Well, how did you? I know ignoring them, but the fact is that's impossible. You hear it, it has an effect on you - there's no POSSIBLE way to "ignore them".
I'm trying to pick out dresses for prom, and I told my parents my friend will come drop off 2 I can try on, to which my dad says "They wouldn't fit you, though." and him and my mom laugh.. in front of my face.
How do you deal with that? Negative remarks, especially from loved ones?
I guess, when it is someone I know and care about, I take it very matter-of-factly. Is this friend your size? maybe they really WOULDnt fit you. People are different shapes and sizes. No one shape or size is any "better" than any other. THey are just different. It is us who places a value judgement on them. I doubt your parents were intending to be cruel. It probably just came out wrong.
HOWEVER, if the person clearly IS trying to be cruel. I just laugh and think "what a jerk. must suck not being able to get away from his miserable self" because people like that really are miserable. What a sad and pathetic way to live sitting around judging people all the time. And imagine how much that person probably secretly judges him/herself too. That type of person isnt even worth your emotions.
Wow. Well, you would know better than I whether your parents were trying to be cruel. I don't give parents the benefit of the doubt--sometimes they ARE deliberately cruel. It is possible that your father made a comment and the laughter is the uncomfortable kind that comes when someone knows that he or she has put a foot in it.
Not knowing you--or your parents--I guess I can only answer from what I HOPE would be my response in like circumstances: just say, "Wow, that was mean" and leave the room.
My mom is good at the gaslighting (pretending that something didn't happen that clearly did), so that comment would be followed by, "You're so sensitive! No one hurt your feelings!" or something similar, but over the years, I've found that I really need to say something when someone says or does something hurtful or I go a little nuts.
It's hard for me to be vulnerable (e.g., admit my feelings) when someone has been mean, but I usually end up feeling stronger when I do.
I've always had a hard time with this. I thought it would get better as I got older, but people can still be cruel, even outside of High School, even family members. It's just impossible to ignore - even if it isn't meant to be cruel. Just keep telling yourself you are trying to get healthier - and it's for you.
Dealing with strangers or people I am not close with - I am as bold as their comments are. And put them right in their place! Maybe not the best reaction, but I just got to a point where I refused to be a quiet victim. To be clear, I dont engage the person in a verbal battle or call them names or speak negatively of them. I am not at all passive aggressive. I just matter of factly tell them that their comments are completely inappropriate, rude and hurtful. And that their must be something awfully wrong inside of them, that they feel the need to act out.
People that I am close with - it hasnt really happened. If it did, I would be as direct. And then ask them why they thought it was ok in our inter-personal relationship to speak down to me, clarify the negative talk ends or the relationship ends.
From your *DAD* - wow, I am so sorry . And at your age it is especially hard (you said prom so I presume high school). If you have a trusted adult or relative in your life, I would pull them aside privately and tell them the truth: that when your own father treats you with contempt due to weight related comments, it is devastating.
If you dont have anyone you can trust and you dont think talking to your Dad directly would help, just rely on friends and 3fc for support. And know most of all what I wish I knew in high school: it gets better. You get to live your own life in your own way soon, without people around to be negative.
After reading your email my first thought was this: when family (who are supposed to be your support system for Gods sake!) make hurtful comments, it's a reflection on THEM. The changes you are making in doing IP are ones that can bring out the worst in people, if for no other reason than you are improving your life; you are changing-and they are not. My therapist once told me that change is uncomfortable for those around us -they respond by being hurtful because it reflects back onto them; it brings attention back into their lap about those improvements that they might need to make for themselves. Of course this doesn't ease the hurt of the comments, which are inexcusable. This is difficult enough as it is, and this reader COMMENDS you for taking such positive steps for you, I haven't told any of my family that I'm on IP, because I know it would be met with resistance and resentment. You hang in there sister. Everyday you do get stronger.
My mom is good at the gaslighting (pretending that something didn't happen that clearly did), so that comment would be followed by, "You're so sensitive! No one hurt your feelings!" or something similar, but over the years, I've found that I really need to say something when someone says or does something hurtful or I go a little nuts.
It's hard for me to be vulnerable (e.g., admit my feelings) when someone has been mean, but I usually end up feeling stronger when I do.
Just my 2 cents.
I find it hard to be vulnerable, too, and it's because my Mom was like yours. She would say something cruel and then when you react with hurt feelings, say, "Don't be so sensitive!" Or she would apologize, "Oh, oh, Ok.....sorry" but with an exaggerated expression on her face to convey that CLEARLY it was me who was overreacting.
