And I don't just mean losing weight. I mean controlling my stress levels. I am working on trying to get healthy. I was recently diagnosed with mild periodontist, but I am now combating that with lots of visits to the dentist and keeping up (religiously) with my oral hygiene. But this isn't enough to combat my stress, I'm afraid, so I've been taking a look at myself, my stress, my depression, my anger. I need to fix these things before they hurt me worse. Here's a list of things I am going to try to keep up (albeit this is an extensive list for someone as lazy as me, but I really want to 'fix' me).
1.) I will try to be more blunt. Not to the point of being mean, but I'm one of those people that don't like to say what I want, and expect people to read my mind (especially with hubby). In the end I get frustrated, angry, or depressed. I realize if I just state what I wanted to begin with I would avoid that.
2.) I will clean my house more. I am a VERY lazy person, and filth leads to my stress, so even if I'm not perfect at cleaning up everything, I will at least try. I don't work. I sit around all day, so there's no reason why I can't sit around later after I've made the house tidier.
3.) This may be TMI, but I will make love to my husband more. Because of my weight, stress, and depression, I usually have no energy for cleaning let alone being intimate. This leads to my husband and I fighting thus more stress. Plus, sex is supposed to de-stress you anyway, right?
4.) I will exercise more, and maybe even pick up yoga and pilates again.
5.) I will take better care of myself: wearing sunblock, showering daily (again, depression leads me to neglecting myself to the point of being disgusting), brushing my hair. ect.
6.) I will try and change my diet for the better: less sugar, no soda or sweet tea, less processed junk, and more veggies and fruit (though I can't buy organic, it will still be better than what I'm already eating).
I know most people will think this list is ridiculous, because everyone is supposed to already be acting like this. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am irritable all the time. I cry almost daily. I get angry, annoyed, frustrated at the drop of a hat. I just want to view myself as being normal, and I want a happier life.
If anyone else wants to try these things (or a list of your own) please feel free to post it. I just needed to get this off my chest.
A couple of years ago, that could've been my list!!
What I did first was get counseling. It was there that I found out I actually have ADD. Looking back at how I was as a kid, it was obvious. A lot of people who knew me back then said, "Well YEAH!" when I told them I was diagnosed, like duh I should've known, LOL.
Second, I made a point of getting up EVERY MORNING and getting dressed to the shoes. No sweatpants allowed. They have to button or zip. I don't wear makeup every day, but I at least brush my hair and pull it up. I bought a really nice Oral B sonic toothbrush (Precision, I think it's called, the one with the little round head) that vibrates differently after 2 minutes so you know you've brushed enough. I also use those floss-picks so I'm not messing with tons of string. Once a month I take an hour to pluck my eyebrows and polish my nails and toenails. Or at least buff/trim them.
Third, my house is STILL messy, but now, since I've been on the ADD medication, I'm not totally and completely overwhelmed by it and can actually do housework without collapsing with anxiety. Not every room is 100% (mostly 'cause of my messy hubby! ) but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.
This is relatively new. My husband and I made a point to shut off the TV and computer an hour after the kids go to bed. We take a shower together, not really DOING anything, just washing each other and being nice to one another. He gets out, shaves or whatever, I shave my legs (every other day, DO IT!! if you do it!) and then get out. We go to bed and watch a steamy movie or just sit and talk to each other. We take time to get in the mood. All in all, from getting in bed to actually falling asleep, it's about an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours. And I have to say, it's quite lovely. I actually look forward to that time every single night. Before we started doing this, I REALLY wasn't all that into sex. Hubby was even getting bored with it. We were lucky if we messed around once a month, and even then it was like, "Ok, get it over with..." Not at all fun stuff. Just take time and focus on each other, not doin' it!
I'm actually a little relieved to see someone with some of the EXACT same issues I had, and still have! I know you can bring yourself out of this funk. Just start with small things and let them build. Nail polish works wonders.
