So, I was standing in the hall this morning and grabbed my "lovehandles" and said to my husband, "I hope the next 40 lbs comes from here." He got this shocked look on his face and said, "You've lost 40 lbs?!"
Is it not noticeable? Can he not tell? It just upset me. I've been looking at myself in the mirror everyday trying to figure out where the weight is coming from. I've gone from size 24w jeans to 20 (one pair of 18s), but other than that I can't really tell. Now to think that he can't tell?! It just makes me feel deflated.
Location: Purdue University area, near West Lafayette, IN
Posts: 647
S/C/G: 210/194/140 Rd 2 beginning 3/7
Height: 5' 3.5"
Love this. pbolton posted to MRC forum sometime ago. It helps get some perspective. It is so true. Remember, the fat is coming from EVERYWHERE, so you likely don't just see it in one place -- but that is a really good thing!
I found this "analogy" a while back, and I think it really helps in understanding why the weight and inches can come off and not show so much in the beginning. I remember losing 20-30 lbs. in the beginning, and I was so thrilled, but nobody else seemed to notice. Very frustrating. I think that's why so many folks become disillusioned and give up. Now I can lose five pounds and folks comment about how quickly I lose weight and they wish they could do the same.
It was written pertaining to the Body For Life Challenge, but it really applies to any weight loss program.
Paper Towel Theory by Bob White
Let's assume you go out and buy two rolls of paper towels, each with only 84 paper towels on it (one for each day of the challenge). You put one aside, and keep it for future reference (your before/ picture).
The other one represents you (I'll call your paper towel you "Ed"). The core represents the lean Ed. The towels represent the fat that is covering the lean Ed. For sake of argument, let's say that Ed wants to lose 21 pounds of fat, so (84/21) each sheet represents a quarter-pound of fat lost. Let's also assume that Ed loses his fat equally during each day of the challenge.
Each day during the first week, you tear a sheet off of Ed, representing the fat he has lost for the day. Next, you put Ed next to the full roll ("Big Al") for comparison. No noticeable difference!!! Even at the end of the week! This can't be working for me!
But, being a good Ed, you continue to follow Body-for-LIFE. At the end of weeks two and three, you continue to compare Ed to Big Al, and still notice very little difference. That stinkin' Bill Phillips MUST be a liar!
But Ed is determined! He works hard! Three more weeks go by, the sheets peeling off day after day, before Ed gets up the courage to stand next to Big Al again. Holy Myoplex! Ed is skinny! OK, not skinny, but less huge!!!
By the end of the 12-week Body-for-LIFE program, Ed is down to his lean dream, or somewhere near it. Ed is happy. We are happy. Big Al - well he's not so happy.
The lesson to be learned is that fat, like paper towels, comes off in sheets. When you are heavy, you are big around. And when you are big around,that fat is spread over a MUCH larger area - just like that outside towel sheet. The closer you get to the lean you, the more each lost pound of fat shows, because it is spread over a smaller area.
While the outside sheet may only cover 1 layer of the roll, the inside sheet may go around 4 times. That last sheet looks like it gives you 4 times the results of the first sheet, but in reality, the results are the same - your perception is just different! And you'll never see the inside, if you aren't patient while the outside is coming off! - Bob White
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When you're larger, it takes more significant losses to be easily noticeable. I seriously wasn't getting comments, nor was I able to see the difference in photos/the mirror, until about 20lbs were gone. And my starting BMI was lower than yours. But as I got smaller, each and every pound made a visible difference it seemed like. There was a full body reshaping between 140lbs and 130lbs. At 125-127, I look better than at 130 even. Not to say that your appearance hasn't changed at all, because I'm darn sure that it has if you've gone down from 24 to 20/18s. But the visible changes are going to become more noticeable and show up faster the smaller you get.
Also, we look at ourselves everyday in the mirror, and our spouses look at us everyday. It's hard to notice the shrinking since it happens slowly over time. I bet if he had gone on vacation when you were at your highest weight and just now came back, 40lbs down, he'd see a big difference. The shrinking is such that it's tiiiiny changes every single day, and those little changes are hard to notice when you see yourself everyday. Eventually though, you'll look in the mirror and think "wait, what? when did I get so small??"
Also, my fiance still believes that I only lost 25lbs, and that's exactly what I want him to think...even though it was nearly 60. For some reason, I don't really want him to know that I was 180+lbs. I wouldn't be crushed if he found out, I'd just rather omit that little detail. He came back from Iraq after not seeing me since I was at my highest and said "Whoa!! You lost what? Like 25lbs!?" And I just smiled and said "yea, around that," and left it at that. Maybe your husband HAS noticed the change, and he just doesn't have a good eye for guessing pounds.
Oh, my. I wanted to scream, then cry after reading this post! 40 lbs is an AMAZING job.
Part of me wants to kick your husband for not paying attention. That's the only excuse I can give for him. I am sure that he is kicking himself right now, too.
KEEP GOING!!! In his defense, he sees you every day so the changes are more gradual for him. It WILL show. Hang in there!
Men have no idea what women weigh. When I was thinner (about 140 probably) a while back a male class mate and I were talking about weight for some reason. He said "you weigh, what, like 108 lbs?" I was like "I'm 5' 8" I would fall over if I weighed that." He looked confused. I said "You have no idea what women weigh, do you." "None" he said.
