I generally feel OK with myself. I'm not perfect but I've gotten to a healthy size and I am in exponentially better shape than I was a few months ago.
Every once in a while, someone will say something that just throws off my perception of myself and my progress and I'll feel like no matter what I do, I'll never be satisfied because I am so much bigger compared to other Asian women my height, just giving one example. The only excuse I can come up with is "I grew up with an American diet" and that doesn't cut it.
What about everyone else? Do you have any sensitive spots/triggers that lead to massive dissatisfaction and frustration that you'll never be good enough?
I'm Filipino but also grew up with the western culture of eating. It's no excuse but to some degree it's a valid reason for poor eating habits. Still, I grew up overseas, mostly in southeast Asia (Philippines, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Singapore) and the women from these countries are typically petite and very slim. It was hard being an acceptable size when I was in the US and yet being an unacceptable size when I returned to Asia. On top of which, I'm referring to a time when I was extremely involved in sports (specifically competitive swimming) and had a lot of muscle tone etc etc. I always got comments from Asian ladies about being too overweight and whatnot, despite my doctor, telling me I was in tip-top prime shape! It was very very frustrating. But at the same time, it shows you the lack of education many Asians have when it comes to good health, good eating habits and even stuff as simple as proper food prep and hygiene.
Your post made some old song lyrics pop into my head. It's from a Garbage song..."I'm not beautiful like you, I'm beautiful like me." Trust me, I've said that to people. I am tall for a girl and build muscle fast. I am not petite, I am what you call buxom, full-bosomed and made exactly the way I was supposed to be made with a full chest and wide hips. There's nothing wrong or inappropriate about how your body is made, there's nothing wrong with their petite-ness either. The problems is that they feel entitled to cast their judgements on you. It's their personal problem, not yours. Know you are beautiful and own it, despite what people say b/c people are always talking and never know when to shut up.
I am tall for a girl and build muscle fast. I am not petite, I am what you call buxom, full-bosomed and made exactly the way I was supposed to be made with a full chest and wide hips.
ME TOO!
I think I slouch so much from trying to appear "smaller". I had two close friends in high school. one was pretty average height, but always slender and the other was 5'0". I think I slouched to appear less like the amazon woman I am. Now, I am trying to embrace my body for what it is. And I am trying to work with it rather than against it. (trying to build muscles in my arms since they will never be pettite - they may as well be muscular!)
You can't do anything to change the basic structure of your body... and you shouldn't feel ashamed or unhappy with it. You are you and everyone else will have to get over it!
I feel for you. That has to be hard to constantly compare yourself to others whom you think you probably should look like and might if you were born in that country/culture. You are immersed in that culture, from what I've read, so that has to be trying. I'm not sure any of us non-Asians can really understand not having been there ourselves.
I can tell you I have similar experiences in my family. I feel like I'm too tall (yeah, at 5'4" All the women in my family are under 5 feet and I'm the same height as my grandpa and taller than one uncle. They're tiny people! And their weights are all tiny too. So what happened to me? I have been so self-conscious my entire life. Most of it I brought on myself, though I admit my mom did not help. LOL! She wanted a tiny and petite daughter. It took me moving out, gaining SERIOUS real weight and then I saw that I was tiny and petite in high school and college! I was a size 3! But I was a "tall" (ha!) size 3. Now my eyes are open. Now I see that I was small, and heck, that I'm small now!
I had to stop comparing myself to others.
But, that worked for me. I don't know if that will work for you. I hope you find your peace wherever you land.
I find the easiest way to feel great about myself is to find a ridiculously large man to suit my larger me!
I wear a size 9 shoe, but when I put them next to his 15 I feel like I have dainty feet!
I'm the tallest in my whole tiny irish family at 5'5, but next tho his 6'4 I feel tiny!
Honnestly though I've never felt like I had to justify my weight. I was the fattest in the room at work- but so what? That guy is the shortest, that guy dresses like a hipster, that girl exercised 5 hours a day and ate nothing but lettuce because she though a size 4 was HUGE. Everyone is different in good ways and in bad ways. I'm fat because I never put in an effort to lose weight before. If someone called me fat I would reply - yeah I am pretty fat, one of those days I'll get on that. They were right, and I had no right to cry about it because I had done nothing about it.
Now If someone calls me fat I can say "I'm working on it!" I still don't feel bad about it - if they were wrong, or I had been making lots of effort with no progress then I might be bothered but they're not.
The only soft spot I have is when I put huge amounts of effort into something and then someone tells me I did a crappy job, or I should have tried harder. This usually has more to do with art then fat. I work a lot harder on my art then on my fat!
I think the hardest part about that is pleasing yourself. I know when it comes to art (art is also my job not just hobby) I have trouble Pleasing myself. When someone says 'this needs to be better'. It's not their comment that is really hurtful, it's me saying to myself- you should have worked harder, you should be better, I told you so!
The hard part is learning to accept yourself. Knowing you tried your best and accepting your limitations. With weight I find that easier, but with art I never feel good enough.
If you really honestly like yourself no amount of criticism will phase you.
If I ever figure out how to do it I'll let you know! For now- I'm off to work harder >.<
Keeping a thick skin when the naysayers naysay
All the women in my family are under 5 feet and I'm the same height as my grandpa and taller than one uncle. They're tiny people! And their weights are all tiny too. So what happened to me? I have been so self-conscious my entire life. Most of it I brought on myself, though I admit my mom did not help. LOL! She wanted a tiny and petite daughter. It took me moving out, gaining SERIOUS real weight and then I saw that I was tiny and petite in high school and college! I was a size 3! But I was a "tall" (ha!) size 3. Now my eyes are open. Now I see that I was small, and heck, that I'm small now! 
