I'm curious to know how you personally find yourself attracted to another person and also how you perceive others to be attracted to you.
I do see physical appearance first, but on a very broad spectrum. I go for guys who are clean and who look intelligent. Lately I've started noticing build, but only because that says "physically fit" to me, and that's what I'm looking for and that's extremely appealing to me right now. Then I go for personality, sense of humor, maturity and kindness.
My perception of how I think guys are first attracted to me is...well that they're probably not! LOL! But if I dig in and force myself to see myself through a man's eyes, my perception is that he's looking for a smaller belly pooch and blonde, straight hair. I have brown very curly hair. I love my curly hair until I see it next to someone with straight blonde hair. I also think a guy would be attracted to a really slender body, someone petite, someone they could pick up.
Putting the scenarios side by side really makes me comprehend that maybe, just maybe, I'm a little too hard on myself. I think we all are, so I thought I'd share my thoughts.
I think you seem to be putting yourself at a Playboy bunny comparison. The only person I know who wants your 'ideal woman' is Hugh Hefner and you really don't want him do you?
Obviously attraction is varied. Different people like different things. I had an ex who loved dark hair and fair skin. I on the other hand tend to like dark hair/dark eyes. My husband is not dark haired/dark eyed I was nearly 300 lbs when we started dating. I do love his physical attributes though so I'm not saying I'm not attracted to him but if you had me describe my ideal random good looking guy, that is what I'd come up with. And I don't think he would've described me as his ideal woman physically but I know he is attracted to me
I guess my ideal woman (Women, be glad I'm not a man!) is so different from myself! She's tiny with blonde hair, blue eyes, dark skin...shoot, she's Barbie. LOL! Seriously, I'd pick Barbie! Oh, it's so good sometimes to just write things out. You find the oddest things out about yourself.
Like I said, I have brown curls and there's really no taming them, and fair pinky skin. I think I'm smaller than I perceive myself, but always just as I'm feeling good about my size I find someone smaller and cuter. I think I'm cute, but definitely not beautiful. Do guys go for "cute"?
I'm hoping guys go for look a little bit, then personality and I hope personality wins out big time!
I guess I'm a touch insecure because there are NO men in my life! None! So I don't get any wandering eyes or any chance of wandering eyes to tickle my ego.
Honestly, I think men prefer a bit of curve....I think when women are too thin, it turns them off to a degree. At least the men I would be interested in feel that way!! I definitely think you're too hard on yourself, I've seen your pics and you are cute, girl!!
In terms of my own attractiveness, I am I guess around average looking - and lately I have noticed more attention, but no outright flirting that I have detected - maybe because I usually have a baby or a toddler hanging off of me, or both.
As for what I look for (not that I'm looking for anyone, DH, just in case you're reading ) I like men who are dark haired and I like guys that are a bit bigger, I like broad shoulders and a bit of muscle...after that, I like humour and intelligence!
Cliché alert: It depends on the guy. If all men want blondes, then no one would ever want to date a black-haired girl like me, right? (Actually, bad example; it's true that no men want to date me. )
But all joking aside, it stands to reason that there is more than one ideal body type. Some of us ladies prefer our men strong and hunky, others prefer them slender and suave. I like men who aren't so muscular that they are uncomfortable to hug, and I used to like tall guys until I had trouble with the kiss-access thing; now I have highly specific height requirements that I probably will never actually stick to.
So lots of men like skinny blondes; others like curvy blondes. There are some universal preferences -- certain hip-waist ratio, no signs of age (wrinkles, sagging breasts, cellulite) or disease (bad skin, limp hair), all of which, unfortunately, all of us ladies suffer from to some degree or another.
Long and short of it: it is (almost) always more sexy to be toned and fit whether there's fat on top of the muscle or not, and you can probably catch more fish in the normal-overweight BMI range than obese, but otherwise -- pfft. At your weight and with your awesome look, there is nothing to feel inferior about. ESPECIALLY when it comes to your hair. Do you know how long I wanted ringlets? YEARS. It just doesn't make sense to say "blonde is prettier than brunette." It's like saying "apples are tastier than chicken."
