Hi everyone! It's that time of year again when I resolve once and for all to loose this weight. I'm a newbie here, but not to dieting. And you might think I'm a little late- I mean, most people star their resolutions the 1st of the year. Not me. I have always been more comfortable starting late January. Because: I like to plan out what the **** I'm doing.
But to be honest with you, I'm 31. And at this age, I just feel like this might just be how I will be forever. It's an uncomfortable feeling. I dread the future- because soon my sweet beautiful daughter will be old enough to want to do things that are going to make mommy embarrassed to do- or have to pass up entirely. She is going to be my roller coaster kid. And while I like roller coasters (provided I've popped some anti-nausea pills first!), I barely fit into the roller coaster seats now- let alone one made for a child. She going to want to go to the beach. Well, I can sort of pull that one off- I'm fair skinned and actually do need to wear a t shirt while swimming out doors. She's going to want to go to a water park, an amusement park, the corner carnivals that will come this spring..... And for many of those activities- I might just have to have her dad take her (we are divorced) or my brother. It's depressing.
I've been struggling with my weight since I was a kid. I had a traumatic childhood and started packing on pounds. I lost a **** of a lot of weight in college, but suffered a second major depressive episode (I have dythsmia, Officially diagnosed at 16- showed signs beginning at 12), was put on alot of anti psychotic medication and ballooned back up. Then I became pregnant with my daughter. Stopped all the medication, but obviously gained weight with the pregnancy. The day I had my daughter, I was two pounds short of 300 lbs. My weight stabilized anywhere between 240-260 after that and this is where I've been stuck for the past 4 years. Constantly trying to lose weight.
Good news/bad news is, I was diagnosed two weeks ago with hypothyroidism. Probably Hashimoto's (Which my mom has), but I won't get a for sure until I go to an endocrinologist. Regardless, For the past four years, I've watched my weight not budge, my hair fall out, my energy levels flat line, And every morning I wake up and feel like I've been hit by a mac truck. I thought maybe this is what every single mother feels like. Apparently I'm wrong. But it will take a long time to get the meds right and for me to start feeling better again.
Tomorrow, I start slim fast again. It's not the greatest diet for someone who has hypothyroidism (due to the soy), but I am a creature of convenience. I've had some success with it in the past. Not only that, but I can't go back to my previous no fail diet because a) it sucked b) I was a royal ***** on it and c) it has a **** of a lot of soy products in it.
I could really use friends right now. I'm actually quite the little hermit. But, I can tell I'm going to need it this time. My family is going through hard times right now. Everything seems to be crashing down around us and The last thing I'm going to do is burden them with my weight loss woes.
I apologize for my rant.
But I hope to make it to the other side this time. And If I can't do it for me, I must do it for my daughter.
LR
It's that time of year again-Hello!
To each their own 
And now no one can believe she's so petite. 
Dhani 
