Hi chicks... I know this isn't a medical condition, but I think maybe partners or families can be a dieting obstacle. So in about 3-4 weeks I am moving in with my boyfriend to get set up before our August wedding. I'm definitely freaking out...
He's kind of the 30 year old manchild sometimes, you know, dinner consists of ritz crackers and frozen pizza at 10 pm and breakfast is an energy drink. So obviously, my SO does not help at all... mostly hinders... he wants me to succeed but really isn't capable of supporting me, it's kind of the devil on my shoulder tempting me whenever I'm with him. He doesn't really gain weight as a result of his lifestyle, so when I bring up my concern he doesn't really understand the idea of not being able to eat whatever you want, and doesn't understand why it's hard to just not eat something - probably because he's never ever had to tell himself he can't eat something.
Also his idea of an exercise routine is riding the bike around town for 45 minutes every ... 5 or 6 months. Plus "he has asthma" so...no help there.
I don't expect anyone to change their eating habits because I am. I know some people ask their family members not to bring certain foods into the house, to not have a night time snack if they are trying to cut out evening eating, etc., but I personally don't think it is fair. We still have all the same junk foods in the house. Everyone else still eats as they please. For me, it is about self-control. I can't control what or when anyone else eats, but I can control myself. I wouldn't be happy if the shoe was on the other foot, and my boyfriend said "Sweetie, I am trying to lose weight. Could YOU please stop eating chocolate?" Ummmm, no. I will eat chocolate as I please! LOL
I can see both sides but I really think that my diet choices should not be imposed on others. Maybe make healthy meal planning and preparation your job and then you have some control over what is for supper. Even though he likes frozen pizza at 10pm, he is likely to eat a good dinner that is prepared for him. Good luck
When I switched over to a healthy lifestyle I made a list of trigger foods that just were not allowed in the house. I didn't tell my boyfriend that he couldn't eat those things, but asked him to respect me and not stock our kitchen shelves with them. I also explained that I have a food addiction - I think this helped him see how serious I was about it.
I also cook A lOT (I used to not cook at all), but I make healthy versions of the bad stuff we used to eat and he even seems happier because of it. I think if someone loves and respects you, this shouldn't be a big deal. As a result he started eating better too, and has lost 70 pounds!
I agree with all other posters. My ex husband was similar (man child eating) and I cooked. We often ate different foods, but it worked out fine. I still lost all of my baby weight in no time.
In my defense, I did make a lot of home cooked meals - we did homemade wheat crust pizzas (his with turkey pepperoni and toppings of his choice) and mine with veggies and measured cheese. We always bought whole wheat breads, pastas, and brown rice for the entire family. I would make his favorites in healthier ways - turkey meatloaf, shepherd's pie (I would mince mushrooms and do half of that, half ground beef), BBQ chicken sandwiches, turkey tacos, chicken fajitas, etc.
What he ate when I wasn't around was more of why he continued to gain weight. He liked fast food, frozen burritos, frozen pizzas, frozen chicken nuggets, and fries and I bought them because he requested them.
My three year old likes to eat the same way, but I find it's easy to make my own fries or chicken nuggets, and do it in a healthy way.
In my defense, I did make a lot of home cooked meals - we did homemade wheat crust pizzas (his with turkey pepperoni and toppings of his choice) and mine with veggies and measured cheese. We always bought whole wheat breads, pastas, and brown rice for the entire family. I would make his favorites in healthier ways - turkey meatloaf, shepherd's pie (I would mince mushrooms and do half of that, half ground beef), BBQ chicken sandwiches, turkey tacos, chicken fajitas, etc.
That is exactly what I do. I do most of the shopping and all of the cooking, so it does give me a little more control. I still make all the family favorites, but with little changes. The one change that did not go over well was making chicken pot pie with only a top crust. I will pull my pasta/veggies/rice out of the bowl before adding butter or sauce, pass on the rolls, make a batch of cookies for the family. So adjustments are made, either just for me, or if I don't think it compromises taste, then for everyone. The pot pie will remain with a top crust only, so too bad for them! LOL
Hopefully he starts eating healthier when you cook, because honestly to me when kids become part of the mix it'll be hard to convince them to eat healthy when daddy isn't eating dinner or other meals with the family.
My husband used to eat terribly. He worked at restaurants so he'd just eat there then on off day's he'd eat whatever he wanted. I gained a TON of weight while with him eating his way.
