[SunnyJee]

Hi everyone...

This if my first post, but I've been a long-time lurker (like, years).

This is also not the beginning of my weight-loss journey...I'm actually getting closer to goal weight. I just wanted to officially join because there have been times that I've wanted to talk to like-minded people, and this is the only way to do it. I have a few girlfriends that are also on their journeys, but although I happily talk about my goals/struggles/successes with others, I now realize that this journey is also intensely individual and personal.


Some background: I've always been slightly chubby. I was never thin when I was young, but I was healthy, athletic and sturdy. But because my mother had her own struggles with weight, it trickled down into my own mentality, and I put myself on my first diet when I was approx 10 years old. And it's never really stopped...

My weight never got out of control until I started dating my ex (we've been seperated for years now). I was a stable 125(?) when I met him, and felt I looked okay. He was a foodie, and could take down huge meals but he was also tall and relatively lean when I met him. So of course, my first long-term relationship mixed with a big-eater and the weight started creeping on. Long story short, I hit an all-time high of 150 lbs (on a 5'0 frame). I still remember that day, weighing myself on his parent's bathroom scale. The shock lasted for a long time. He also commented on my weight at times, looks of disdain, never calling me "fat", but asking me if or when I was going to exercise, and haven't I noticed how much I've "changed" since we first started dating... It hurt, and I tried to brush it off. He eventually ended up cheating on me after 5 years together, and I left.

I started losing weight slowly afterwards, and about 2 years ago, I started to seriously diet. Really cutting calories and such, and I managed to hit an all-time low of 124 lbs. At this weight, I looked pretty good, and because of the way I carry my weight, people started calling me thin (ha ha ha). And I stayed at that weight for over a year, but this past New Years, I made a resolution to myself that this would be the year. This would be the year that I REALLY changed. Changed everything! Start working out HARD, start eating really clean. So I joined Bootcamp in January, and now I'm finishing my 5th month straight. I started running regularly on the treadmill most nights. My eating is regimented, and healthy, and protein-driven. In the past 5 months, I've gone from approx 127 lbs in January to 115lbs. And I look completely different...

I'm now 5 lbs away from a weight that was a dream. My body continually surprises me when I look in mirrors. These past 5 months have been a blur, and the blood, sweat and tears are paying off. Some friends (foodie friends) have been resentful, but they see my resolve, and they are accepting that my lifestyle is different now. Most of the time, I won't be joining them for dining out, but I'll go occasionally to see them and order food conservatively. Boys/men have made no secret of the changes they see in my body. The last size I bought in jeans was a 2 (I think I'm more of a 3-4, but I'll take it).

And now I'm left to ponder all the time...is this really happening? I mean, really really happening? I get scared that I'll wake up and find out this was all a dream. And the reason that I'm writing this novel (so sorry, thanks for reading this far) is because I've never shared my story, and I wanted to. I wanted to get off my chest exactly how important this is to me. That liking what I see in the mirror is miraculous to me, and so so precious. That what was once a pipe-dream is, in fact, happening at this very moment, and I've earned it. This is real. And continuing. And I truly have the power...I truly believe it now, that I can get to goal. It's not impossible, and it takes unbelievable dedication, and it's worth it more than words can ever convey.

We choose what we are. No magic pill is going to make me thin. But bootcamp at 6 am every morning...that treadmill waiting in the corner, that cookie I pass up when offered, is the pill. The aches and pains in my body after training is my pill. The look in people's eyes when they see my change is my pill.

Thanks...

[Lovely]

Welcome to 3FC =)

Or rather welcome to actually posting =)

Keep participating!