Why does practically every thin woman I've ever met feel the need to announce their need to lose weight in my presence? Is it just something conditioned into us by society? Is a healthy weight just not thin enough by our own personal standards? Do they have reason to feel more comfortable making such an announcement around someone my size? Are they trying to show sympathy for my position or do they just feel the womanly need to share their own insecurities?
DB and I spent several days at his mother's house this past week since the extended family was in town. It's always a little stressful for me as it is since the majority of the conversations are in Spanish and I'm at the beginning of learning it myself. Plus the meals can be a little difficult, a lot of meat-based dishes are served and I don't care for much beyond chicken. His mom does take steps to cater a little something more healthy and to my liking, and sometimes we even bring my own food to prepare, but it always makes me feel finicky.
I try not to worry about it though.
One of his cousins, about my age (early-mid 30's), approached me out of nowhere and told me that she'd heard I was doing the same thing she was doing. Uh . . . ? She went on to explain about the whole healthy eating thing and I was like, "Oh!"
I honestly hadn't known my eating habits had been a topic of conversation with them.
Our conversation was nice at first, I don't know her very well so it gave us a connection and something new to talk about. I'm sure she was only trying to be friendly, but after a while it felt as though she was giving me the third degree over what I was and wasn't doing. Over the course of the conversation I eventually explained that I mostly eat whole foods, avoid simple carbs as much as possible, and that I was getting exercise at the local Y, and she quickly agreed she was doing something similar and added details of her habits. And what should have been a fun, informative conversation about sharing menus and ideas turned into something more disappointing.
Looking at me and having that conversation, it's pretty obvious that I want to lose weight; I'm a big girl yet. In fact, she's seen me 35 pounds heavier than I am now . . . all of the family has actually, but none of them have noticed enough to say anything. Which is just as well I guess; I can barely notice myself (although I do notice a major difference in the past 70 pounds or so).
But it can get a little frustrating and awkward.
So his cousin starts lecturing me about the importance of losing weight, and how proud she is to have lost 5 pounds in the past few months. And to me of course, she has a perfect-looking figure that I'd just die to have myself. I told her it was great, especially since I knew how hard it can be to lose weight from personal experience, and added that I've lost 35 since I decided to start eating healthier again. And instead of getting a compliment returned (not that I feel I was even fishing for one), she looked me up and down and quipped, "Well, it's a lot harder for someone my size to lose weight." After hearing that I didn't have the heart to tell her how I've been struggling the past few months to lose anything or that I've lost 110 total. And moments later DB's sister walks by (only having heard the tail end of the conversation) and giggles with, "Well, I only weigh 110 and even I need to lose some pounds!" I'm sure she was trying to come off as sympathetic, but I had almost blurted out how I'd lost just as much as she weighs! DB's other sister wasn't blessed with a thin figure like that and I've never heard her say anything once about eating healthy or weight issues or the like . . . I get the impression that like me, she's uncomfortable with having the subject brought up. And even though I know better, it made me feel like the 35 I've recently lost apparently doesn't hold a candle to the 5 she's struggled to lose. Now I'm not putting down the 5 pounds she's lost, but I really don't think it was fair of her to make a comparison like that.
I sorta get the impression that the thinner you are, the more acceptable it is to talk about weight loss issues. Which seems kinda ironic. I think I'd rather not talk about it around family, period . . . it just feels awkward and makes me feel like I'm on the spot. Am I the only one who feels like this?
Weight Loss Awkwardness Around Thinner People
