Is this body dysmorphia... losing 3-4 dress sizes & feeling worse than ever?
I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 14/16, and I still feel just as big as I was before. I know that I must look different, but I just can't see it. I've been taking pics of myself along the way... and I was comparing the pics I'd taken months ago, and I compared 2 pics (both in my underwear, standing exactly the same way) and there was such a big difference in my size, that I got angry. I felt angry because a) I let myself get that big, b) I'm so pathetic that I don't even notice all of that weight loss and c) because I'm still fat. I just went from a very fat person to simply just a fat person. Then if I lose more weight I will be a chubby/chunky person, then maybe someday a "normal" person. It just makes me angry.
I'm sorry if I sound really emo, I am just having a hard time with the psychological aspect of weight loss. I'm not feeling any better about myself. I can't even accept any compliments or words of encouragement at all. When people say "wow you've lost weight, you look great, keep it up" I think to myself, "you must have thought I was disgusting before." I know that's a messed up way to think but I'm being honest and admitting that I do think like that. I don't want people to treat me better, I don't want people to like me more, I don't want men to pay more attention to me, because I am smaller. I've always been the same person, I don't want to be cynical about people and think, "well yeah people treat you better if you don't disgust them, if you look good, people will like you more" I don't want people to like me more if it's for that reason.
Sounds like you're going through a weight loss funk. I went through a very similar experience...I started out at a snug 24 and when I finally got down to 16ish I had that whole "I suck, I'm fat, I'm always going to be fat" freak out. Plus, even though I'd lost 100 lbs I still felt like a giant whale. I snapped myself out of the negative fairly quickly because negative thoughts tend to spiral for me which leads to really negative behaviors. My advice is to hang in there, we've all had those feelings, the key is to let go of the past and just keep movin' forward.
As for the whole BDD, I'm not sure if it's technically BDD but I know a lot of us here at 3FC have had issues where are brains haven't quite caught up to the weight loss. I've finally let go of the idea that I'm morbidly obese, but I definitely think I'm much much larger than I really am. I'm currently wearing 10/12 (which is really freakin' small) but in my mind I still think I look like 18/20. It's weird. I take progress pictures too and that helps a whole lot. Also there are a few websites that have pictures of people at different heights/weights. My favorite is mybodygallery.com, it's a searchable database with tons of full body pictures. When I'm feeling 'fat' I like looking at those pictures because the women my size aren't that big.
Stay strong, remember all your progress and celebrate your success. Keep up the great work!!!
'"I suck, I'm fat, I'm always going to be fat" freak out', that's exactly how I feel! I am definitely in a funk. And that website is so cool, thanks! I wish there were more pictures there though.
Congrats on your weight loss, I hope you are feeling fabulous.
Hang in here. I think I've just started to turn the corner with this issue. I'm a 12/14 now and I finally feel like I look *normal* thin almost. It's still a psycologically struggle, but it's improving. It just takes time.
arumaru, I am sorry this probably won't be any help at all but it's like I could have written your post. I feel EXACTLY the same as you. I just want you to know you're not alone. Sorry I can't be more helpful though, hang on in there.
ETA- I felt the same at 140lbs before when I lost loads of weight in the past. I think Gracie is 100% correct in saying it takes time for your brain to catch up with your weight loss. So, hopefully, the feelings will change over time.
I think most of us have been through this. I went through it, and I'm still going through it. I lost my first 30lbs through diet alone...never exercising. I was the same body fat percentage and still had no muscle tone. With clothes on, I was noticably smaller (American Eagle size 12 to AE size 4). However, naked, I looked the exact same. Even comparing photos in my undies from 183lbs to 153lbs, I looked the same. Every bulge and lump was in the exact same spot, you couldn't even tell that I was smaller in the after picture.
Now that I've started exercising for the last month, I feel a lot differently about my body. I'm noticing and feeling muscle tone, some of the bulges are finally shrinking, and I'm getting the confidence I initially wanted with just losing weight. And this may just be another mind trick that my brain is playing on me, but that's alright, at least I feel better. I think I've seen you mention that you work out in other threads, do you do strength training? That's really what shapes the body.
