I've been thinking about this for a long time, and would like to get all you ladies thoughts and opinions on the subject.
Have you ever felt discriminated against because of your weight? How has it made you feel, and has it made you make a change or lash out in some way?
I have felt discriminated against by some men. Men that will not date me or look at me because I am not slim. I have dated men that have loved me for me and all my weight, and they have been great because they loved the person inside much more than the person outside. I have been on dates where the guy will tell me that I am too big for him and that they only like slim women. I have felt overlooked because of my weight various times throughout my life.
I have been called names based on my large breasts in junior high, and have been called 'fat' numerous times by family, and other people. I think that at some point, that word 'fat' becomes ingrained in my psyche. I always felt like once people start telling me enough that I'm fat, I tend to believe it and just eat to fulfill that thought. Sort of like a self-fulfilling prophesy. I have been angry at others for making me feel so belittled, and also hated myself for continuing to eat and fulfill that 'label' of being fat.
Now that I am losing weight, I am noticing these feelings coming to the surface, and thinking that perhaps I have held onto the weight so long because it made me feel secure, and I could hide behind it in some way. My mother used to call me 'fat', and even though she would tell me to lose weight, she would sabotage me by buying me chocolates and other fattening food. Now, that I am losing weight, I feel like I want to lose it for myself first and foremost, but to also show up other people that have been so mean and discriminatory to me during my life.
Does anyone else feel discriminated against in some way because of their weight? I also know that many guys talk about 'fat' people like they have no feelings or are all just lazy, fat pigs.
Just remember this quote "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Anytime you think about picking up food after a person says something- don't, cuz then they have beaten you. Tell yourself no one will beat you again!
That being said, YES, I have personally felt discriminated against because of weight, my family, coworkers, peers, friends, etc. And it was very hurtful to me. I'm learning to deal with my emotions rather than eat them away- it's a tough process, but I've learned so much about myself through all this and that's all that matters.
Funny, on my way home from my part time job today I was thinking about the last 2 days and how I was made to feel. I only work a few times a week during the school year...and several (most) of the woman are overweight. They all knew me when I was overweight, and seemed to like me when I was overweight. But they treat me VERY differently now. I guess you could say I feel discriminated against now that I'm a normal weight. Matter of fact I feel like a social outcast in my community sometimes...which is predominately overweight. But, when I was fat, the only person that I noticed who treated me like I wasn't as good as the rest of the world was ME.
These feelings have come to the surface for me too. I was looking back at pictures from my teenage years. I was called fat, told I needed to lose weight, didn't really date. The sad thing is though that I believed them. I never walked around with confidence because I never felt like I was good enough because I was bigger then other girls.
I look back and wonder why I have treated myself like that my whole life. Whether I am "fat" or not, I deserve to be confident. Yeah my self-esteem is in the toilet.
I'm still working on it, but it was a revelation to me that I have been the one believing everyone...never forming my own opinion of myself on my own. I just took what everyone else said and believed it.
Pinkhoodie: I can relate to going through that as well. I struggled with my self-esteem growing up, but was lucky to have many good people around me to love me unconditionally and boost my self-esteem.
beerab: you make some really good points. The signature is so true as well.
Lori Bell: Interesting how you are treated differently now that you have lost weight. Perhaps they can't relate to you now.
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I guess all of these issues are coming up lately because I went out with my father last night, and we talked about the past, and about what happened when my mom left him and it seems like I was led astray by my mom on some accounts. It is crazy sometimes what you believe as children. Children don't often have the capacity to question and figure things out for themselves until they get older.
I am not feeling sorry for myself on this thread, but I am looking back at why I have let myself be 'fat' for so long. Also why I emotional overate and struggled with my weight. This journey is certainly eye opening on many levels. I was curious if others felt picked on and discriminated against as well, and how have they dealt with this losing weight? I've read that often people keep 'fat' on as some sort of protection or hidden anger.
I've been holding on to this extra weight for too long. Time to get rid of it for myself, and flip the bird to the non-believers. Thanks for letting me vent, ladies!
I have had instances. I was out today with my sister-in-law. She is overweight not as overweight as myself. We went to a large wholesale store, I don't know if naming the store is allowed but when you go in you show them your card, there were two occasions that the employees seemed to talk down to me not in a hateful way but in a way that made me feel that they thought that I was not their peer. They both seemed to judge me as not as intelligent or maybe lazy. I will never know as I am not a mind reader but this is not the first instance that I have felt this way.
I agree with [B]beerab's [B] quote 100%, but it seems for me all the years of having the low self-esteem following through on not feeling inferior is a "tall" order but one that I don't see any way around if I am going to have any peace of mind.
Thanks for listening,
Bonnie
Last edited by bonnie2009; 09-21-2010 at 10:45 PM.
When I was in school I was one of the biggest female jocks in the place. Captain of the rugby team, and playing in a league, on the provincial team and a gym member. I also lived in a small community and all my friends lived a mile or two away so I would walk there and home almost 365 days a year.