For number 2... I find that having decorative bins and tossing a bunch of the randomness that piles up around the house is awesome, when I have time I go back and sort through them but at least the room is somewhat clean.
For number 3... I found that I didn't ALWAYS have to have sex just to be sexual. Sometimes my husband and I just masturbate with each other or have a really intense make out session. Or shower together... There are a lot of intimate things to do together.
Thanks, ladies. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. My husband and I used to take long, hot baths together, but our water heater broke, so we're trying to save up to replace it (bills are kind of bogged down because of my new dental bills). Yes, I use the floss picks too. I'm too clumsy with regular floss, and my dentist says they work just as well (better in my case because I actually floss every day now).
We use bins to put our clothes and some dvds in. I haven't worn make-up in months. We don't have kids, and the television probably stays on most of the day because my husband plays video games for hours, and I'm usually on the laptop the whole time. I usually lounge around the house in a shirt and underwear when I don't have any place to go. But, mostly, I'll just get bored and walk next door to my parent's house and hang out with my mom during the day. I'm sure it annoys my husband, but I guess I just don't like staying in the house a lot (guess I'm running away from the mess instead of cleaning it up).
I also will sometimes skip sleeping, or will stay up all night and sleep during the day. It's a bad habit.
Serval87 - this is a really great post! It isnt ridiculous at all, it is hard to take great care of ourselves and most people *dont* do it all...making an effort is great
I too struggle with stress and found an amazing book about how to basically reprogram your brain. It is a little dense to read, took me quite a while to get into it - but has extremely valuable advice. It is by Richard OConnor and is titled "Undoing Perpetual Stress: The Missing Connection Between Depression, Anxiety and 21st Century Illness". Also, "The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite" by Ken Hessler is also amazing work to understand the food/mind connection.
That sounds very much like a person with a very bad depression!
Do get some counselling first and foremost, I'm sure you will find it will help.
The list that you make is rather overwhelming and you are sure to fail at the first hurdle as you have made such a mountain for you to climb. Forget 2 onwards just concentrate on no1 for a week or so, then when you have gotten quite used to that, then incorporate no2, and so on. Give yourself a fair chance.
Well, there are two things that are hard in this life - first is to sort out and make up your mind what you intend to do - and you've done that! Secondly, and the most difficult of all is to STICK to it!!
I can relate to your situation, Serval87. I've found that when my mind isn't organized, my surroundings aren't organized either.
For most of this year my apartment was a MESS. And not just untidy, it was filthy. I couldn't ever have anyone in my apartment, since even basic cleaning wasn't happening (e.g. dirty dishes might sit in the sink for months before I cleaned them. So gross.) I was afraid of having unexpected visitors since I couldn't imagine letting anyone into my apartment. I stayed out of my apartment as much as possible so I could avoid it. I just didn't want to deal with it. My hygiene wasn't fantastic either, and I only really kept up with showers and the like on the weekdays when I had to work. I don't want to think about what I would have been like if I didn't have to work.
I had to get myself mentally organized first. I started getting on track in terms of keeping myself healthy, which meant more of a routine, forcing myself away from the computer to get groceries (not ordering take out and making them deliver), and to exercise. Other areas started falling into place after that. It was a big job to clean my apartment, and I delayed doing it because I didn't know where to start. But once it was done I felt so much better about myself in a lot of ways, that I'm amazed I didn't just deal with it earlier. For me, liking my environment (my apartment) goes a long way to improving my mental health, and helps keep me on track. It was a major step in the right direction.
So, good luck on keeping with your list! I imagine even accomplishing some of them will go a long way towards relieving stress and making you feel better in general.
THANK YOU for this post, and replies. I've really gotten into a slump, and while I've never been a clean freak, my apartment is just out of control gross. It's a very tiny studio, and gets cluttered so quickly, and then I don't even know where to begin. There's no where to put the clutter to organize it, let alone get under it all to clean. It's embarrassing and demoralizing. I'm in a "transition period" right now, but not moving forward AT ALL. I can't find anything. I just shut it out. Even the mice.