I finally told him I couldn't eat like that anymore and started cooking and eating healthier. First he was very resistant but then he started gaining weight and feeling crappy so he's now joined me. He'll work out with me, he'll eat anything I make, etc. I'm super happy about it but overall the changes came slowly over time.
Concentrate on you right now and just pray he joins you
That is exactly what I do. I do most of the shopping and all of the cooking, so it does give me a little more control. I still make all the family favorites, but with little changes. The one change that did not go over well was making chicken pot pie with only a top crust. I will pull my pasta/veggies/rice out of the bowl before adding butter or sauce, pass on the rolls, make a batch of cookies for the family. So adjustments are made, either just for me, or if I don't think it compromises taste, then for everyone. The pot pie will remain with a top crust only, so too bad for them! LOL
Ha! I make a full casserole of pot pie and always do just the top crust, but my mom always did it that way too, so nobody notices.
My SO can be a bit of both, as can most (I imagine). I generally eat different meals to him anyway (I'm a vegan, he's a meat-eater) so that's not so much of an issue. The big difficulty is that he likes to eat at weird times (lunch at six, dinner at midnight or whatever) which means that I have to watch him eat at times when I ordinarily would have been snacking. It's difficult.
That being said, he provides me with emotional support and encouragement. So it's swings and roundabouts really.
My DH eats whatever he wants and doesn't gain an ounce. He has the one thing that I don't when it comes to food... self control. It's very annoying. Actually, I have the problem of too much support from him. If I say I'd like to make better choices, or lose a few pounds, he becomes my "conscience" and reminds me by saying things like, "is that on your plan? or, "I thought you didn't want to eat that anymore?" I know he's trying to support me because when I'm not making the effort to lose weight, he says nothing about my choices. In the end though his support feels controlling to me so I rebel. I'm pretty sure it's my own psychological aversion to being told "no" but still, it definitely hinders me.
My SO is a mixed bag ... his metabolism burns about 2800 cals a day so he obviously eats a LOT more than me, which makes it hard. But he also weight trains with me several times a week, which I appreciate because I know I slow his workout down!
My DH eats whatever he wants and doesn't gain an ounce. He has the one thing that I don't when it comes to food... self control. It's very annoying. Actually, I have the problem of too much support from him. If I say I'd like to make better choices, or lose a few pounds, he becomes my "conscience" and reminds me by saying things like, "is that on your plan? or, "I thought you didn't want to eat that anymore?" I know he's trying to support me because when I'm not making the effort to lose weight, he says nothing about my choices. In the end though his support feels controlling to me so I rebel. I'm pretty sure it's my own psychological aversion to being told "no" but still, it definitely hinders me.
This is EXACTLY how my DH is. Food and dieting has become a topic that is completely off limits because whenever he mentioned what I "should" or "should not" be eating, I eat more than I was originally and I do it in front of him.
I'm a calorie counting whole food low-carber. He believes in low-fat, high carb, high protein- in whatever form he can get it.
Since I cook the meals, he's had to adjust his diet somewhat. He just adds a pasta or rice to whatever meal I'm cooking. I refuse to cook his meals separately because he doesn't eat leftovers if he can help it and I hate wasting food so I make things that I can eat too.
My husband is almost exactly like your fiance. I've found that I am the one who ultimately determines what comes in and out of my house. I decide on all the meals and cook them, so we both eat healthy dinners. However, I have compromised with my husband and allowed some junk food for him, typically items I would never eat such as chocolate, just so he doesn't revolt against my healthier habits. I have been trying forever and a day to get him to workout with me, and that will never happen but it's ok because I can go to the gym by myself.
I have gained probably 20 or so lbs. since moving in with my boyfriend. He's the type who is tall and can eat whatever he desires and not gain a pound. So when we first moved in, I ate what he ate. McDonalds, pizza, Taco Bell, all the time. He wouldn't gain anything and I would gain everything.
We were on a tight budget so I didn't want to end up making two separate meals all the time for us, but eventually I had enough. He's not making me eat what he eats, I am. I don't have to eat this big piece of pasta, I can cut it in half. It's hard, but I have to do it. And it sucks when it's late at night and we're chilling out watching a movie and he's eating ice cream and I want some sooo bad, but I can't.
I've also brought up that he needs to eat healthier because him being able to eat like his isn't going to last forever. But, he just shrugs it off. He's 33 and he said people have been telling him that for 10 years.
But, yeah. I know what you mean. He'll sometimes eat badly before I come home from work because he feels bad, but that's about it.
Significant other - help or hinder?
