In honor of spring, and in honor of the fact that I'm in my last decade before onederland, I decided to clean out my closet-- again.
It's been an ongoing process, and I've already tossed TONS of things that were way too big...
But today, I realized that pretty much everything I started out with hangs like a tent-- it's been so many years that "fits" meant "can button/zip/pull it on" that I really have an awful sense of whether something actually flatters.
I've downsized in jeans because the old ones wouldn't stay up, but every shirt still "fits"... some are just baggier than others.
Well, today, I went upstairs and tried on a bunch of things and really tried to look objectively and decide if stuff fits, and I made another HUGE PILE for the Goodwill, including some stuff that I was thrilled about buying on the way down, and a few things that I bought but never actually wore...
But here's the thing-- I felt so melancholy and sad I was about to cry.
I felt like I was saying goodbye to this whole other person, and even though she gave me a lot of grief, I had learned to love her. She accomplished a lot. She was a good egg. I would have been friends with her.
I haven't reached my goal yet, but I know, objectively, that I no longer look like a morbidly obese person. There is a big difference between the fit but somewhat overweight person that I am now, and the unhealthy, unfit, morbidly obese person who looked like she really did not care and might, possibly, be a little bit crazy.
Finally, I got sick of it, and pulled on my favorite old 3x stretch pants and sweater that I like to wear around the house and that I'm not willing to part with yet.
I think your amazing!!!!! You have done this amazing feat. Lost 85 pounds! Your inspirational, and you have every right to mourn the loss of your old self. Yes you'll be happier and feel better and be healthier, but like you said, your a stong intelligent woman who excepted herself ever at 85 pounds heavier, and you are a different person. I'm sure your still the same "good egg" you've always been. But lets face it, the world looks at you differently now. People treat you differently, especially strangers I'm sure. Your life is different for that, and it isn't comfortable and familiar yet. You have every right, and you should stop and think about the changes you've made. And how this will shape you differently. You'll be a different person because the world will be different to you. This is silly, but I remember at 11 years old being sad because I realised that my older brother, 15 at the time, who was my best friend in the world, would be grown up and moving away in 3 years. I cried for the loss of our childhood together. Which seems crazy for an 11 year old to be thinking about and doing. In that moment I didn't want to grow up. I wanted to be best friends and playing cowboys and indians and GI joes rescueing my little ponys forever. But thank God I did. Anyways, I don't think it's remotely crazy to mourn the loss of a time in your life. But thos epages always keep turning, and thank God they do, Especially when you take the reins like you have and are moving towards a better chapter.
I totally get that it's emotional saying good bye to the old you. Just keep your focus on how great the new you feels and looks and it will be a process but you'll be able to move forward with gratitude to the old you who was the person who made the choices and put you on the path to where you are now - just like the current you is doing for the even newer new you that you'll be when you reach your goal.
Are you nuts? Absolutely not! My mom has a tendency to buy things, never wear them and then pass them on to me. Even though they're not my style I wore them anyway and they were always high quality. Now as I'm getting away from them, I find it a little sad that I can no longer take hideous clothes from my mom? That's nuts!
You're not alone in your feelings of losing your old self, though I don't share that sentiment. I personally see myself finally gaining the real me! But everywhere I see women saying just what you are, so I know you can't be nuts.
Sure you're nuts, uber, but I don't think you're crazy.
Change of this magnitude requires adjustment, and cleaning out your closet rubs your nose in the exact nature and extent of the changes. So, cry a little. Laugh a little. I'm glad that you are able to love your old self as well as your new one, personally.
I'll bet your old self was a good egg, and I'dve liked her too.
I think at some point we all need to come to grips with "who" we used to be. Someday, you'll never look at those 3x comfort cloths again. It just takes time.
omg, wow. I did the SAME THING last time I got down to this weight. Went through the clothes, made a pile, and started crying. Because, well... what about that extra soft favorite sweater?? What about that cute outfit I always liked to wear? I felt so... lost. Like I was losing part of myself. I couldn't deal with it. It upset me a lot.
