I miss my bingeing days. And it's scary to me because as opposed to living my life, like I have in the past month, I've become obsessed with going to the store and buying my particular binge foods - cake, really. I don't want to give in, but as opposed to hating my ED, like I used to, now I miss it. I don't know how to sidestep this particular problem. Any advice?
No answers here. Just wanted to say that I can relate and you're not alone. I know this about myself. I didn't stop binging because I didn't like or enjoy it, because I did. I only stopped binging because it makes me fat. Haven't binged even once since Jan. 1 of this year...but I miss my mac & cheese. If I could eat what I want and still be thin, I would...and I'd be a lot happier. I guess you could say I was someone who lived to eat, and now I'm trying to eat to live. Good luck.
I went through a stage where I mourned the loss of the feelings a binge would give me.
Binges were bliss to me, I drowned out my inner voice and drowned out my emotions, it was peace!
and I missed that, I struggle with it for a while, trying to find something to replace that feeling binges gave me. But there is nothing like it!
but I am happy to say with time that feeling has definitely faded, I think I have had 3 binges this year, the last being 52 days ago (and yes I am counting) and I can say, I do not at all crave the binge or feelings it brings. It is an enormous relief to me, and for me its like winning the lotto.
Keep moving forward, one step at a time, one day at a time, listen to your emotions and inner voice, and know what you are feeling but FIGHT, fight not to binge, it does get easier.
I think it's normal to slap on rose tinted lenses when you look back at old habits - I miss smoking, eating whatever I want, and the simplicity of life before healthy living/weight loss sometimes, but I don't miss being overweight and too self conscious to wear my hair in a ponytail because my face was so round.
Binging, I can't say I miss that. My last binge was less than 2 weeks ago and the "oh, crap, I really ate all that" feeling is still fresh. While the shopping and eating process is exciting, I don't think the guilt/physical harm binges do is worth it.
The after emotions of a binge are what makes me not miss them. I hadn't had a binge for probablly close to 3 weeks, and the other night I went out drinking, and binged on taco bell. Not only did I feel like crap from the alcohol, but I felt bloated and disgusting all day saturday due to the taco bell. I think the best way to not miss the binges so much is to try and focus on how you feel after a binge, not the feelings you get during a binge.
I think the best way to not miss the binges so much is to try and focus on how you feel after a binge, not the feelings you get during a binge.
This, exactly. The way binges made me hate myself. The deep depression after the crash, and knowing that I'd done this to myself, that I was responsible for my own pain.
When I started getting better, I had these moments of extreme clarity, during which I'd see what I should have always known, and what should have always guided me: That the world was mine & I could do great things, if only I did not get in my own way.
And that I was getting in my own way by making bad choices. Like eating something long past the point of enjoyment, just for the sake of diving into oblivion rather than remaining conscious & sitting with myself & waiting out whatever it was that filled me with anxiety & pain. It's a good short-term choice with bad, farther-reaching consequences.
I think the gym taught me that too. If there's one thing you learn in the gym, it's about duration. That time is always proceeding onward. You show up, you work & no matter how uncomfortable you are, how much your throat & lungs & leg & arm & ab muscles burn & hurt, it isn't endless or sustained at the same pitch forever. It happens in intervals. If you hang on & keep going, eventually it ends. You finish your half-hour or hour, or whatever, get off the machine, grab your water bottle after class, and it's done. You survived it. Such things are survivable. So I learned that maybe I could survive the other kind of discomfort, the mental pain, in exactly the same way.
I prefer the slightly shaky feeling of having survived to the black misery of the post-binge blues.
I miss binging too--so much. I haven't binged in almost a year, so you'd think I wouldn't miss it, but I do.
The truth is, binging does make me feel better. And when I was binging, I mean really binging and not trying at all, I never had the bad psychological part of it. I never felt guilty or sad, I just felt good. It would be different now, certainly, since I'm actively working on not doing it. But I miss that ease from before. Eat what I want, not worry about it at all. I was a binger, it's what I did. Get that nice high, and go to bed.
What part about it do you miss? I can totally relate. But i tried to pinpoint what it is that i really miss. What i miss is being able to eating without thinking "oh no, only 4 more bites of food before i have to stop eating. now 3. now 2. now 1. now it's gone. and i'm not allowed to eat again until tomorrow. sad sad sad." I seriously get sad. I wish i could just eat until i'm mentally satisfied, without having to take tiny bites to make it last longer.
And i, too, want to binge on cake! The weirdest thing is that i like the grocery store birthday cakes--the kind with the frosting that everyone else absolutely hates. That is what i've been dreaming of for my cheat day. So, i'm going to allow myself to have a huge piece of it on my cheat day. Not sure if this is a healthy approach to my binge eating...but if i can't stop at one (albeit huge) piece, then on my next cheat day i'll have to stick with a different treat. 1 piece of cake per month, or **** even per week, will not kill me as long as i am able to not binge on it. It's not going to a big enough slice to be a binge, but it will be big enough that i won't be thinking the whole time i'm eating it, "crap this will be gone soon and i will be sad."
I really miss not being able to eat the grocery store birthday cakes (yup, I love them, too). I used to always buy them and eat them in one sitting. Now, it's hard to know I eat just one slice. I miss the freedom of eating whenever I want, how much, etc. I bought one slice of cake today at the store and I came very close to buying a huge cake, but I just bought one slice. Weird how proud I can be over that. But I miss food so bad. I hate my meal plan that I've been on for a year (my ED clinic put me on it). I know it's good for me but man, I hate it! I'm sorry I'm ranting but I'm so frustrated how much I look at my trigger foods and go crazy. I wish I could just go "Yum, cake is yummy." - and leave it at that. Ugh!
Completely out of nowhere, I just binged. Pretty bad. Not epic, but pretty bad. It really was not that great. I'd really like those two hours of my life back. I fantasized about binging, just like you. But it didn't live up to it.
Well, i learned my lesson. I actually DON'T miss binging. I do miss eating until i am fully satisfied...which i do NOT consider a binge. If we are eating at a calorie deficit, it is only natural that we are not going to be fully satisfied. Which is why i believe in a cheat day once in a while, with higher calories. The binging part--where it snowballs out of control--i don't miss at all. I mean, when i started to overeat last night, at first it tasted good. But once it turned into a binge, it wasn't even enjoyable anymore. So no...i don't miss binging. I hope i remember this the next time i consider a binge.
I miss my binges
Have a good day, Ladies.
It's funny how you want something you know you'll hate in a couple hours. I really hope we can keep going....