Last edited by lackadaisy; 02-14-2011 at 03:08 PM.
Do you know how long I wanted ringlets? YEARS. It just doesn't make sense to say "blonde is prettier than brunette." It's like saying "apples are tastier than chicken."
That's so sweet! I think my hair whoas stem from my mom wanting a straight haired daughter, but she did not get that! She got me. She's forever wanting me to straighten my hair. I really do like my curls, but I don't trust my judgement. Sadly, I trust my mother's judgment.
I guess what I was trying to say is that I think you can become physically attracted to someone whether or not you'd describe them as your ideal. Like of the people I've dated, I've been physically attracted to them but it was different things for each one.
I've also known guys who like curly hair but for some guys, hair isn't a big factor. I think you should just relax.
lol. you are definitely being to hard on yourself. curly brown hair is gorgeous.
me personally there is just something intangible about who i'm attracted to and i can explain it. usually i prefer tall men with a little meat on them who have darker curly or wavey hair, tan or pale skin, and green, grey, or hazel eyes. for some reason i find blonde hair and blue eyes to both be a turn off. i have however found myself very attracted to people who do not at all fit that type. i'm still in love with a man i use to see but never formally dated who was 5'6" and skinny as a board. the weird thing is despite him not being my type i was attracted to him instantly which means it couldn't have been his personality that drew me to him. Still not sure how that happened. XD
I try not to picture how people see me or compare myself to others because I think it would really hurt my self esteem. i suppose if i was someone else looking at me i would see my olive skin tone, my exotic eyes, my disasterous hair, my weird attire, my odd but beautiful smile, my bad posture, my small breasts, my big baggy stomache, my nice butt, and my bizarre way of communicating. i suppose that could be taken either way depending on the person. XD
I'm unable to view your pics, my work computer blocks them. That said, your personality shines through in all your posts. I think that makes you more beautiful than any blond hair or size tag on your clothes.
I myself am attracted to the old cliche: tall, dark, and handsome. However, my SO is shorter than I am, while he does have the dark and handsome down, it's certain that when I first met him, he was not my "type" whatever that is.
Looks are a small part, the initial attraction, if you will. Thereafter the personality, sense of humor, and values really attract me. If I look at a guy, and he doesn't make me cringe in horror or throw up a little bit in my mouth , and he seems interested in striking up a conversation with me, flaws and all, then I think it's the conversation that's the clincher for me.
I wish you lots of FUN while you're figuring all this out. Date a bunch of different "types" of guys, until you figure out just exactly what is YOUR type. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself about your flaws, you know they are magnified 1000 times in your mind, and most guys aren't going to notice or care about your tiny belly pooch or your non-blonde hair. They're going to be floored by you!
Guys go for all types. If men only wanted skinny blondes, 90% of us would be out of luck and the human race would go extinct!
I've seen you rock fitted outfits. You have nothing to worry about!
I may have an overinflated ego, but when I am anywhere outside Japan I think I get a lot of once-overs. Could be my insistence on wearing short skirts no matter the temperature though...
I do the exact same thing! This woman at work tells me I'm beautiful and those woman who are tall thin, blonde and look amazing are mostly trophy wives and men don't usually want to marry a girl like that. But then I look at myself who is very much single and these woman get attention from all them men it's like...why can't I look like that or have enough money to make myself look like that!
And like you said it’s probably your ideal woman. If I was a guy what would I date, I prefer brunettes and my and a girl friend fight about this all the time because she loves blondes haha. I’d want a brunette with curves (not overweight, but has a nice curvy body like Scarlett Jo) so I try to look at myself like that these days and go this is what most guys want as appose to looking at the way too skinny barbie chick. Also most men who want those girls can’t get those girls…so then it puts into my mind so I’m like second best because I can’t look like that. Women are far more judgmental of woman then most men.
As for my type of guy I find myself ever since I lost weight I’m looking for a more lean taller guy. The guys I never used to find attractive because they were too skinny (I used to prefer husky or chubby men who were scruffy) now I want someone who looks good in clothing without a muffin top, or someone who now dresses well and carries themselves well. My whole perspective has completely change and I think it’s just some mental issue. If you have an amazing personality, can treat me right, dress well and is clean shaven I’m yours haha. (usually, but sometimes the husky unshaven guys attract me do I think it just depends.)