So after reading this, I decided this HAS to stop. First on my list of Getting My Life Back on Track is OPERATION CLEAN APARTMENT. Thank you for the inspiration. I may need a shovel and two boxes of trash bags, but I'm going to get it done!!
I can relate to your post, Serval. I'm a slob by nature and when I'm feeling discouraged or down, the cleanliness of my house and my sex drive are the first to go.
With the water heater down it may not be fun, but I've found that getting showered, dressed up and tidying (at least picking stuff up off the floor) my place can improve my mood immensely. Also eating healthier tends to have a really positive effect on things. When you're in the pits of a depressive spell, it can be helpful knowing "Well, at least I've gotten X and Y under control!"
I think you are well on the right track and as others have already said, and I find it so too, when you can get your house tidy it will help greatly in changing your mood. Just tackle one or two rooms at a time - don't try to do the whole house or you will get disheartened. When you have done one room sit down for a few moments and have a cup of tea and delight in your hard work and the new change it has brought. I know you will feel so much better, and just the work involved will be a good enough exercise for starting off with the effort to keeping fit.
All the very best to you.I would like to pop in now and again to see how you are getting on. Go to it girl!!
xty: Thanks for the book titles. I will check them out sometime. I'm doing alright. Got the house pretty clean (well, the parts that we live in. There's a room that has no electricity due to an electrical storm, and we don't use it).
emaline29: I do suffer from depression a lot. Sometimes for no real reason. I do see my list being a bit big for starting out, but I just wanted to type up everything I wanted to 'eventually' strive to do. Our money is pretty tight, so counseling would be out of the question for now, I'm afraid.
Katheryne: Thanks. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. I've been sloppy ever since I was little, because I knew that if I just ignored the mess my mother would do it for me. I wish they would have pushed me a little harder with doing chores, because sometimes I don't feel like I'm mature enough to be living in my own place. lol. We also have mice, so that messes my stress up too. I can't use the cabinets, because the mice mess them up. See, the trailer I live in belonged to my grandparents, and was abandoned for a few years before we moved into it. The floors are messed up in places due to water damage, so once and a while my father has to come and redo them.
pucedaisy: Glad you found inspiration from my topic. Although my place isn't perfect, it still looks a lot better, and my stress levels have came down a bit. I'm still a long way from it being perfect. Thing is about me, is that I may be sloppy, but my mind wants perfection, so it's constantly fighting with itself.
krampus: You definitely have a point there. I think the house being messy may be one of the main culprits to my stress.
Serval, I think making this list is a great step in the right direction. I have suffered with depression on and off for years. My symptoms differ from yours, but I understand how you feel. The one I do identify with is not speaking up about how you feel or what you want. My advice is instead of saying you're going to be blunt work on being assertive. Assertiveness goes over a lot better with people, especially those who are used to seeing you in your more passive role.
Stick with "I statements." For example, I feel angry,when you (fill in the blank). I would appreciate it if next time you would (blank) because I wouldn't feel so upset.
I learned this while in therapy. I always took the passive role in my family so I could just keep the peace. I didn't, and still don't, like conflict. But I've learned asserting my feelings makes a world of difference in how I feel every day.
It's time for me to make a change (rant)
I just needed to get this off my chest.
) but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.
I actually look forward to that time every single night. 
Before we started doing this, I REALLY wasn't all that into sex. Hubby was even getting bored with it. We were lucky if we messed around once a month, and even then it was like, "Ok, get it over with..." Not at all fun stuff. 
I wish they would have pushed me a little harder with doing chores, because sometimes I don't feel like I'm mature enough to be living in my own place. lol. We also have mice, so that messes my stress up too. I can't use the cabinets, because the mice mess them up. See, the trailer I live in belonged to my grandparents, and was abandoned for a few years before we moved into it. The floors are messed up in places due to water damage, so once and a while my father has to come and redo them.
