Hello everyone! My name is Arlene, I'm 26 and I just found this forum today after searching online for weight loss support.
I'm 5' 3 1/2", and I'm currently at 238 pounds, a few pounds down from my highest weight of 245. About two years ago, I weighed 153 (down from 232 at the time). I got pregnant early last year, and it all went downhill from there. I gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy, and then my son was born 14 weeks early after I had a placental abruption (that's a long and horrible birth story that I will save for another time), weighing 2 pounds 6 ounces, 15 inches long.
At that point in time I was thrown into a pretty deep depression. I felt like my body had failed me and my child. My son was in the neonatal intensive care unit for 2 1/2 months and I ate my way through that entire 2 1/2 months and then some. My husband and I got into a car accident when I was about 3 weeks out from my emergency c-section (we were actually on our way to the NICU to see our son at the time) and my back got pretty screwed up. The only working out I can do now with minimal pain is walking. My son will be 14 months old in a few days (he's perfectly healthy, by the way!)and I now weigh 238. I was doing pretty good on yet another lifestyle change until about 3 weeks ago and then I derailed myself yet again... I went from 245 to 233 and then back to 238. I've had no motivation to work out at all lately and I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself.
I know that support is what I need. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see... I am so ashamed. I don't go much of anywhere anymore except for visits with family because I'm ashamed and feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Half the time I don't even want to eat because I feel that if I starve myself I will lose weight faster (which I know is stupid) and get myself back on track... But it always ends in a binge. I don't know why I'm not strong enough to do this right.
My brother is getting married in June and I'm the biggest bridesmaid by far- everyone else is super cute
and tiny. I need to do something just so I can feel happy and confident again... I don't want my insecurities to get in the way of enjoying my life and my brother's wedding day. I want to be healthy for myself and my son. I want to be a mama that he can be proud of.
I know that this post has been long and super depressing, and that in itself makes me sad! That is so not me... I want to be bubbly and happy again like I used to be. I know that getting healthy again is what I need to make that happen. I hope to get some support during my journey here on the forums and hopefully make a few friends in the bargain!
Thanks for reading,
Arlene
(I dunno why the whole thing didn't post! I'm on my blackberry so that might be why. Sorry about that!)
Hi Arlene, Gud morning. I am so sorry that you had to face all those problems in the last 14 months but now that your son is healthy and you have recovered a little from your injury, you should get a grip on your life. You deserve to be happy and nothing should stop you from being what you want to be. As you can't do a lot of exercise, you can start with calorie counting and walking as far as you can. It helps to have someone to be accountable to in your weight loss program. So if you have any friends who are in the same boat you could make a team and do it together. Even if you have no one you can get as much support as you want from this forum. So GUD LUCK to you in your journey of weight loss. I know you can do it.
Those of us who have lost weight and are now maintaining due to careful eating and plenty of scheduled exercise, are thrilled about where we are and want others to join us. Your post did not seem really depressing, because in the end, your baby is what really mattered, and he's fine. Sometimes life is one big bad adventure after another. But now, look to an exciting adventure of getting healthy and happy again. We're here, and we're strong. You can stand on our shoulders and reach that goal.
Thanks to all of you for the warm welcome! I am excited about getting started and feeling better again. My body hurts due to all of this weight and I'm willing to do whatever I can to be healthy!
I know I should seek counseling, because to be honest I think I'm dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. What stinks is that unfortunately now that we're down to one income (I quit my job to stay home with the little guy) I don't think we can afford it. I'm trying to reach out to other preemie moms though, because talking about it does make me feel a bit better. I am trying to focus on the positive! I know I'm blessed for sure- my doc says there's a chance that both my son and I could've died due to the abruption. It's just taken me awhile to come to terms with a lot of what happened and the fact that I can't know WHY, y'know?
This is my second chance at life and I am soooo ready to take it! I want to be active with my son and show him what healthy living is. Thanks again for replying, you all <3
Starting over again!
to 3FC! We're here for you! 
