Horrifically enough, other than a vague sense of "I really should be feeling badly about this"...I'm glad.
I'm HAPPY to be stuffing my face. I'm NOT happy I'm several thousands of calories over what I should be and it's not even 5pm, yet. But, dang it, I LIKE to eat. I like to eat A LOT. I like to watch movies all day and eat tasty food. I DON'T like counting calories. I DON'T like working out.
This is probably not at all a conducive post for 3FC.
But I'm finding it REALLY DIFFICULT right now to remember why I give a hoot about my weight/size/general health at all.
Obviously I know that's "wrong" behavior. That's why I'm here confessing that I have achieve the ultimate sin: I've become apathetic and almost resentful of all this weight-loss stuff.
This is silly, I know. I know I'm ever so much happier, overall, at 150lbs than I was at 175lbs. I'm better off a size 12/13 than I was as a tight size 16. I know that. Sort of.
I just...don't want to do this anymore. And I'm annoyed with myself for having lost my drive or will. I'm annoyed at myself for being happy to just be what I am: a fat, lazy, chick who really likes to eat.
That really sucks that you are having a rough day I feel that way when its close to my TOM. Don't punish yourself for having a day like this, instead try to start over tomorrow, something inside helped you to lose the first 25 pounds, try and find that again! Good luck!
That really sucks that you are having a rough day I feel that way when its close to my TOM. Don't punish yourself for having a day like this, instead try to start over tomorrow, something inside helped you to lose the first 25 pounds, try and find that again! Good luck!
I think this is JUST a rough day. I am sorry you're having one of those days. All I can say is check in on yourself and re-evaluate your goals and why you want(ed) to achieve them. I hope you find new motivation to carry you through. Are you limiting your self too much so that you are feeling too deprived of things you really like?
It sounds like just need a break from calorie counting and not want to think about it for a day. Let's hope you can motivate yourself to get back on plan tommorow. I am having a rough time getting back on plan. Last Year I got down to 207, I now weigh 248. Just don't get stuck like I did, trying to get back on plan.
My idea of a good time was to sip a bit all day, pretty much. And then in the evening I could "relax" and drink even more.
It's addict behavior. A person gets high from it--of course it feels good. I was happy while doing it. Had a great time.
So what your post is saying to me, Shifterred (and the one you posted the other day), is that you had a tough critique, and now you're giving in to the urge to get high and check out.
When I stopped drinking, I threw out all the booze. It was hard, but I had realized that my behavior had a few probable endings, and I didn't like any of them.
Oh, and I didn't go out and buy more.
Oh, and I didn't go into bars or corner stores and buy "just one."
Now, to translate this into food terms--you probably have favorite binge foods. I mean, I doubt you are eating pounds of celery, right? So one thing is, you throw out all the binge foods. Next, you don't go out and buy more. You stock up on weight-loss-friendly items, and in amounts that will only last a couple of days. And, you don't buy anything from corner stores, takeouts, drive throughs, etc.
Assuming, that is, that you want to stop overeating.
Also, do you have a therapist? Counselor? Nutritionist or Dietitian? Maybe time for a consultation, if that's something you can do.
I don't think you'll like the probable endings if you keep on....
No one can stop you except yourself. I hope you decide to make a change.
I feel your pain, I was in your same position last weekend. I'm really sorry you are going through this, but I can't agree more with Jay. I'm having a better weekend because for one thing I didn't buy those binge foods at the store this week. For another I've acknowledged that I have this condition and that I have to manage it, I have to. Period. It's not a want anymore, it's something I have to do and it takes effort. Most of the time, well maybe 75%, it's easy, it's habit and I willing make good decisions but the other 25% of the time I want to stuff my face. But I know the after math just is not worth it. And if it is like a really well prepared decadent meal, then it's that one meal and no more and it's planned enjoyed and accepted.
I really don't have anything to tell you that's going to make this easier for you, because honestly I can't answer that for myself and I'm not sure there really is an answer for me other than knowing this is an issue for me and knowing I know what I need to do to manage it and I have to do it, because I LOVE being thin!
So what your post is saying to me, Shifterred (and the one you posted the other day), is that you had a tough critique, and now you're giving in to the urge to get high and check out.
Thanks for remembering, Jay. This binging doesn't really have any emotional connection, though. I'm not upset about anything. I managed to get over the upset of that and work to USE the critque rather than wallow in it.
I just...woke up today needing to EAT. And I have. All day long.
I know I should get back on track. I know it's important. I just...can't seem to convince myself why.
Maybe I need an attitude adjustment. Maybe I just...need to let this journey go.
Thanks, all, for your support. This really is an awesome site with a lot of awesome members. I just don't know if I really care, anymore.
Hey Shifterred, I'm gonna offer a different, maybe even controversial point of view. Do you like yourself the way you are? Are you happy?
Why did you want to lose the weight in the first place? What motivated you to begin with?
Does weight loss really make you miserable?
These are questions that you need to ask yourself. Because the only person who can motivate you is you, the only person who can make you change is yourself. But why torture yourself if it's not what makes you happy? You're the only person who can continue with this.
I think most important of all, you should be happy. If that means losing weight, then let nothing keep you from reaching your goal. But if that means eating the way you love and accepting yourself the way you are, then that's all right, too.
Maybe you need to do some soul-searching before you can find your motivation again (if at all!)
I agree with Minimo, that if you just aren't in the right place for weight loss, then there's no law saying you have to do it. There are plenty of fat people in this country, and you don't even stand out at your size.
