Some of you may have read my thread where I was upset when someone praised a co-worker for losing ten pounds... and acted as if her ten pounds and my almost 100 pounds were an equal accomplishment...
A lot of you gave me some very insightful answers...
So, this morning, I was sitting at breakfast leafing through the Junonia catalog-- I saw some nice UV protective sweatshirts and checked the size chart- I'm below their 1X but could still where their XL....but I had also admired the same type of sweatshirt in a non-plus size catalogue... that got me thinking about a very thin, very fit runner I know who always wears those UV protectors in the summer.... and I started thinking about how everyone thought she was so pretty and how I used to get kind of jealous of her sometimes, which led me to thinking about how I could "fit" into the sweatshirt, but I still wouldn't look like my beautiful and skinny runner friend.
And that's when I had this insight. I realized that I have this underlying logic operating: I admire thin people, many people admire thin people. I want to be admired, therefore I want to be thin....
And it just hit me-- of all of the incredibly dumb reasons to want to be thin, wanting people to admire me has got to be one of the dumbest!!!!!!!!
Because nobody is going to admire me for being ordinary (aka normal body weight). And what's more, I've found throughout life that going after goals in the hopes of being admired is pretty much a recipe for disaster, because the kinds of things that people truly admire-- honesty, kindness, dedication, perseverance, are not to be found in achievements. Sure, you might "impress" people from time to time, but impressing people briefly is not a way to find happiness or self-fulfillment.
And, let's face it, in addition to all of the personal benefits of weight loss, and they have been MANY!!! I've also garnered a lot of praise, attention, and yes, admiration from people around me, and now that I'm starting to get "normal" and people are forgetting what I used to look like, that praise is starting to fade.
Now, I KNOW that many people on this board are probably a lot more grounded than me and won't really relate to this-- I came to obesity from the eating disordered side of things-- which I really think has its own set of problems wrapped up in it...
But, I just want to thank everyone here at 3FC. I'm going to really focus on the positive health aspects and life aspects and make sure that I really don't become too dependent on attention, because if I do, I'm afraid I will have a hard time when I get to goal and try to start living maintenance.
Heh, if it makes you feel a little better, the "ohmygod, how did you do it?!?!" persists through at least the first 1-2 years of maintenance. For me, it lasted until I moved out of the state!
I think health is admirable, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a little vanity - you are doing something difficult, rare and amazing. Don't sell that short.
I think health is admirable, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a little vanity - you are doing something difficult, rare and amazing. Don't sell that short.
I second this. U've done such an amazing job and it is definitely hard to accomplish what u have done so far and what u will be continuing to do. PLus all the compliments and praise keep u going and makes u want to work harder at attaining your goal. I know it definitely does for me .
I love the revelation you shared. Made me think about what I'm truly doing this for too. I say it's for health but is it really...I am happy I clicked on this link I think it's something I needed to read. Thanks!
And it just hit me-- of all of the incredibly dumb reasons to want to be thin, wanting people to admire me has got to be one of the dumbest!!!!!!!!
ha! seems to me that it's pretty normal and totally woman-esque (at the risk of being sexist) to want to be "admired" for your looks. for me, it gets a little tricky when it gets too important and too linked to size/weight. I come from a compulsive overeating place, btw.
I'm another person that feels more driven by the health side of it, especially as I get older. that doesn't mean I don't care about my looks. but, man, I have to say, being able to do physical things, biking, hiking, walking, whatever, will far outweigh (heh heh) any comments on my appearance
ha! seems to me that it's pretty normal and totally woman-esque (at the risk of being sexist) to want to be "admired" for your looks. for me, it gets a little tricky when it gets too important and too linked to size/weight. I come from a compulsive overeating place, btw.
I mean, I think wanting to be admired for how you look is normal, if it's within the context of "look your best..."
But I think some of us disordered eaters maybe take that a step further and want to be admired for our looks the way Scarlett Johansen is admired for her looks... most people are inherently attractive if they take good care of themselves. But some people are just stunners and stunners are born, not made....
Where I think some of us get into trouble is in thinking at we can remake our averageness into stunningness with enough hard work....
I don't really think that, but I think I DID think that when I was younger.
A new day, a new insight...
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