I had to post, i couldnt help it. I hope this will give support to someone struggling because ive gained so much support here from everyone else.
So, I have an addiction. I LOVE takeaways! Mainly pizza (im a cheese feind). Its been normal in the past for us to have up to 5 a week or more! We call them a 'takeaway night'. It would involve a missive takeaway of some sort, bottle of wine and copious amounts of chocolate. I used to look foward to these so much. I have a toddler and a baby, on bad days where i struggle it used to be something i really looked foward to. To put them to bed, order a takeaway and settle down for the eve with my husband and relax. No cooking, No washing up! It was like a drug, truly! This sounds stupid and is hard to explain but it used to light me up.
Untill the next morning that is, id step on the scale and feel like crying. Ive tried giving them up countless times and i feel really anxious and nervous when i think about it. I feel like i NEED them.
So, for the past month i havent had a takeaway and its been going really well. Ive been cooking everyday and were eating wholefoods now. Ive integrated it all gradually (switching cereal for porridge etc). And its been going really well, hubby and kids are slowly getting used to it and getting used to the new tastes of 'real' food. This is really important to me, i want to give my family the best and my kids the best start in life.
Yesterday i started craving a 'takeaway evening'. Last week was difficult with one thing and another but i kept trudging along with it all, and been very pleased with the weight loss results so far. Yesterday i felt like i needed a takeaway. Today has been almost unbearable. Its been a very difficult day and i rang my husband at work to say 'we need a takeaway evening tonight, i feel awful, i think we deserve one weve done really well all month, and i just want 1 evening to have some pizza and chocolate and well start again tommorow'.
As soon as id put the phone down i started getting really upset. I imagined stepping on the scale in the morning i know for a fact it was going to be about 5-10lbs heavier and spend all week getting back to where i was. Then i got angry, i was angry at myself for giving in, angry that i couldnt eat what i want and just plain angry that i felt i didnt have a choice.
Well, something snapped inside of me. I recalled a lot of motivational phrases from this site. I thought, i DO have a choice! and i am choosing to be unhappy right now and i dont have to. i can do this! and when i step on the scale in the morning i want to be HAPPY, not guilty/angry/depressed. I stomped into the kitchen, got some onions out, fetched the biggest knife i could find and started ATTACKING them! All these things were going around in my head, 'i wont QUIT!' 'you will not win anymore' 'i DESERVE to be happy, i DESERVE good food!' 'I am going to get to where i want to be!' 'I have a CHOICE'. Its sounds really sad, but i was literally talking to myself the whole time i was working through making tea, untill before i knew it, it was done. It just needs popping in the oven before hubby comes home.
Anyway, i sat down and had a cup of tea and a breather. And i felt so proud of myself! I was on a high. An even BETTER high than the junk food gives me. I felt proud of myself for doing the best for my family, but also for me! instead of thinking, im not getting what i want to eat, i was thinking, im giving my body the very best fuel i can. Im developing an amazing sense of self worth and inner peace that ive never before experienced. And it is literally a fight, i feel like im FIGHTING with myself all the time over these cravings. But i just want to say, KEEP FIGHTING!!!! It is SO worth it! YOU, are so worth it!
So freaking proud of myself!
