I generally don't ask for advice on the internet, but I'm pretty upset about this.
My boyfriend just became a manager at a retail store about 3/4 months ago. There's this girl he's worked with the whole time is a in-store designer. Since he became manager, they've become really close friends. The problem comes when I find out that he's been going on in-home consultations with her for hours alone, and not telling me. And then last saturday he goes to her house with a friend when he told me they were going out for a drink. I didn't find out until after when I asked him where they'd ended up going. Also, this girl is texting him and calling him constantly outside of work hours, and when she calls he goes out of the room. I don't appreciate him being so close to her. Especially outside of work. Like he went to the bar with the store manager and invited her, and didn't tell me he was out with her until the next day and lied about inviting her. Even today, he tells me they're busy at work and can't really talk today, and I drive past on my way to another store and see them getting out of her car. So I confront him and he says I'm stalking him because his store happens to be on the main highway between the two stores I'm going to.
He swears nothings going on, and she doesn't get why I'm upset with her. We've been going back-and-forth between brokenup and together because of this. I told him I just don't want him hanging out with her outside of work, or even that much at work because there's no need for him to be with her constantly, and he calls me crazy and says I need to grow up and control my jealousy. I just don't trust this girl that has to cling onto my boyfriend. Am I wrong to not want them hanging around eachother so much, especially when I don't find out until after the fact?
If you caught him in a lie and if he is leaving the room to take her calls, then there is definitely something going on. I agree with constance, trust your intuition.
I don't think you are crazy. From what you are saying it really does sound like there is more going on than what he is admitting to. If you cannot commit to keeping his relationship with this girl professional and at work then I would stay broken up. Best of luck.
I agree that it isn't all her fault. But if a you had a friend and you knew their gf didn't want you two hanging out, because I've told her myself, you wouldn't call him at 10 at night to come over for a drink. I'm not taking this lying down. I'm telling him either he keeps the friendship only at work or he loses me. I know part of it is his friends telling him not to be whipped and to do what he wants. But we've been together for over a year, attention and affection from me should be enough so he doesn't need to be bff's with some other girl. Esp. when he already has a female best friend that he stopped talking to once I was okay with it. - As in I was mad that they hung out at work all of the time, but I talked to her about it and after that we're okay and she's even invited me to her wedding. Now that he's at a different job it's like shes his replacement best friend only worse because those two never hung out outside of work while we were together.
I can relate (somewhat). I was in a long distance relationship and I went back to visit him after three months apart, I found out that he made a new best friend that was a girl. Someone that I didn't hear about at all. I didn't get to meet her on my visit, and he didn't tell me about her. I snooped (not proud of it, but he tried to give me earrings back that weren't mine, he claimed I left them there...) and found some messages from her. I know I wouldn't have been happy about it if he told me, but he lost all of my trust because he didn't tell me. We broke up about two weeks after that visit. I still don't know what the extent of their relationship was, if he cheated, etc., and I'm still pretty screwed up from it. It's hard to get that trust back once it is lost. And he lied to you about where he was going/who he was with. It'll drive you nuts if you stay with him. That's just my two cents. Sorry you are dealing with this, and good luck!
I would not be happy about it. I've been in a similar situation- while married with 6 kids no less- and the "friendship" was a lot more than that. Trust your intuition. If he is telling lies, accusing you of stalking when you only want to find out information, and hiding things from you there is a very good reason- because he is doing something he knows is wrong and he doesn't want to get caught.
Time and time again I try to talk myself out of things. But one thing that I have learned consistently is that I need to trust my own gut! And that would be my advice to you, listen to you.
Now as far as the ultimatum, that is a double edged sword, I am pretty stubborn and if someone gave me an ultimatum well you can bet that it wouldn't go well. But then again I don't think I would give someone reason to give me an ultimatum.
I'm more concerned with the way your boyfriend is handling this than the girl. She's not the problem, and has no control over what your boyfriend (an adult) does. I'm not really sure there's a huge problem with them hanging out sometimes, but... the boyfriend's behavior is what gets me...
Your boyfriend on the other hand... tries to hide the fact that he's hanging out with this girl, tries to hide his (supposedly just friendly) conversations from you, tells you to grow up and control your jealousy. If those are his exact words then we have a person who doesn't respect you. Instead of asking you to hang out with them... or telling you where he's going to be... or just chatting with this girl in front of you as if it were a normal friendship... he seems to go out of his way to make it seem suspicious and then tell you that you're the one with out of control jealousy issues.
trust your gut....there will always be those girls that want what you have not realizing if he does it to you...he will do it to her...there will be another...
my husbands friend's ex starting coming over when I was conveniently not there, would actually stop in at my job to see if I was at work before going over...I told him to tell her that she could come over when I was there and if he didnt I would, he did and she magically stopped coming by...
I'm more concerned with the way your boyfriend is handling this than the girl...
Your boyfriend... tries to hide the fact that he's hanging out with this girl, tries to hide his (supposedly just friendly) conversations from you, tells you to grow up and control your jealousy... Instead of asking you to hang out with them... or telling you where he's going to be... or just chatting with this girl in front of you as if it were a normal friendship... he seems to go out of his way to make it seem suspicious and then tell you that you're the one with out of control jealousy issues.
I don't like that. I don't like that one bit.
This! Especially the part about hanging out together. If this is just a friendship, and you are his SO, there is no reason that these get-togethers shouldn't include you. If you are truly together, most of your social activities should be together. I can see reason for single-sex exclusions ("girl's nights out" or "guy bonding") but without that, I don't see why he should exclude you if she is just a friend.
Even though this is only one side of the story, but I still give my advice from what I am being told. Go with your gut. Even if he is not having a physical affair on you, it is obvious he is having an emotional one. He is getting defensive because he is probably feeling guilty for his actions and/or he knows they are wrong.
I would not resent the girl, maybe she isn't aware of the relationship he has at home. I personally have fallen victim to a man's lines and was viewed as the home wrecker. I really think that the person at fault is your man, and not the girl.
I would not resent the girl, maybe she isn't aware of the relationship he has at home. I personally have fallen victim to a man's lines and was viewed as the home wrecker. I really think that the person at fault is your man, and not the girl.
She knows me. She's met me and I've spent time with her at his birthday party at a bar. She knows we're together. Either she doesn't care or idk.
I agree it's an emotional affair. He doesn't seem to get that those are the same as physical cheating. He has done this before with a girl he liked for a long time.. texted her constantly and then i confronted him and he broke up with me because of my 'jealousy'.. they kissed and she didn't return his feelings... and i tried getting over him only to have him beg me back a month later. I told him this is turning into the same thing and he says they're just friends and it's not the same. I can't put up with it anymore.
Advice pertaining to a relationship