Needless to say I was in terrific shape and my friends treated me like garbage for it. I was always told how 'lucky' I was that I never gained weight- how much of a bi*** I was. If I ever suggested we do something like heaven forbid Swimming I was scolded for being so arrogant. The guys treated me like trash and I had guys try to tear my clothes off more then once (lucky for me Tae-kwon-do was one of my favorite sports) I gave a few black eyes and bruised man-ness
by high school I would only wear baggy clothes and giant sweaters to hide my thinness. In senior year I was injured playing rugby and had trouble walking the rest of the year let alone all my sports. I gained 60Lbs in less then a year. Suddenly nobody picked on me anymore. Guys treated me as an equal not a meat-creature and girls weren't intimidated by me so they thought I was great!
The thing I'm most afraid of with loosing the weight is that my over weight friends will disown me and I wont be 'one of the guys' anymore.
How about this one........... I WORK at a fitness center..... I'm 36.... 5'5 and almost 250lbs....I look even bigger because of my massive chest I have to carry around like watermelons in my shirt... its hard to pass by unrecognized.... imagine the looks I get...... it hasn't really effected me until this past year..... and in this past year I have probably gained 15 pounds. It makes it really hard because look at where I am centered 8 hours a day, 5 days a week..... I have no excuse be be this big and I feel it... it shows on my face. *sigh*
I can't remember ever allowing someone to discriminate against me because of the width of my posterior. I have had countless people dislike me for being a b*tch though.
I hold no ill-will toward men who are disinterested in dating me because I'm fat--I tend to date men who are athletic, and a little pudgy at most. It's personal preference, and I won't be hypocritical about it.
Now that I'm somewhat closer to goal than not at goal, I have tended to notice that people are nicer to me. I have doors held open, checkout personal making conversations with me, allowing me to cut in line if I have just a few groceries, others making conversations with me in line at a coffee shop, a lot more then when I was 278 pounds. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks, but I really did what I think is start to notice this once I lost about 40-50 pounds.
^Interesting. I really do believe you! I was in the 130's twenty years ago, and I know it felt different. Has anyone ever seen the movie, "Shallow Hal," with gweneth paltrow who plays an obese woman? I loved that movie.
Thanks for sharing ladies! I can feel your pain, ladies. I think speaking about this very personal issue can be helpful on some level. It gives me at least a reason to say, enough feeling sorry about myself, and making excuses for being fat... it is time to just make a change for myself.
I know people can be mean, and kids can be so mean. I've seen it with my own eyes. There are many kinds of discrimination in this world based on race, sex, weight, etc..but really we are responsible for our own feelings and our own thinking about ourselves in the end. Best of luck, ladies! xx
Now that I'm somewhat closer to goal than not at goal, I have tended to notice that people are nicer to me. I have doors held open, checkout personal making conversations with me, allowing me to cut in line if I have just a few groceries, others making conversations with me in line at a coffee shop, a lot more then when I was 278 pounds. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks, but I really did what I think is start to notice this once I lost about 40-50 pounds.
I think it's really hard to separate people treating you differently b/c of weight loss and b/c of the changes in *you* -- I know that even though I'm not close to my goal, now that I've lost 30 pounds I'm more confident and tend to be more open to talking with strangers b/c I'm not so ashamed of how I look.
I think it's really hard to separate people treating you differently b/c of weight loss and b/c of the changes in *you* -- I know that even though I'm not close to my goal, now that I've lost 30 pounds I'm more confident and tend to be more open to talking with strangers b/c I'm not so ashamed of how I look.
I 2nd this. I'm much more likely to talk to someone who looks happy, energetic, or friendly then someone who looks depressed, tired or occupied. I come from a culture where the shopping line is where your new best friend is, and paying for gas can take about 20 minuets because of the conversations at the counter.
When I worked in a gas station I was about 200 Lbs and the other girl was about 103. I always had customers talking to me, lingering, telling me WAY too much information about their lives. The other girl only ever had people she knew spend any time at all talking to her. I was friendly- she was 'busy'.
I know 250 Lb girls who date 8 different guys a month and some 125 Lb girls who have only had 1-2 dates in their life.
I think the difference is the people who believe that mean things that are said about them. They start believing what they hear and feeling bad about themselves. They take themselves out of social situations, don't take the risks of meeting new people. It's really hard to like someone who doesn't like themselves, regardless of what they look like.
I did an experiment last week. I occasionally window shop in a clothing store whose largest sizes are 11-13(junior). some of the clothes are too young for me but some are just awesome and it's my motivation-to get my butt into some hip clothing. so I go there prob once a month in my normal mall stroll I have noticed the salesgirls(and I mean girls) never address me, never a hello, never a "can I help you find something", never....after all I could be shopping for a slender friend, daughter, niece so my cash is valuable in these horrible economic times especially for retail stores-right??? I went to the mall with my younger incredibly gorgeous friend from school-I went in 1st, she waited outside, out of sight, again I got the cold shoulder. left, returned 5 min later w her chatting & clearly a message that we came together and OMG...they were all over us-she & I were addressed by every single store employee that saw us as we "shopped" and walked thru the store. So...yes...it's sad but fat in discriminated against-I only wish I could had hidden video...
Fat Discrimination
Thanks for letting me vent, ladies!
