[ape85]

I was reading another post on here about online dating and it inspired me to give it a try. Im usually pretty shy and its torture for me but I dont know how to meet people. Anyway the morning after signing up for ok cupid i was sent a message from a cute guy in my town. I was so nervouse and took me all day but i finally responded. Now ive got another message from him in my in box that I should answer.
The problem is I rally think he is too cute for me. I like the profile pic i used but i feel like i dont really look like that. Im convinced it was a good angle/lighting. I am terrified to meet him because i think he will be dissapointed. Also i marked "average" as body type and now i feel like i should have put "could lose a few"
My sis and I were looking through profiles and i kept going "too cute, too cute" and moving on to the next. Promting my sister to ask "what? you dont like cute boys?"
I was having the same issues with a guy who was flirting with me at a bar a few weeks ago. I didnt want to contact him because I was convinced he was too cute and must of had too much to drink that night.
Sorry to be so ranty. I was trying to tell my sister all this today and she was looking at me like i was completly crazy. I just might be.

[brooksrm]

It sounds like you're not really deciding if he's too cute for you, but that you don't feel cute enough for them. For starters, you're cute and don't let anyone tell you different. And I know it's cliche, but guys should care about your personality and who you are as a person, too. Why not try letting them decide if they're attracted to you instead of taking that decision away from them? I mean.. unless you really don't like cute guys

[ShellydeFlores]

I totally know what you mean. If you don't mind I'd like to piggy back off your rant here and share with you a similar experience.

When I was in highschool I teeter backed about forth between 150-180. I dressed myself in tight clothes and did my hair and makeup like I was ready to go clubbing every day. I wanted to try to make myself look pretty even when I thought I was a fat cow. I never had the confidence that I should have (now that I look back at myself and go, biatch...you were beautiful!). Well one day when some friends and I piled out of the car and were walking up to another group of a friends, my buddy's close friend Efrain (beauuuuuutiful man) came up and they BS'd for awhile while I stood there listening. All of a sudden Efrain looked at me and I smiled..not thinking much about it. As he kept looking at me I began to realize that he was staring. He was STARING! At me! He was one of the most popular, beautiful, amazing boys in school! Well they finished talking and we went on our way. My friend, as we were walking away, said to me (and I quote) "Damn girl, he was checking you out hardcore!" For this friend to say this to me was a big deal because he was a huuuge player in highschool. Anyway, over the upcoming weeks Efrain would find ways to hang out with my group and purposely sit next to me at parties or in class. It really was exciting and scary for me! Every time I saw him though I clammed up and shyed away from him. I thought he was too attractive and too perfect for me. He eventually stopped trying to ask me out or find ways to talk to me. Fast forward a couple years.... I walked into a Wendy's wearing a oversized t-shirt and jeans, no makeup, my hair in a messy bun, 30lbs heavier and was sweating buckets (it's over 110F here in the Summer). Of all the places in the world this was the one place Efrain was hanging out with some friends. He came flying across the room like a vampire to come talk to me. We started talking and he bought me my lunch. He confessed that he had a HUGE crush on me in highschool and he wanted to see if I was interested in hanging out again. I said sure and gave him my number. He text me a few times but I always acted disinterested. He gave up again.

It took me several lonnnnng talks with girlfriends to find out why I did this to myself and to him. I didn't think I was good enough. I mean Efrain was a gooooorgeous light skinned El Salvadorian American who came from a good family, worked, kept in good health, didn't drink, didn't smoke, and was school and career minded. He was PERFECT and I turned him away! I never thought I was pretty enough. I had a voice in my head telling me everyday, "Why me? What does he see in me? He'll find someone prettier so why bother?" I just want to shoot myself in the foot now.

I guess the point of my story is that you will forever regret not taking that jump. For all you know, regardless of the situation (alcohol, good angle shots, etc...) these men could think you are the best thing in the world. Give in girl! You are gorgeous and any man wanting to talk to you is doing it because you are beautiful and strong. There's no other way we could get through the journey we are on without coming out strong girl. Allow someone to talk to you and get to know you. Trust your gut feeling and push yourself off the edge. Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to find something that makes us happy. I wish I could go with you for a girls night and be your wing-woman! My best advice is to just do it! Message him back. Let him ask you out. Go meet him. Laugh, drink, talk! You could really be missing out on GREAT times.

Oh and by the way- Efrain is now a clothing model, just finished his undergrad and is getting married in December! See what I missed out on? Don't let that be you girl!

Remeber that you are absolutely goreous. It's not the angle of the camera, it's not the lighting, it's not the alcohol....it IS YOU! Accept it!

[rschroed]

Another parable, although not quite as dire as the story of the freaking model that got away (!):

When I first started dating my current bf--who is my first serious, long-term boyfriend--I thought I was going to have to tranquilize myself in order to go over to his place and have dinner; one of our first days I *did* toss back a very healthy shot before I walked out the door (not driving, don't worry!), because I was shaking so badly. I was absolutely terrified of him. He was too *everything*--handsome, confident, funny, etc. I *knew* he'd figure out that I wasn't hot enough for him, quickly.

But that was the fat girl in my brain piloting my ship. You know? You have to get your self-image to catch up with your actual image. You're beautiful, smart, together, and absolutely as worthy as any other girl to date smart, handsome boys. You might have a heart attack getting to the point where you feel comfortable with one (I nearly did!)--but you *have* to put yourself out there to arrive at the place of knowing you can do it. And you can!

My bf and I have been together a year. Although I still think he's ridiculously good-looking (I may be a little biased), I no longer think what I (insanely) used to--that people would see us together and think "What is HE doing with HER?" Nope, we're just two normal-to-good-looking-ish people, hanging out, like regular people are totally allowed to, and which only girls who spend years with terrible self-esteem problems (like most of us around here!) doubt for a second.

Go for it! And if he's lame--boring, awkward, someone your friends or sister would hate, or a jerk--then go for it with someone else! This is totally your next step. I'm so excited for you!

[nancymae]

Hey ape85. You are an interesting articulate and intelligent woman, I could tell all that from one post! Any guy would be lucky that you allow him the have coffee with you!

Before I got married my philosophy was too meet and get to know as many men as possible. I don't mean this in a trampy way but I dated all sorts of men. Once I got a feel for the whole dating thing I learned pretty quickly to throw the ones' that are not worthy of me back into the "pool"!

[paris81]

He emailed you because he wants to get to know you better. He saw your picture, but not just that, he also read what you wrote in your profile--if he didn't like both aspects, he wouldn't have sent you a message.

It's not like you contacted him and he's just being polite--he contacted you! I say go for it, and fake it 'till you make it!

[flythinlyns]

ape85, I read your post and wanted to cry!!!! I know exactly how you feel.

But, that said, you are such a cutie and have great hair so no wonder cute boys are interested in you.

Everyone has given you such great advice that there is not too much more I can add to it. Other than to say I am a seasoned dater, both when I've been thinner and fatter, and please trust me when I say, guys (especially the good ones) tend to be a lot more accepting of our curves than we are.

And remember cute guys are people too, so put that poor guy out of his misery and answer him, already!!!

[ape85]

Thanks everyone for the nice words. Iam feeling much better tonight. I'm really tired of just being afraid of everything. It was no way to live a life. I have really been making an effort to push through the anxieties and insecurities. This has probably been my biggest step so far. I did write him back. I spent an hour chatting with him on facebook tonight. I think looking at my facebook profile he can get a better idea of who iam so that helped. So i guess we will see how it goes.