You know I'm pretty tolerant, but I have a couple of co-workers who used to be skinnier than me, but now are fatter than me. One is trying to lose weight by limiting carbs. She told me once in the past that she wanted to get a lap-band, and I was surprised because she does not look morbidly obese-- she's about my height, and I think she probably weighs 220-230.... she told me that she did have 100 lbs to lose, but I was figuring that was 100 lbs down to some idealized low weight-- not 100 lbs from the high end of normal.
Long story short-- she started talking about it again yesterday, and the other co-worker said "you don't look heavy enough for lap-band" and she said, "well, I crave carbs, and so I think it would be easier for me to gain fifty pounds to get the lap-band, than to lose fifty to get to normal." Her reasoning is "because now at her age the weight just won't come off..."
I really didn't say much-- but we are the same age and the same height and she is not as heavy as I was... I wanted to say EXERCISE and CONTROL WHAT YOU EAT and you will lose weight.
But, I guess it was none of my business so I kept my mouth shut.
Wow, what can you say? I hope that was just frustration talking, for all the obvious reasons, but gaining so much weight, just to be able to go through surgery? Craziness.
That is very sad. I still can't get over people asking me about my loss, and expecting a secret answer or magic solution, and seem disappointed when I mention it has been consistency with healthy eating and exercise, but to intentionally think of putting on weight to have another option to lose weight is mind-boggling.
That is just depressing. Easier to gain 50 pounds and have 100 to lose, than to lose 50 in the first place? Are people aware that Lap-Band isn't a magical answer? I have a good friend who lost 20 pounds after being banded, and it stopped there. She didn't have the control to be able to do it.
Now, 3 years later... she is down 75 pounds, but that's through honest hard work. Realizing that there was no easy answer.
My cousin told me he was considering doing the same thing. He had some compelling reasons, even though I thoroughly disagree, I understand why he is considering it.
He weighs about 250 (same as my highest) and his insurance won't cover it unless he is at least 280, unless he has additional complications
He DOES have those additional complications, namely diabetes, but the insurance STILL won't cover it, because, well, insurance companies suck I guess
He also has fairly severe depression and OCD, and has tried and failed a number of times to start an exercise plan that by now it has become a self fulfilling prophecy. My aunt/his mom has the same issues and is useless, and his dad has tried and failed to motivate him to the point where they can't talk about it without getting into a fight.
Not to mention, my uncle had a gastric bypass done and has done very well. He lost a ton of weight, and corrected his sleep breathing issues. I don't know what he looked like at his lowest weight, but I know he has regained only a modest amount and now sits comfortably at probably the middle of "overweight".
So those are his reasons. They are VERY compelling, for someone in his situation.
Ugh, Tarisa, your cousin sounds like my husband!! Severe OCD (emphasis on the obsessive part), diabetes, major depression...he was on suicide watch in the Fall. I am a bit manipulative. I try to use my power for good. I suggested he try to become a personal trainer. My reasoning was that it would motivate him to get to the gym. I was so right! He IS starting down the road of becoming a personal trainer and you can see his stats in my signature. He is truly a changed man today.
Uber, I can't believe anyone in their right mind would GAIN weight on purpose. And to do so WITH diabetes! Oh my! I never would have thought of it, not in a million years. I was devastated when I realized I had 100 lbs to lose and could be a candidate for surgery! (I never looked into it...maybe I only had 90 to lose in their eyes, but it's darn close enough!!)
Wow! I wish people would realize that the "surgery" is not an easy way out! It has got to be VERY HARD...besides that fact that your body is cut open and it is SURGERY! Yikes! Easier to gain 50 pounds and then have the surgery. Wow, and you kept quiet? I probably would have too or rather I hope I would have too
What makes me shake my head is that she already "craves carbs" as she put it. WLS will make her SO much less carb tolerant -- sounds like she's likely to be one of those folks who make themselves sick by continuing their current eating patterns after WLS.
Her reasoning is whacky, but I understand the desperation. I'm 44 years old, have a bachelor's and master's degree in psychology (yeah, I wanted to help people, but my real motive was to figure myself out) and have been dieting since I was five. I've dieted desperately more often than reasonably all that time, until very recently. Even when I knew crash diets were unhealthy and ineffective, I had a hard time dieting any other way.
The crazy ways to lose weight don't seem crazy when you're desperate - and "easy" doesn't really enter the picture nearly as much as "fast" does. It's not nearly as crazy as it seems, because it's the way we're taught to want weight loss. You don't see "slow and reasonable" weight loss plans in the magazine headlines. Only "Lose 20 lbs in 3 weeks," makes the cut. Even the most reasonable, healthy plans have a "quick start" component to their plan (with all sorts of rationalizations for the quick phase, but I sincerely believe the real reason is that people won't follow a diet that doesn't have one).
