I am 39 and have been batteling weight my whole life, going up and down like a yoyo. I am currently 309 lbs. and have absolutely no energy. I have been approved and have a date scheduled for the RNY (bypass). I am scared and undecided now that the time is approaching. Everybody is telling me how stupid I am and how it's not worth it. My husband especially doesn't want me to have it done. I want to be able to go and enjoy vacations without being out of breath after a 5 min. walk, I want to be healthy and keep up with my kids and grandkids (when I have grandkids) etc. I feel like I am missing out in life. Please give advice! I would like to chat or get e-mails from people who have had it done recently.
I did not have the RNY - I had the DS - but regardless of procedure, I will say two things:
You have to be SURE you want to do this because it is a lifelong commitment to your health after the surgery.
You have to do this for YOU.
Additionally, I will suggest you research ALL surgical options because sometimes the problem is that the procedure you're set to have is not the right one for you and your lifestyle. Education and information is your best tool in all of this. When I told my mother I wanted to have surgery, she was SO scared for me, but the more I talked about it, it was crystal clear to her that I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, what my life would be like post-op, what my motivations were, that I knew it wouldn't be easy, what the specific risks were...as a mother, she was still nervous for me, but she realized I had done an insane amount of research and was beyond ready for this.
I agree with Jilly, this is something you need to do for YOU! It sounds like they all love you so very much and only want whats best, but at the same time they need to be educated on the surgery and they need to be educated on what its like to miss out on life... I believe their negativity is just fear... and that is completely normal.
Hi sweetie! hmmm. first, let me say that EVERYONE wonders if they're doing the right thing as the surgery date approaches [when are you scheduled, by the way?]. As Leenie and Jilly said, make sure you research so that you understand what you're getting yourself into.
ok. having said that - who are these people who are saying that the surgery isn't worth it? have any of them been overweight? had the surgery? i'm sure they do indeed have your interests at heart, but they can't possibly understand this decision. DO NOT argue with them - it's only a waste of energy. YOUR energy.
Surgery/not surgery is YOUR decision FOR YOU. but the next thing is that you'll have to change your relationship with food [we ALL have to do that], and sometimes that also ends up changing relationships with people - especially those closest to us. you, your hubby, the children, everyone, will need to be honest with each other while these changes are going on.
IT'S NOT EASY - but let's face it - your relationship with food isn't really working for you, is it? and people who've lost and maintained large amounts of weight have also faced these issues - but with the surgery, the changes start IMMEDIATELY rather happening slowly. can be quite a shock!
Just want to back up what was said....the more you know, the less you'll fear the future. Get counseling, read everything you can about each of the surgeries...good and bad, be proactive so you don't feel like a victim....surgery doesn't happen to you, you have to work it! You still have to diet, you still have to exercise, you throw up if you eat too fast, or too much, or the wrong thing. With RNY, there may be a thing called "dumping" that isn't there in some of the other surgeries. I called it my kick in the pants to make better choices. I was so addicted to bread and sugar, I needed the kick!
Relationships change...I have lost friends over having surgery. But my True friends and those that love me wanted what was best for me. I had to prove to them that WLS was what I decided was best for me, they were worried, but it had to be my decision in the end.
Now with that all said, I have to say that I would take all the negatives, all the hard work I have done, all the hardships and do it 1000 times over to get what I have now...Health and a happiness that only comes from taking my life back from excess food!
Hugs for you my friend, don't let anyone stand in the way of a hopeful future.
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 07-18-2010 at 07:25 PM.
I only had one person tell me not to have the surgery, I never let their opinions matter to me. I researched and researched until I knew as much as possible about my surgery and what would come after. Whenever they were negative I just smiled and affirmed that this is what I wanted. As for your husband, I suggest you go to some sort of couples counseling specifically to discuss having the surgery. There has to be some underlying reason for your husband to be so opposed. Also have him sit and talk about his concerns with your doctor. some people are under the impression that this surgery is really dangerous and your chances of dying jump dramatically. Take him to a seminar where they talk about all of these statistics, including your chance of death if you stay at your current weight. My husband went to all my appointments with me and was just as informed as I was. I think this made a difference for him.
I can't imagine going through all this with no support system, so I hope you get this all sorted out .
Undecided and confused
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