Trying to make people understand you're new habits
So of course I still weigh and measure EVERYTHING and will do so for the rest of my life. Fortunately my DH completely get this and is on board with my maintenance plan. But my mom was over for breakfast and she saw me measuring my coffee creamer and she's like "you're measuring that now!?" and I said, "yeah, you'd be suprised how fast it adds up." and she just looked at me like I was completely obsessed and over board. This coming from the women who is your definition of a yo yo dieter and done every fad diet known to man. I mean shouldn't she know better? Being a yo yo dieter shouldn't she know that it doesn't stop when the "diet" is over? Aparently not, otherwise I guess she wouldn't be a yo yo dieter. I get some flack at work to because I still skip the birthday cake and pizza when we get it occasionally and I just find it ridiculous that I have to defend my choices. I guess I just need to stop giving a $h*t what other people think. How do you guys deal with this?
Don't you worry about a thing--not one comment, not one look, not one whatever. You are doing this for YOU. YOU are what comes first--not someone's opinion of you. You have nothing to explain.
You can't MAKE anyone understand anything. You can explain your reasoning (if you want to), but everyone has different sets of standards when it comes to what is reasonable behavior and what isn't?
I think people often don't understand many areas of our lives, and on those topics we often don't think anything of it.
People say all sorts of things in that I-can't-believe-you-do-things-differently-than-I-do voice.
"You let your kids....."
"You spend your money on....."
"You dont......."
"You do....."
"You like....."
"You don't like...."
There are just some topics we tend to be more sensitive about (and I think we're "taught" by our culture which topics those are supposed to be, and weight is one of them).
Most of us have quirks that we know people think are weird and we don't really care. In fact, we may even laugh right along with our friends as they tease us about them.
We also have beliefs that we know most other people don't share, over which we don't take the disagreement, personally. We may be comfortable enough to talk about what we believe and why - or we may just keep our disagreement to ourselves, and let it go.
Think of what those things are for you. Write down all of the things you believe or care about that many (or at least some) other people don't. Now put a check mark next to all of those that you feel negative about (those you want people to agree with you or those you feel bad about if someone disagrees with).
If you've checked them all, you're giving people WAY too much power over your life.
Of those you've checked, WHY does it bother you when people disagree. If you can't explain why, it may just be "society says so," and you can try to unlearn that uncomfortable feeling. If you can explain why, you still have to decide whether it's really important to you, that you be the one to explain it to them (and even then you still have to understand that not everyone is going to be persuaded to your side).
I have a lot of beliefs that don't mesh with society's "normal," if I got worked up over all of them, I'd drive myself batty. I do have a few that I want to convince the world of, but they're the ones I'm so confident in that I never feel uncomfortable when people disagree - I welcome it so I can try to persuade them to my point of view (I can get frustrated if it doesn't work, but usually I just move on, realizing I can't convert the world to my point of view, and that the other person may be just as committed to their view as I am to mine).
Don't you worry about a thing--not one comment, not one look, not one whatever. You are doing this for YOU. YOU are what comes first--not someone's opinion of you. You have nothing to explain.
I completely agree. You don't owe an explanation of your choices to anyone and it probably would be futile anyway. It's sad, but you'll find people both in real life and online who will attack your maintenance plan as being extreme, obsessed, disordered -- you name it. When it happens, tell yourself that what they're saying is about THEM, not you. It's about their issues with food and their weight, not yours. Put your fingers in your ears, smile, and keep doing what you're doing!
Thanks guys, I have been feeling a little attacked lately as being a little extreme or obsessed, but I'm sorry if this is what it takes to not regain then so be it. I refuse to be a regain statistic and I don't care what it takes! Not to mention I love my new life and my new habits and it's not an inconvenience to me and it's worth!
Thanks guys, I have been feeling a little attacked lately as being a little extreme or obsessed, but I'm sorry if this is what it takes to not regain then so be it. I refuse to be a regain statistic and I don't care what it takes! Not to mention I love my new life and my new habits and it's not an inconvenience to me and it's worth!
