you and your family. And you've got the right idea about not weighing at home if you feel it is going to mess with your head too much. Just take a deep breath and know that you can do this! We are all rooting for you!
Hi! Keep going!! Youre doing great so far! I'm the EXACT same way, and it took me a while to figure it out. I wish I could give you ways to get over your fears, but Im still trying to figure it out myself! I can tell you that even realizing that it's an issue for you is a big help!
Im in therapy, and it probably wont hurt for you to call your old therapist. Fear/anxiety can really dominate your life without you even realizing it. I used to think anxiety was just like panic attacks and debilitating nervousness/worry, but it's not. It can be far more mild and ever-present. For alot of people weight/fat is a way of hiding themselves, like a buffer between you and the world. If you think your weightloss is being hindered by something emotional, it's def worth addressing! good luck!
Wow, it sounds like you are putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure. It IS scary to move into uncharted territory. Just because we think something should be easy, doesn't make it so. Take a deep breath. Relax. Not in what you are doing, but in how much stress you are putting on yourself.
Why not call your therapist? I am SO GLAD I have one and can hash some of these things out. If we can get our heads into the right space, the rest will be so much easier.
For me recognizing "issues" is a great thing. Just last night I was looking at job postings (I am 54, back in school, great amount of anxiety about hoping to find a job when I am done with school). Even though I have been hugely motivated, sticking to plan, seeing progress, as soon as I read some of the job postings, my scripts started in my head (negative of course), and I ate toast, 4 pieces of toast! It was really healthy bread, was as enjoyable as a bunch of donuts or cake since I have been off carbs, but once I realized what had triggered that "giving up" moment, I am trying to see it as a positive event in that I now have the realization just how freaked out I am about being in my mid fifties and going on interviews in 2014.
Thank you! I looked up my old therapist's number and called...no longer working. Boo. So now I am going to look for a new therapist. But I was talking to my mom and she was a great sounding board. I finally had a good cry about it and was feeling better. But I am happy to say, I have been moving, tracking, and not jumping on the scale after I pee. So progress! Thanks again!
Remember, that weight you're heading towards is not totally unknown territory - you weighed in the 200s on your way up. I felt weird nerves heading down into the 100s, so I just tucked my head and blasted through it. No excuses. There is nothing magical about a number. There IS something magical about being alive for your kids, being happy with yourself, and wearing whatever you want to wear. Good luck!
Ugh...This sucks!
Hi, my dear...I am a fellow saboteur, so I know how you are feeling...and it's not fun. It's easy to get scared of the weight loss journey because it is a new path with new experiences. It may be scary, but you need to bust through that fear and focus on why you are doing this...to be as healthy as possible for you and your family. And you've got the right idea about not weighing at home if you feel it is going to mess with your head too much. Just take a deep breath and know that you can do this! We are all rooting for you! 
