Hello! I have been struggling with binge eating and overeating for several months now. I have recently put on 20 extra pounds, even though months ago I asserted that I would start my diet. I have not lost a single pound since I made that commitment- only gained. How ridiculous, I know. I cannot say what started this sudden weight gain. I suppose loneliness, stress of college life, constantly comparing myself and feeling inadequate... I don't like to feel these feelings, so I stuff them down with food.

No one in my family has problems with food, and it is hard to find support from them. I don't know why I have such issues losing weight, and even though I know I'm at an unhealthy weight for my height, I still find myself binge-ing and gaining weight - every day. It needs to end now. I'm scared of failing because I've failed so many times before. And every time I go home, I am constantly reminded of it. I feel so stuck, and I just am hoping to find some support out there, so I can turn to this blog every day instead of stuffing my face. I really want to make a change NOW, stop putting off this diet plan until - next week, next month, next year, whatever. I want to finally one day wake up and be happy to look in the mirror, instead of disgusted.

Of course, I'd love to be thinner by Christmas when I go home and see the family, but I just want to lose the weight and keep it off for good. Hoping to find some support out there! Any tips, suggestions, thoughts for motivation and inspiration are more than welcome.

Welcome to 3FC!

This is exactly it. Start NOW. Anytime you find yourself doing something that detracts from your goals stop that very instant and move forward.

You can do anything you set your mind to, just don't give up!

Hi Starfish,

It sounds like you need a mental rearrangement to get yourself on track with dieting. You can find great support here. Also try Louis Hay's book I can do it. It has a complete section of positive affirmations for body image. I think over coming our mind is more than half the battle in weight lose.

It sounds like you need a stress reliever and your body has chosen food. Though you keep saying you are binging- what are you doing? I found part of the reason I've binged is was because I starved myself all day then would binge at night. You have to really look at what and when you are eating, and change it.

I never ate breakfast and now I eat breakfast EVERY.SINGLE.DAY and that makes such a world of difference.

Choose a plan that works for you AND is reasonable. You aren't going to lose 20 lbs in one week.

Dear Olivia, Ja2, and Beerab,

Thank you ALL so much for your responses! I already feel like I have support, which is so important. I'll definitely check out that book when I go home for Christmas and have time after my final exams - thanks Ja2, for the suggestion!!

So, what would be a reasonable goal to set for Christmas? 5 pounds? I want to set a goal, but I'm scared I'll set one, fail, and then go into a binge because I feel so ashamed...

Thanks again, friends!

Hi, Starfish.

I've found that when it comes to setting goals, I do poorly with "lose X pounds by Y date." In the past, I've started off super-motivated and adopting a punishing plan of exercise and diet, then gotten discouraged when the loss wasn't as big as I'd hoped (and a lot of times I was unrealistic with my goals--six pounds per week, craziness like that).

This time, I've made every goal I've set for myself. The difference is, I now set goals related to efforts, NOT outcome. I can't control how many pounds my body will lose by a given date; when that date rolls around, I might have a lot of water weight at the time or may just have started a slower loss cycle. What I can control, though, is my behavior.

Instead of "I'll lose X pounds by Y," could you aim for goals that don't rely as much on factors out of your control? "I'm going to write down everything I eat or drink between now and Christmas" is a good place to start; simply writing stuff down results in as much as a 25% drop in calories consumed, according to numerous studies on weight loss. Another might be "I'm going to remove all off-plan foods from my house." One that I do every day is "I'm going to measure my portions." How about something in the shorter term like, "Today, I won't binge?"

As you see yourself meeting these new goals, you'll gain the confidence in your own ability to effect real changes on your weight and your health. I can't even describe to you how empowering it's been for me to realize that weight loss doesn't have to mean the cycle of failure, shame, guilt, punishment, and weight gain that it's been in the past. The difference is that I've finally learned to focus on what is within my control to change, not on the results.

If I keep exercising, counting calories, adhering strictly to portion sizes, writing everything down, and perfecting my plan, I can't help but succeed at weight loss. It won't always be easy, and sometimes I've felt frustrated enough to cry, but most days it's actually pretty simple--even pleasant and fun sometimes, too.