Growing up with that can make us very sensitive to any kind of remark, because it's all kind of crazy-making, isn't it? When someone says something hurtful, it's natural to feel hurt but when you are then shamed for feeling that way......well, it's all very confusing and hard to sort out.
So I think the best thing is to just understand that sometimes people couch cruelty behind the veil of "teasing", and that we can't control it when other people are cruel. The best we can do is call them out on their behavior, as a previous poster said....."Wow, that was mean" and then disregard the laughter and the backpedaling. That really is their problem, not yours.
I tend to be kind of a b**ch when it comes to strangers making comments - A couple of guys made some remarks about me as I was walking past and they caught me in the wrong mood so I turned to them and said, "Sorry boys commenting on how big I am does NOT make your dicks any bigger or you look any better."
I have also said to females that have made rude comments, "OMG does she look instantly more beautiful next to me after pointing out how fat I am or is that her ugliness I see seeping through?"
Obvoiusly you can't say that to your parents but I would say, "That may not fit me now but when it does 'watch out baby'!!!
familes can sometimes be the cruelest because they are the ones that are supposed to support you. When they say something negative automatically respond with something positive about yourself, even if you aren't feeling it, it will surprise you when you begin to feel that way no matter what.
I am so sorry. I have been there. My father would make comments like that all the time. He actually hinted towards my sister and I that doing drugs was a good way to lose weight!
It does hurt alot. I try to reassure myself that their opinion doesn't matter to me. That they are undeserving of my acknowledgment or tears. Easier said then done though
I think you could try being completely honest and say up front that those comments hurt alot. Maybe go to your mom and talk to her about it.
Sometimes people can just be stupid and not realize they are being hurtful even if it seems really obvious.
But if he is just a jerk, then I would remember the line that goes- I can lose weight but you will always be an moronic inconsiderate jerk! lol
Not that I would say that to your father. But knowing it helps
When people make rude comments towards me, I'm fairly up front with how I feel about it. I'll usually just say it, "That was rude" and cold shoulder them. Having said that, sometimes I'm a little more on-edge and sensitive some days than on other days, and when someone says something that I don't want to hear can really set me off. Even if it wasn't intentionally meant to be rude or thoughtless.
If someone says something like that to me, I will just throw it right back in their face with something else negative. If they don't like it, then they shouldn't have said anything to me in the first place. And yes, I have no problem with saying something back to a family member. I did it all the time, until now they've held it back. I am my mother's child after all, I learned from the best.
My mom once made a comment about a girl in my class and it has stayed with me all these years.. it was a simple " oh she is so thin - I bet her Mom just loves shopping for her" .. I felt like I was sucker punched.. the initial feeling has left but it created a divide that never was repaired even when I lost alot of weight at one time.. so I offer up the same advice that some have said just look at them and say wow that was cruel or I am a product of my environment but let's pray I don't grow up to be so rude.. sometimes putting it in there face politely or matter of factly will hopefully want them to create a more positive place for you... we all are created equal and parents sometimes forget to treat their children with the kindness they do to others.. stay strong and remember you have a family of support here to encourage you along the way!!
I tend to be kind of a b**ch when it comes to strangers making comments - A couple of guys made some remarks about me as I was walking past and they caught me in the wrong mood so I turned to them and said, "Sorry boys commenting on how big I am does NOT make your dicks any bigger or you look any better."
I have also said to females that have made rude comments, "OMG does she look instantly more beautiful next to me after pointing out how fat I am or is that her ugliness I see seeping through?"
wimp that I am, I'm sure I'd bungle saying either of those, but that's just too good (and well deserved). I would have paid money to see their faces.
how about: Dad, mom, you know, encouragement would work better than embarrassing me. You're the two people in this world I really count on to make me feel better about myself and support me. That remark really was uncalled for and hurtful.
If you say it, and even if they poo poo the response in any way, at least you get to feel like you expressed yourself to them directly, appropriately and truthfully.
I think that helps me with any negative comments about my weight or otherwise, from loved ones, unloved ones, or strangers: to respond in such a way that's appropriate and truthful that makes me feel like I took care of myself. Not that I'm always so quick on my feet(!) in every situation.
How do you deal with the negative comments/jokes?
. And at your age it is especially hard (you said prom so I presume high school). If you have a trusted adult or relative in your life, I would pull them aside privately and tell them the truth: that when your own father treats you with contempt due to weight related comments, it is devastating.
I am so sorry. I have been there. My father would make comments like that all the time. He actually hinted towards my sister and I that doing drugs was a good way to lose weight! 
