[stick2itgrl]

Ok, I'm fat... Why can't my husband just tell me so?? I've asked him to tell me what he thinks about my weight. Ask him to be honest and tell him if he thinks I'm too fat it will help motivate me to change. All I get is "If you think you would feel better if you lost weight, then do it". I know this puts him in a "tricky" situation, but come on... I've gained 60lbs... it's pretty obvious!!!! How do you others get an honest answer and does it help to motivate you?
Thanks

[mortonpixie]

Hmmm.

If you are trying to get someone to shame you into losing weight, then you might look at your motives a little closer.

Anyone who loves you and is close to you has seen you put on these pounds gradually. It's not as noticeable to them as you might think.

Ultimately, you need to do this for yourself. To be healthy, to be less prone to disease, to live a happy and productive life. Looking good and wearing a single digit sized dress should be a side effect of what you're doing (IMHO) not the reason for it.

[justjill124]

Trust me you don't want him to say you're fat. I dated a guy who tried to control everything I ate and made me feel like crap about myself. Your husband just wants to be supportive but he obviously loves at any size. Don't be upset with him. =)

[caryesings]

I think his answer is perfect.

[getittogether]

Don't do that to your hubby. He is trying to be sweet. But I bet if you start losing and getting healthy you will hear him say how great you look and this will be way better for your relationship. Remember you have to want to change. No one can do this for you. Dig deep and get started on your journey. My husband has always loved me. Skinny, fat, prego, dark hair light hair. But now he is so proud of me and that is a wonderful feeling.

[stick2itgrl]

Maybe so. Thanks for the different perspectives

[applelady]

I first had to motivate myself. I woke up and just realized my health was getting terrible, I never felt good and I sure didn't like the person I saw in pics of myself. My hubby always responded similar to yours.

I'm down about 17 pounds and the past few weeks I have found a new motivation. My husband is aways bragging on me and flirting with me. I'm sure it is part that I look better but I think my increased energy and attitude is part of it as well.

He told me a couple of nights ago that he really paid no attention to the weight I had gained over the years until he realized how much I was losing. Now if I can motivate him to get more healthy. :-)

[kaplods]

Originally Posted by stick2itgrl

Ok, I'm fat... Why can't my husband just tell me so?? I've asked him to tell me what he thinks about my weight. Ask him to be honest and tell him if he thinks I'm too fat it will help motivate me to change. All I get is "If you think you would feel better if you lost weight, then do it". I know this puts him in a "tricky" situation, but come on... I've gained 60lbs... it's pretty obvious!!!! How do you others get an honest answer and does it help to motivate you?
Thanks

Why do you need him to tell you what you already know in order to motivate you?

If it's so obvious, then you already know the answer and deciding that you need his "honesty" to motivate you is just an excuse and a way to blame him for your inaction.

You only need an honest answer when you don't know the facts - and you clearly do, so "needing an honest answer" is about making him responsible for your weight loss, not you.

My hubby is never going to tell me I "need" to lose weight, because he will love me at any weight (married each other at our highest weights). We met at nearly our highest weights and dating put on a few pounds.

We're both down about 80 to 85 pound loss each, and none of that weight loss for either of us came at the urging or commentary from the other.

Frankly my husband telling me I'm fat isn't going to motivate me, and I'm not going to ask him to do that. I don't need an "honest answer" to questions I already know the answer to.

I'm not saying I've never made the mistake of thinking I do, but it was an error in my thinking not a need for an "honest answer," a case in point - not long ago...

Hubby and I had been running errands on a hot and muggy day and I realized that my deodorant was failing. I could smell me, but I didn't know if anyone else could, so I asked my husband if I was stinky. We were in the check out line so there were a lot of people around. I had whispered it, and I wanted an "honest answer" and he looked like a deer in the headlights and refused to answer me.

That gave me my honest answer, so I dropped it. When we got in the car, hubby threw a tantrum because I had put him on the spot. I apologized telling him I really did just want an honest answer, and he said "and how could I say "yes, you are starting to smell a little, without hurting your feelings?"

It wouldn't have hurt my feelings, because I am not the kind of woman who asks "does this make me look fat," and then gets angry regardless of the answer (because if he says "no" he's obviously lying and if he says "yes" he's the biggest A-hole on the planet).

Your husband is giving you an honest answer, it's just not the one you think you want (and believe me you do not want the one you think you want. I've never met anyone who liked or was helped by that kind of honesty).

I know my husband would love me at any weight. I would love him at any weight. Not every couple can say that, and I wouldn't expect them to. But knowing that my husband would love me just as much at 394, doesn't mean I want to go back there, and I'm sure he feels the same way. We're getting healthier for each other as much as for ourselves, but not because we're pushing each other into it with commentary on how fat we are. We're not idiots, and we can use a mirror and a scale just as well as the next person. What can "you're fat" bring to the table that the mirror and scale doesn't?

Don't use your husband's loving acceptance as a scapegoat for your lack of motivation. Lose weight or don't, but do it for you and what it will help you bring to the marriage, not because your husband doesn't hate your extra weight (or refuses to say so because he's a gentleman).

[guamvixen]

I always used to ask my ex husband if he thought i was fat. It's as though I was searching for some sort of release or hope that maybe, just maybe he didn't see me as everyone else did. During one of our ugliest fights, he finally told me I was fat. I remember thinking to myself "gosh, i asked him for so long, and he lied to me for so long, but i've finally pushed him over the edge and this feels horrible!" Truth is, hearing it from him, was the worst person I could have heard it from. Needless to say, the fight wasn't about my weight, we just became strangers. Anyway, go with your instinct. If YOU think its TIME to lose the weight, have at it. Don't wait for your partner to do that, they are supposed to support you, and pick up the pieces when you need it.

[Jldsgirl]

Something else to ponder..When I initially lost weight a few years ago, My husband told me that during the time i was bigger, that he simply didnt notice that I had gotten so big. He said that it is only in pictures that he really noticed my weight...

[julie99s]

I would cry if my DH ever told me I was fat.

I am doing this for myself, not him, not the kids. It doesn't matter if any of them think I'm fat.