Weight loss is a very long-term trip. Just staying on course, whether you're running or moseying or hardly moving at all, is more than most people can do. You won't fail, not if you fix your eyes on goals that you know are well within your power. I feel sure of it!

First off, You're definitely in the right place for support!

5 pounds sounds like a pretty good goal for Christmas or maybe New Year's if you feel that 5 is too much to do by Christmas. Whatever goal you set, NEVER feel like you've failed! If you stick with it you'll reach that goal, maybe the next day, maybe the next week or month, but you WILL meet that goal! That's the important part!!!

Welcome and best of luck to you!

Thanks, Nola and Lindsey!! Setting behavioral goals sounds like SUCH a better plan for me, actually. That way I can't use not meeting my weight goal by a certain date as an excuse to give up and binge again. I can often think in terms of black and white, all or nothing, so if I'm not sticking to my plan, I should just give up and stop trying. Not this time. I'm going to try and be kinder to myself when I slip, that way I can pick myself up right away, instead of wallowing in self-pity and drowning myself in ice cream! Do you guys have personal threads you've created I can check out and see what has worked for you/how progress has been going? Still trying to figure out how this site works

I agree with the others. I never set a pound goal (besides my ultimate goal). I do set a goal like "I will eat as healthy as possible in each situation" goal. So far I've been doing pretty well with it. Right now there are so many parties and things going on it's impossible to be perfect, BUT I'm going to do my best to do as well as possible. Next Monday AND Thursday at my work are two parties, for each one I'm bringing devilled eggs and for each one I'm going to stay away from desserts and try to eat only items that are full of protein and veggies. I'm bringing devilled eggs to both parties so I know for sure I'll have some protein. Monday is a cookie party and I plan on packaging the cookies up and sending them over to my husband's work as a gift for his coworkers So I can participate in the party, have some lunch, AND get rid of the 4 dozen cookies I baked and exchanged!

Just to add- don't think of it as being perfect, but as improving upon your health, and improvement is a plus right?

My blog is all about progress, not perfection

it's www.thistimeits4real.com

I tend to think that way also. I'm really working on it though. I would love to be instantly thin again, but what I realized is that daily I'm creating better habits that I need to be proud of. Just this week alone

Little changes make a big different in the long run.

Hi and welcome to 3FC.

Good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

Hi friends! Thanks so much for all of your helpful advice. What do you guys do when you have a slip-up? I've changed a LOT of foods that I buy - no longer buying ice cream or anything dessert-like (cookies/cakes/etc.), but I STILL find myself overeating. And sometimes, when I start overeating, I get so frustrated it ends up being a binge... any helpful advice to pick yourself up when you fall? I know it's still early so it's pathetic that I'm already having such difficulty... I need to realize that nothing can change if I keep eating so much, but I just want to see this weight GONE already.

I had a slip up this past wednesday night and I beat myself up all day THursday and stuck to my plan again. Got right back to the plan made myself feel awful about the slip up and moved on... but I also recognized that there was something going on the caused the slip up... and I need to adjust for that.

Most important is to get RIGHT back to your plan!!

If you learned something about why you strayed from your plan, then you still got something valuable.

The key is to analyze why it happened--and no, "I have no willpower" and "I can't resist cookies/crackers/whatever" aren't reasons (and aren't true at any rate ). Some foods are just triggers--even a little taste, even if it's on plan, you'll want more-more-more of it after having the first bite. Best thing to do is just ban them from your house.

If you've been writing stuff down, you should be able to see some patterns emerge. For example, I noticed that eating meals that didn't contain a balance of protein, fat, and complex carbohydrates left me jonesing for whatever element was missing. Now I make sure that all my meals contain the "holy trinity" and that all my snacks contain at least two of the above.

Another thing that's really, really important: don't beat yourself up for a slip, at least not for long. You want to acknowledge mistakes and avoid repeating them, but dwelling on them and punishing yourself for them helps nothing and might even sabotage your future efforts. I know this because I've struggled with it in the past and abandoned many attempts because I over-corrected, starved myself, and gorged. It's SO not worth it to punish yourself like that, so learn from my fail.

WOW!!!! I am new today just started to e exact and reading you message was so empowering to me!! I just wanted to say thank you!! These are fantastic pointers and ideas!!!