He probably thought you were 25 pounds over weight, like mkendrick said.
It's true, men have no concept of weight. I asked my boyfriend how much he thought I was before losing weight. I also assured him to be honest and I wouldn't get angry at him no matter his answer. He said, "Okay, honestly I think you were between 150 and 160... um, I was 195.
Sunshine Don't let that get you down. You are doing a great job. I will be honest about something. I think it was back in July or August when people was starting to notice that I had lost weight. My Husband was aware all along, but he doesn't comment much. The point I was wanting to make about July or August is that, at that point I had lost 90 pounds! I had to lose 90 pounds before most people noticed! I must have hid that 90 pounds really well for them not to notice it. Now that I am smaller, if I lose 5-10 pounds in a month, it's really noticeable.
My husband is the same way- he acts like I weigh 110 or something. I prefer to let him keep thinking that. When I tell him the doctor says I'm too heavy and need to lose weight, specially if I want to have kids, he looks at me and is like WHAT is the doctor talking about? Are you sure she's not a quack?! lol.
I've lost over 30 lbs and it took about 30 lbs for people to START noticing.
Don't get discouraged- you are doing fabulous- I bet someone who hasn't seen you in a while will definitely notice.
AND AND AND if you are wearing the same clothes and they are baggy now- it's much harder to tell- go through your closet and old stuff and start trying stuff on again- you might find some smaller outfits fit and that will DEFINITELY make people notice
Men have no idea what women weigh. When I was thinner (about 140 probably) a while back a male class mate and I were talking about weight for some reason. He said "you weigh, what, like 108 lbs?" I was like "I'm 5' 8" I would fall over if I weighed that." He looked confused. I said "You have no idea what women weigh, do you." "None" he said.
He probably thought you were 25 pounds over weight, like mkendrick said.
This made me think of something that happened yesterday. It's kind of off topic, but goes along with how people in general (men, probably especially) simply have a hard time eyeballing and guessing weights.
My fiance's aunt is this little itty bitty Japanese lady. She's a hoot, and I love her, but she says ANYthing that's on her mind. When I was at my highest weight, she asked, at the dinner table in front of everyone "Megan...is the rest of your family obese like you?" (In her very thick Japanese accent). She didn't mean it in a mean way, it was just a thought that popped into her head, thus it came out of her mouth.
Well now, she gives me grief about being too skinny. She's always trying to feed me, poking at my ribs saying I have no meat, saying I'll blow away, etc etc etc. Well yesterday she asked me how much I weighed...I told her, I hover right around 125lbs. She got this horrified look on her face and said "That's FAT!!" ......She's also 4'11 and tiny, she's probably never weighed over 105 in her life. Apparently she didn't make the connection that 125lbs looks different on somebody who is 5'7 than it does on somebody who's 4'11, lol.
It's hard to eyeball somebody's weight or guesstimate how much a person has gained/lost. Frame size, where they gain, body composition, etc make it hard to guess.
I guess it is true that he is clueless about how big I actually am. I said something about needing new jeans once and he offered to pick a pair up for me...then commented, "You wear an 11?" I was a 24 so said, "Whaaat!?" He said "Well, that's what size your underwear are..." This is the same man who still thought a bikini was a good idea when I weighed close to 280. Same guy who says "He's a BIG OL' boy...probably goes 250 lbs! Wheew!"
Yeah, he's probably just clueless. Hopefully, I'll start noticing soon.
The heavier you are, the longer and more pounds it takes for the loss to get noticed. My first 30 pounds or so wasn't too noticeable. These last 10 have been very noticeable. Hang in there and don't let it get you down! You are doing an excellent job!
Do you have any children? Any nieces and nephews? If you think about children you see every day and you see them grow up one tiny tiny bit at a time then you will appreciate what he is seeing - minute changes every day that make big changes over time. If you compare children you see every day to perhaps a niece who lives a long way away that you see twice a year that's when you see them change from a babe in arms to toddling around your garden as if it happened overnight. Your weight loss is exactly the same, and soon you will bump into someone you haven't seen in a while and they'll be stunned to see how much you lost.
My husband is also clueless about weight. He's tall so he can weigh 195lbs and look perfectly OK on it. When I weighed 197 he thought I was a couple of pounds over, not 50-something!
Even experienced people can mess it up sometimes, though, I saw a doctor who lectured me about my weight, then I saw him again a few months later a whole 3lbs lighter and he was amazed to read in my notes that I was officially obese - 3lbs doesn't make that difference!! Presumably when I see him again next year he will think I have melted.
My fiance's aunt is this little itty bitty Japanese lady. She's a hoot, and I love her, but she says ANYthing that's on her mind. When I was at my highest weight, she asked, at the dinner table in front of everyone "Megan...is the rest of your family obese like you?" (In her very thick Japanese accent). She didn't mean it in a mean way, it was just a thought that popped into her head, thus it came out of her mouth.
it's tough when English isn't thier native tongue. It's hard to know which words are acceptable and which aren't. If she had said "does the rest of your family have weight issues?" or "does the rest of your family struggle with their weight?" it might have been a totally acceptable question.
Hrm...what does it mean?
Now that I am smaller, if I lose 5-10 pounds in a month, it's really noticeable.