So no, you don't sound emo. Sounds pretty normal, and I wish I had some advice, but I deal with the same thing, hehe.
This is a normal feeling, I'm just starting to get past it. I still really hate the concept that I've lost damn near 100lbs and I'm still fat!
What helps me is thinking about what losing 91lbs has allowed me to do. Now I can shop in my favorite stores, I look OK in dresses, I can wear"normal" bras. I can run(just about anywhere I might add up stairs, hills etc) I'm now excited to get up and be active and that daily activity makes me happier, which makes more confident and there's a whole snowball effect from that.
So yeah I'm still not where I want to be, but so much good has come from my weightloss, it's ok for now that I'm not 100% please with what I see in the mirror.
As fas as people liking you because you are thinner, I doubt that is the reason. You probably carry yourself differently and appear more confident(even if you don't feel it) People are attracted to confidence.
I am sorry to hear that that's how you feel. By the way, congrats on your weight loss! I don't know what to suggest - perhaps talking to a counselor?
I have to admit that I never went through this myself. In my case, it was just the opposite. I always felt much slimmer than I actually was. I did not have any pictures to compare but I had a friend take a picture of me in bikini when I lost 48 lbs and I was shocked to see that I was still much bigger and flabbier than I saw myself. I guess my case would have DENIAL in big bold letters all over it.
Oh yes, I know this feeling exactly. I've only lost 14 lbs., but that's halfway to my goal weight. I get told all the time how great I look (I also started working out so I've lost more inches than weight), but when I look in the mirror, I still see the same body. It's like I didn't realize how fat I really was, so I've lost 14 lbs. just to be the size I felt like I was before.
At every weight I've been at during my lifetime, from 250 to 105 pounds, I went through a fit of disgust at my body & frustration that I could not completely control it, mold it & make it conform to whatever ideal I was currently holding myself to. For some reason, my idea of "normal" is actually not normal, unless a parade of models & actresses represents normal. It's rather unforgiving, actually, and says more about my standards for myself in general than about my body.
What I have to work on is not my body -- well, I need to work on that, but not as much as my state of mind & my attitude toward myself.
I was looking at the pictures on mybodygallery.com and its crazy how i think there are people that look small and they are the same weight as me! I really do not think that I look as small as them! I still feel like I look like I did before I started losing weight
I have a lot of the same friends now that I did when I was a "normal" weight. They don't love me any less for having gained weight. I don't think I repulse them because I am still Barb, fat or thin. And they encourage me with compliments on how well I'm looking (I've only lost 12 pounds so far, so it can't be that much different) and they understand when we have ptoluck and I don't eat what everyone else is eating and bring my own pre-measured food. And they cheer me on even when my "exercise" can only be a walk around the block.
Is it possible that people really do admire what you've done so far and want you to do well? That they liked you just fine but are happy for you? If you looked at it from that perspective, maybe you would feel better about them and yourself. If there's someone you can talk to honestly and kindly, ask 'em...I bet you'll be surprised!
I am almost 2 1/2 months in to my new habits...over 30 pounds gone...but I also feel fatter than ever. I can certainly see that my clothes are looser. Some days I can see/feel the loss. Other days, all I see is the fat that is left. I know how you feel. I choose to view the feeling as a normal part of the journey.
~I have lost nearly 100 pounds and Now I am basically just starting to feel alot better about my image to the fact I think I look ok now....I think it takes our minds awhile to catchh up to the newer us~
Is this body dysmorphia... losing 3-4 dress sizes & feeling worse than ever?
Sounds like you're going through a weight loss funk. I went through a very similar experience...I started out at a snug 24 and when I finally got down to 16ish I had that whole "I suck, I'm fat, I'm always going to be fat" freak out. Plus, even though I'd lost 100 lbs I still felt like a giant whale. I snapped myself out of the negative fairly quickly because negative thoughts tend to spiral for me which leads to really negative behaviors. My advice is to hang in there, we've all had those feelings, the key is to let go of the past and just keep movin' forward. 