It doesn't matter if your hair is curly or straight, blonde or red-head or brunette.
I've heard it from the horses' mouth (multiple horses).
Guys are visual creatures, but that doesn't mean that they are only attracted to a particular skin color or hair color or size of chest. That means that they like to look. They check out ALL women, whether or not they are attracted to them. The confident ones are the ones that grab their attention a little longer, even if it's not their "type."
Lastly, men are not one big group that all like the same type of woman. They have preferences, just like we do. So, some will like short girls, others will prefer taller girls, other don't even have a preference on height!!!!!
The key, really, is to love yourself, feel confident in your skin, and the men attraction part will resolve itself.
I've attracted men at all types of weights... at my highest and at my lowest. I remember this woman who was married to a really cute classmate of mine. She was a lot heavier than me, maybe around 250 lbs. Her husband was gorgeous. She was gorgeous too. She may have been overweight, but she didn't act like it. You wanted to be around her, because she was fun and intelligent and she was funny and after a while, you realized that her husband was the lucky one. It's all in the confidence and being comfortable in your skin.... regardless of size.
it's weird to think about 'types'. i would never have picked my dh as my 'type'. but still totally in love and attracted more than 10 years later. i think just get to know guys in your area. at your local gym. go to some wall climbing classes. gardening. whatever your hobbies are. personality IS way more important than looks.
When I go shopping for an item, like clothing or a bit of home decor, I have a pretty good image in my mind of what I want, particularly the color & the style.
When shopping for a person, I'm not thinking in the "paint chips" terms. Like, his hair has to be this color, his eyes should be this color, his body should have these particular proportions.
I mean, I'm not trying to get something whose function is solely ornamental.
I used to think I had a type. I remember a time in the distant past when a guy couldn't look too WASP-y & blonde. He ought to look like someone on the side of an Abercrombie shopping bag. Maybe James Spader in the 80s, with a popped collar. Someone whose Oxfords were always worn-out-looking & who never wore socks.
And then, over time, two of the men whom I cared for most deeply happened to be of Italian-American descent, as dark-haired & olive-skinned as they could be.
So I found out that relationships are what happen while you're making other plans. ;-) You can't just order from a catalog according to your specifications.
Now I'm older &, with lessons learned, I'm thinking more in generalities. He has to be a good person. Decent. Warmth helps. He has to be able to see the little ironies in life. If he can't laugh, it's going to be difficult to be with him for more than an hour or so. I don't want a narcissist. I don't want someone who'll weigh me down -- someone who's withdrawn & depressed & requires my pushing & pulling him to get him out of doors & away from a screen. I'm just not up for taking on major renovation projects. (Anyways, they never work.) I want someone who has friends, not someone for whom I'm going to be the only contact with the outside world. I want someone who's interested in many varied things & maybe reads a lot. Also, he should have a work ethic, because I do. And I don't want to cope with a lot of political arguments all the time, so there's that to be considered, too.
After all, the experience turns out to be more like going to garage sales -- seeing what nice used things turn up that you didn't realize you really needed or wanted, till you saw them -- than like ordering a particular catalog item.
Weight and making new relationships
I think we all are, so I thought I'd share my thoughts.
I definitely think you're too hard on yourself, I've seen your pics and you are cute, girl!! 
) I like men who are dark haired and I like guys that are a bit bigger, I like broad shoulders and a bit of muscle...after that, I like humour and intelligence!
I think my hair whoas stem from my mom wanting a straight haired daughter, but she did not get that! She got me. She's forever wanting me to straighten my hair. I really do like my curls, but I don't trust my judgement. Sadly, I trust my mother's judgment.
I'm unable to view your pics, my work computer blocks them. That said, your personality shines through in all your posts. I think that makes you more beautiful than any blond hair or size tag on your clothes.
, and he seems interested in striking up a conversation with me, flaws and all, then I think it's the conversation that's the clincher for me.
