Good morning. This is my first experience reaching out for help using an online source, not that my family and friends arent supportive, but they dont really uderstand where Im coming from. My husband has been weight training since he was like 12, lol, and is hot, my mom and 2 sisters are all smaller than me, and have been just about my whole life. When they complain about their weight, it's like 5 extra pounds, or a still slightly loose belly from a pregnancy that only ended 7 months ago.. . .Any way, my story is probably like a lot of others. I have been on the bigger (more muscular) side for as long as I can remember. I remember being very young, 10 or 11, and taking notice that most of the girls I went to school with were little, skinnier than me. At that age I wasnt overweight but I had already hit puberty and had a very "womanly" body that made we very self concious through out all of my teenage years. I yo-yo'ed with my weight since I was 13 and had lost a little weight during a bout of mono. I was off school for a month, left at 140 came back at 127, and had so many compliments from my friends and even the "gasp" popular girls.. .. soooo because I loved the way I felt and the attention that I was getting that it became my mission to maintain that weight, however, I loved food (and still do). My mom is an amazing cook, was always baking cookies, brownies, cake. . .you get the idea. I love sugar, love soda, and I was never involved in any sports. My parents didnt push us to do that sort of thing (which is one thing I will not deprive my own kids of because I know first hand the damamge that does). In high school I bounced between 135 and 145 and when I would hit 145 I would go a few days with out eating and take a walk every day and drop the weight quick (that doesnt work anymore HA!). I had my first baby 3 days shy of my 18th b-day and weighed 159 6 weeks posty partum, and felt disgusting. It was the most I ever weighed and I felt horrible, didnt get dressed, didnt do my hair, I was so depressed. 5 months later my fiance left me (a few months before our wedding date. . .jerk lol) and sued me for week on week off custody of our 6 month old son, which was devastating. I was desperate to get him back (he left me for another woman, who he married and currently just finished divorcing haha, go figure) so I got this brilliant idea to starve my self, make my self sick so hed realize I literally cannot live without him, the goal being he'd feel guilty and come back. obviously, Im sure you can imagine, that didnt work lol, but I did get all the way back down to 127 (I hadnt weighed this since I was 13) and it struck mega self confidence in me, I felt better, starting getting over my babys dad and finally got up the nerve to ask out my mega hot charge nurse (i was an NA in a nursing home). To my surprise, he accepted and we had a ton of fun with each other. .. for a few weeks. . .and then i got pregnant again (stupid I know). He was excited, he was 10 yrs older than me and ready to have a child. . .soooo after my daughter was born, I was chuncky again but because my b/f was so dang hot and fit, I could in no way embarrass him by being fat, so I worked my *** off for 4 months and made it back down to 135, my comfy weight. Im sorry this is getting so long lol, so that was about 5 yrs ago, the hot charge nurse and I are married now (its a love story
) and had one more child. While trying to conceive our last daughter, I had been off work for a few months and gained 20 pounds and just kept tellling myself Id lose it after the baby was born. Well. . . she's 2 and a half now and I weigh 164, I have bounced between 165 and 152 the past couple of years and have jsut felt horrible about myself. I know how to lose weight, I know I need exercise and what kinds and how much exercise, I know what I am supposed to be eating, and not eating, I am very well educated in the area of fitness, nutrition and weight loss, however I have major self discipline issues. I get on these kicks where Ill do good for a few weeks and lose a few pounds and think "well this piece of cake wont hurt me" or "missing a week at the gym wont hurt me" and I fall back into my old habits very quickly. so, here I am, I decided to try something I havent, and that is getting more support. I want to feel better, look better, fit into my closet of clothes ive been holding on to till when Im thin, lol, I want to be that chick running down the street every day with my dog. I began this new weight loss expedition the week before Christmas, of course got side tracked the week of, but I knew that would happen and I accepted it and kept going afterwards. On new years day I quit smoking, my 4th attempt and am very proud to say I have not smoked even one cigarette since (YAYYY!!!) so I kind of have this new faith in my self, like if I can do that, I should be able to break my food additction, right? I havent weighed myself in about 2 weeks, I may have lost a couple of pounds but I refuse to weigh myself again until after period week, since I gain a massive amout of water weight (and seeing that on the scale will just discourage me). But I feel good, Ive gotten 3 days of exercise in a weeks since the 1st and Ive never done that, and Ive been trying to eat less junk, i stopped drinking soda and I am beginning to incporporate more veggies into my diet. I havent gone all out yet with the calorie restriction although I think Im about ready to give that a shot again. And I have already begun weight training along with cardio (I usually put that off cause I hate it lol, although I do notice a tad bit of toning even after just a few weeks so that pleases me
) soooo, theres my story, where I started, where I am now, and if anyone has taken the time to read this incredibly long post, thank you so much. Ill be hanging around getting some motivation .
New :)