It's taken me nearly 40 years to find a plan that I can stick with (and even then I'm a person who slips a lot). It's still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that a diet plan I dismissed all these years as extreme and unhealthy is the only one that I have had success with (low carb, I tried low carb diets in the past, but never for more than a couple weeks because I'd "come to my senses" and abandon the diet because I thought I knew that it was so unhealthy).
People have crazy ideas about weight loss, because the've not been taught better. Our society has very few "reasonable" beliefs about weight loss, and the taboos and myths are everywhere. You have to "unlearn" most of what you've ever seen, heard, read and thought about weight loss to succeed.
Probably the biggest disservice we give each other is the fact that discussing weight loss is so taboo. Breaking the taboo doesn't work very well in the "real world," because the discussions are rarely welcome. People feel judged and injured when criticised about weight loss (even gently). Even a "generic" discussion about weight loss can backfire in the real world (even occasionally here).
I think the more places like 3FC and the more the "real world" becomes like 3FC, the better the state of weight loss will be. Open discussions and encouragement for rational thought/behavior and gentle discouragement from the irrational and dangerous, models for success and support for less-than-perfect success (only giving up is failure)... if those things were more available I think we'd see a decline of the obesity "epidemic."
Whenever anyone brings up weight loss around me, even if I'm just "overhearing" their conversation, I mention this website (I've even written down the website and given them a slip of paper and just smiled as friendly as I could and said "if you're interested in weight loss, you'll love this site. It's helped me lose 80 lbs so far."
I never used to mention my weight loss, but I saw people's eyes glaze over or they'd get clearly offended that I butted in, but since I've started mentioning my weight loss I've never had anyone seem disinterested.
I like talking about weight loss, even with perfect strangers (actually strangers are more fun than family because family wants to tell me what I'm doing wrong, where strangers tend to be less judgemental - and if they aren't they're easier to dismiss than people I care deeply about).
I do understand her desperation -- really, I do -- but I was even more desperate to avoid surgery, if I could. I don't have a problem when other people who want and need to lose a lot of weight choose to go the WLS route, but the idea of digging myself into an even deeper hole (not that *I* would've had that problem at 375) to then have to go through the whole intense, painful, potentially dangerous, and certainly life-altering process of surgery just honestly freaks me out.
Well, let me just say that I FULLY understand what it feels like to be desperate.... so much so that I went through the entire process of being approved for a lap-band and actually scheduled the surgery, but was declined ONE DAY before I was scheduled to go in. I was actually in the middle of the pre-surgical fast.
Looking back, I feel like I was sleepwalking through my life. Somewhere, deep down, I "knew" it was a mistake.
Get this-- I had already imagined strategies I was afraid I might use to "eat around the band..."
In retrospect I am so incredibly happy I did not go that route....
There was NOTHING in my history that suggested that I would be able to succeed-- there was a littered minefield of failed diets, and binge-eating behaviors that spread out across almost thirty years. But, like pretty much everyone else here who has lost a lot of weight, I feel like there is nothing special about me, and that if I can do it anyone can because I only THOUGHT I was powerless-- in fact, the power resided right in my own hands.
I did say to my colleague my little speech about how if I can do it anyone can, and it just takes a strategy and persistance...
But it's a fine line. I'm sure it's hard to be gaining when someone around you is losing....
A lot of us obese lifers, I think, spend a lot of time kind of shrugging and saying "well, what can I do...?" When one of us finally says-- yes, I can do something, it's doable, I think it's very threatening for other people.
I understand the desperation too. If my insurance had covered lap band, I would have had it. I went to the seminars and talked to the surgeon's insurance person. However, even when considering it, I was doubtful that it would work for me. I knew that my problem was not being hungry. That feeling full sooner would not solve my problem. The lap band would not stop emotional eating. Now I am so glad that I did not go that route.
It never crossed my mind to have surgery, but that is because I always knew what I needed to do to lose weight. There was one change I needed to make, which would make all the difference for me, and that was to quit eating sugar. However, I just was unwilling and unready to make that change. I had all kinds of rationalizations and reasons for it, but that's what it came down to: I didn't wanna.
the "gaining up to a lap-band" chat
I suggested he try to become a personal trainer. My reasoning was that it would motivate him to get to the gym. I was so right! He IS starting down the road of becoming a personal trainer and you can see his stats in my signature. He is truly a changed man today.