Thing is, and I know you already know this, but just thought I'd remind you...175 is not the upper limit of weight gain. If you decide to put off learning how to eat right, you never know where you'll be in a few years. Believe me I was surprised as all get out to "wake up" one day and find myself (quite a bit) over 300 lbs. And I don't believe there was anything particularly special about me that has allowed me to get this huge. No huge emotional skeletons in the closet, nothing that you could probably look at and say "wow, that will never be me, because I don't have ____ to deal with like she did". I just was a chick who could have written your post 15 years ago, loved to eat junk, and didn't feel like restricting herself.
Just throwing it out there in case it might help you to find a little motivation. Trust me, you don't want to keep gaining weight.
This binging doesn't really have any emotional connection, though.
Well... I'd look at that some more. Binge eating is not normal. If you were just feeling hungry, a nutritious meal would have solved it.
I do agree with the posters who say that being happy instead of miserable all the time is preferable, if that's how you're feeling. And I also agree with shannonmb about there being no upper limit on weight gain.
And as I said before, only you can make you stop. No one could have made me stop drinking (short of imprisoning me) until I was ready.
So--maybe you should just "go about your business" for awhile without trying to lose weight. See what happens. Maybe you'll settle out and just stay where you are, weight wise. That wouldn't be so bad.
That's the good thing about the sun, it always rises and with that tomorrow is a brand neew day. A day full of new beginnings, new ambitions and new hope. Good luck.
I'm not one of these people for whom my favorite treats stop being appealing after a few months of tasty eating. I am not one of these people who just "stops wanting those things" as I so often read here.
My problem has never been cravings - it's been food. Good, tasty, plentiful, delicious food. I just like it. I like it! Eating is fun! There doesn't need to be a whole lot of deeper psychology than that.
The only way I know how to overcome this is just to want to be thin, to want it enough that I am willing to forego some of the pleasure I get from eating. I need to want that distant, amorphous, difficult goal more than I want the instant pleasure of eating plate after unlimited plate of delicious food chosen only for its taste value and mouthfeel, and not for any other reason.
I'm sorry to say, for me it's just a matter of will, of wanting one thing enough to give up another nearer, pleasurable thing by force of will. It's damned hard, but that's been my experience. I don't know of any magic bullet, any psychological trick, any luminous insight into the causes for this and that, that will take the place of just plain will, and accepting that life is a little less fun in the moment I have to say no to the food, in exchange for it being more fun later when I get to be thin.
I am learning to cope with delayed gratification. I am learning to accept that I can't have everything I want - unlimited quantities of delicious food-eating fun that I so enjoy, AND a trim strong body. If I really really want the trim strong body, I have to settle for less of the food-eating fun. That's all.
You might want to read THE END OF OVEREATING by David Kessler to decide whether what and how you ate was really a choice... The book might be at your local library. Not saying it applies to you, but you might find the ideas interesting.
Lots of folks think they are making a choice when in fact it's something else.
Jay
Edited to add: I liked delicious food, too, and I still do. Watching what I eat and eating delicious foods are not mutually exclusive for me. But I'm not a binge eater... OK, with the exception of certain foods that I won't stop eating until they are all gone. I've learned they can't live in my house.
Edited to add: I liked delicious food, too, and I still do. Watching what I eat and eating delicious foods are not mutually exclusive for me.
Not for me, either. But eating delicious foods without mindfulness of quantity or content, just for the pure pleasure of it, is not compatible with being trim, for me. To the contrary, it's how I got fat - not by binging, not by eating fast food from the drivethrough, not by washing down a 750-calorie scone with a 500-calorie sugary "coffee" drink every day. I got fat largely by eating overly large portions of excellent food for fun, either prepared by myself or at wonderful restaurants.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I feel I already understand why I overeat - it's because as a more general matter I tend to put pleasure in the moment ahead of long-term considerations. In short, I'm not good at delayed gratification. I don't believe I need any more psychology than that to get control of the situation at this time. If that turns out not to be the case, I'll consider reading books about the subject. I really hope I don't have to, though.
Hey, S., I read your post last night and was curious to see where this thread might go. I wasn't sure what you were looking for, posting it (that's why I waited to respond, too).
But I'm finding it REALLY DIFFICULT right now to remember why I give a hoot about my weight/size/general health at all.
makes me think you sound depressed. I agree with Jay that the way your write about your eating sounds like there's definitely an emotional element to it. (there's another thought I had, that you've been following an eating plan that made you feel food deprived and you were reacting to that by going on a binge fest.)
as a woman who's been over 300 lbs, I'll say that health wise 30 lbs does not seem to me something you'd need to super focus on. I'd agree that not caring about health or out of control eating patterns that persist can lead to much bigger numbers, and all the complications carrying around that extra weight can entail, in physical and mental health terms.
maybe reassessing how you're going about taking care of your health might be helpful. it doesn't have to be about serious food deprivation, eating celery sticks and brutal exercise routines. lots of options out there.
food is good, healthy foods can taste fantastic too. exercise and activity can be really fun.
I know focusing on losing weight CAN BE obsessive, stressful and depressing. I'm not the Queen of Weight Loss, that's for sure. I still have a ways to go. But I do feel tremendously healthier than I once was, and my habits are light years different than when I started.
good luck with whatever you decide to do, and remember you are really worth putting in the effort to be healthy, whatever weight you are.
WHAM- Off the Wagon HARD
I feel that way when its close to my TOM. Don't punish yourself for having a day like this, instead try to start over tomorrow, something inside helped you to lose the first 25 pounds, try and find that again! Good luck!
So one thing is, you throw out all the binge foods. Next, you don't go out and buy more. You stock up on weight-loss-friendly items, and in amounts that will only last a couple of days. And, you don't buy anything from corner stores, takeouts, drive throughs, etc.
I hope you decide to make a change.
I've learned they can't live in my house.
