Another Newbie!
Hi. I'm new here. Ok, I confess, I've been lurking for weeks. In my life I've let my weight be an excuse to watch and not do, so I've decided to not let my virtual life reflect that. Now is my time to do and not to watch. I will get healthy and not just watch others succeed while I give up.
I have a long and complicated history with my weight. As a child I was very slightly chubby. I wasn't overweight and only remember getting teased about my extra girth once or twice, but that was enough to lay the foundation for a very unhealthy relationship with my body for years to come. Like many other people I fell into the trap of extreme dieting. For years dieting was my hobby and my drug. I became obsessed with what I ate and what I weighed. OBSESSED! The "dieting" rather quickly spiraled into an eating disorder. It took years for me to "recover". The reason for the quotation marks is that at that point I was still far from real recovery. I switched from not eating as a coping mechanism to eating as much as I possibly could. They both came from exactly the same place and are both terribly unhealthy, but for some reason as long as I was eating I was "cured". Which couldn't have been further from the truth.
I gained a lot of weight very quickly which intensified the hatred I had for my own body. I began trying to lose weight. It was the beginning of many failed attempts. I only knew how to starve myself and not how to feed my body what it needed. I tried many crazy fad diets that only left me fatter.
I finally and slowly came to my senses and started dealing with the issues I had that got me to that point. I am still working on it, but I am currently a much happier and healthier person. Now I am finally ready to become on the outside who I am on the inside. I am once again trying to lose weight, but this time is different. This time I am eating nutritious foods and listening to my body. This time I am not eating junk filled with chemicals just because it only has 5 calories. This time I am eating when I am hungry, not starving, and stopping when I am satisfied, not stuffed or still hungry. I am working out consistently and not obsessively. I am going outside and having fun instead of punishing myself with exercise that I hate. I'm eating delicious nutritious food, enjoying my life, and losing weight. It can be done.
I've been at it for almost three weeks and have lost 14 pounds. The loss so far has been great and I'm happy about that, but I know it will slow down and I'm ok with that too. I'm striving for health and the weight loss is just a much welcome side effect. I'm going for intuitive eating. I'm not counting calories or carbs or points. I know what triggers my obsession and I'd rather not go there again. I am not counting calories because I am not on a diet. I'm changing my life.
I do have goals, but I no longer feel any desire to be skinny. Now, I just want to be healthy. My goal for now of 145 is the point that I go from overweight to normal.
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