So no, you are not crazy at all. Just don't do like I did and regain 20 lbs so you can wear the old clothes again @@. Hurry and get rid of them
That's been my discovery. When I was fat, buying clothes was so fraught that the clothes themselves ended up somehow overvalued in my mind. Every buying expedition was an emotional experience, during which I stared in a mirror & became more & more depressed, and everything that didn't fit or didn't look right felt like another defeat. When I finally found something that fit, and that I didn't hate, and that didn't look like conventional "fat lady" clothing, I felt like a miner who'd been prospecting out on the lonely range for years before finally getting a little nugget of gold, and I was extremely invested in that scrap of sewed-together cloth. Probably over-invested. And eventually growing out of them, realizing I needed to start over again, and get something even bigger, was devastating.
Now I have so many choices, I don't have to settle. I can pick & choose. I can try on stuff all day, find lots that looks nice, not buy it, and not regret it later, or even think about it. Clothing has become easier for me. And also a lot more disposible. So now I cull my closet regularly for anything even slightly too loose, or with a stain that's causing issues, or something that turned out not to be so flattering. Out, out. Lots of editing going on. I want a more streamlined, minimalistic life -- a lot of empty space & a few good things. Those ideals match the body I've finally achieved. I have control over the clothing & it means less to me because it can always be replaced fairly easily.
Sing the refrain to Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" to your big clothes & toss them: "Don't you ever start to thinking you're irreplaceable to me/ I can have another you in a minute."
I think it's commendable that you were so comfortable with who you were. It is sad to change. I find myself that way often. I haven't lost nearly as much as you, but I am losing. I never had low self confidence, always had many friends, and I liked me, just the way I was. But my knees started to hurt, and I realized I couldn't do certain things with my hubby like I wanted, so I decided to go on the journey for health and streangth reasons. But, to be honest, I kinda miss the me that wasn't obsessed with working out, or how much I ate. I'm sure it gets better over time, but you are far from crazy, I feel the same way.
Not even close!!! I am sure a lot of can relate to that. I haven't even taken that next step of actually taking my clothes some where. They are down in bags in the basement!
Hon, you're not nuts. Letting go is HARD, sometimes. I had to learn to do it, and it wasn't easy, and I do hang onto clothing way longer than I should sometimes, especially now when I have some truly fantastic and stylish things I wore all winter that are now reaching the falling-off-me point. So what I'm doing is this: if it's something I dearly and desperately love, now that I'm so close to my goal, if, once I get there, I decide that no, I don't want to replace it, I love THIS garment too much, I'm taking it to a tailor and having it altered, if possible. And if not, I'm playing it forward. Somewhere, there is a woman with taste very similar to mine. And she's my old size. And she is going to hit the MOTHERLODE at one of Oxfam's charity shops one day. Oxfam benefits. She benefits. I benefit, because I'm making myself happy by getting thinner and making somebody else happy, because she's getting my barely-worn awesome old clothes at an incredible markdown.
Totally get where you're coming from--I have a pair of 3x yoga pants that I love. I have gotten rid of soooo much stuff, don't miss it at all, but these pants will stay with me until they literally fall off while I'm walking in them. They are very loose, almost there, but not yet.....
I don't normally get attached to clothing, but there is something about these yoga pants...maybe because they look so much better than when I first wore them? Maybe because they're so comfortable? Maybe because they hang on me and make me 'feel' thin?
I don't know, but I get where you're coming from....
Thanks everybody!!!! I guess I'm okay now. I went upstairs and took a picture of all of the too big clothes and realized that usually, everything in my discard pile would be something that had gotten too small.
Anewcreation-- I get where you're coming from with the yoga pants.... I have these uber-comfy black pants-- they fit then, and they fit now. Magic pants. Actually, the legs are like 5x too big, but the elastic keeps them up. I wear them every day. I'm NOT giving them up.
Chickies.... I think I'm nuts....
a few things that I bought but never actually wore...
That's nuts! 