I would probably just try to smile politely and then go on about your business. It's always kind of amazing to me that the people who are most critical (hello, mom!?) are often the people who also have not successfully lost weight. I don't think you'd see any of our successful maintainers criticizing you for measuring your creamer or logging your food. But for someone who has never been able to keep weight off, it might indeed look like an "obsessive" habit, because they haven't yet come around to realizing that maintenance looks a whole lot like losing weight!
You're doing well. And I have to say, I am finding all your posts about adjusting to your new goal-shaped body very interesting! It gives me the heads-up as to the types of things I can expect to encounter when I finally reach goal!
I forget who I should give credit to here at 3FC. One of the posters once wrote here, "I don't eat like everyone else because I don't want to LOOK like everyone else."
While I don't know that I would say it aloud--thinking this quietly to yourself may get your through some of these things.
I forget who I should give credit to here at 3FC. One of the posters once wrote here, "I don't eat like everyone else because I don't want to LOOK like everyone else."
While I don't know that I would say it aloud--thinking this quietly to yourself may get your through some of these things.
This is a really good reminder--very simple and yet very true! I'm going to remember this the next time someone asks me why I'm not having a donut at work. (I won't say it out loud, I'll just think it to myself, )
I understand. I cut way back on my drinking recently to help with weight loss and got a lot of flack. People are fine with it now, but I think when you do something that makes other people reflect on their poor habits, they get disturbed about it, but don't really know why, so they pick at you.
As for pizza and birthday cake, I used to be a vegetarian, and I found that saying "I don't like meat" (or cake, or pizza) was more effective than saying "i don't eat that" because it has a value attached to it which makes people antsy. Of course not eating cake and pizza is a value thing because we are doing it so we can be healthier. But saying you just don't like cake (there are people who don't like cake, I swear) people can't really argue with that. They will more likely say "wow, I wish I didn't like cake!" Also if you say those words out loud enough, your stomach will start to believe them!
I used to drive myself nuts trying to make people understand. It's mostly pretty easy to brush off, save for a couple of comments (usually hounding me to "live a little" when out at a restaurant and I'm evaluating a menu).
I have learned to accept that whenever I start a new job, there will be those that HAVE to comment on my healthy lunches. If people get downright rude I will throw a comment back, but mostly it's just lack of understanding. It is what it is, and a relatively small trade-off for finally "getting it".
Don't you worry about a thing--not one comment, not one look, not one whatever. You are doing this for YOU. YOU are what comes first--not someone's opinion of you. You have nothing to explain.
Close family and friends who spend lots of time with you just get over it with time. It stops being new and becomes boring and usual so they no longer comment or notice.
I don't know it this strategy will help you, but I'll give the one word answer to strangers/acquaintances. Depending on my mood or the person, for me it's "Cholesterol" or "Diabetes."
In real life it is high triglycerides and insulin resistance as related to PCOS, but most people don't know what all that is or involves, and I don't feel like sharing. But "Cholesterol" and "Diabetes" are well known enough to sound "Boring." So the response is usually "Oh." and they move on. Which is fine with me!
Why is it any more obsessive to measure the cream than the coffee you used to brew a pot? Wouldn't you measure the flour when making bread?
Why is eating pepperoni pizza normal and not eating pepperoni pizza not normal? What about if you kept kosher?
I'm not suggesting you try to convince your Mom or co-workers of the above - just yourself . . . that once you've better internalized your normal, other folks won't question it as much.
Trying to make people understand you're new habits
You don't owe an explanation of your choices to anyone and it probably would be futile anyway. It's sad, but you'll find people both in real life and online who will attack your maintenance plan as being extreme, obsessed, disordered -- you name it. When it happens, tell yourself that what they're saying is about THEM, not you. It's about their issues with food and their weight, not yours. Put your fingers in your ears, smile, and keep doing what you're doing!
