[three herring]

I suddenly am faced with an event that was suppose to happen March 2, but now will happen 2 days. We are truckers, who have leased an apartment (we sold our home a year ago and were staying at my parents on our brief home-times) simply because we got a deal where it won't cost much more than what we are paying to store our household stuff.

Anyways, within moments of finding out that I will have to manage the move in alone (as I had to pack the house when we sold it -alone) I found the old Binge Monster awakening. All the triggers are gathering storm:

unexpected stress+tight schedule+being alone+grocery shopping=binge

Husband will drop me off to pick up our car in storage, I will have to pick up some groceries, meet the POD delivery, meet the apartment manager, meet the movers and unpack as much as I can before husband returns the next day. One of my biggest triggers is sneak eating....eating alone, not being watched. I could feel the old wild binge monster talk starting to awaken....I could have whatever I wanted I could splurge I could do it for just one day

I have managed to make it 176 days consistently counting every calorie. I aim to stay aware of how this all comes together. One thing I wanted to get opinions on, is that I have come to accept that no matter how much weight I lose, no matter what I weight or how far I am into dieting or eating normal, the Binge Monster will always be a part of me and my relationship to food. I want to believe that it will die someday, but I don't really believe it will.

I have taken some time to write down what my meals will be while alone, made a healthy grocery list. I wonder though, how I will feel when I am actually in the event. I am planning as much as I can without making statements to myself I know I would break out of defiance. I am talking to myself gently and lovingly, the Binge Monster wants to take over, but I can drive it away with simple logic, he only speaks lies of false justifications, I speak the truth. If I binge that day, I will make myself sick and not have the energy to complete the enormous task at hand. I will come back and report who won sometime this weekend.

How are YOU dealing with the awakening of your own monster and do you think he will always be there, even if "asleep"?

[foxxy511]

Oh, I know mine will always be there, no question. Like you, I can feel it like a gathering storm sometimes. For instance, I have a potential one brewing for next Tuesday. I'm getting my measurements done with my trainer that day (in the morning, so afterwards I can eat and it won't effect what he sees), I have no class and no where to be so will likely be alone, and I'm leaving the next day for a trip to Chicago where it will be hard for me to stay on plan. Just writing all that out and thinking about it is making me anxious.

I have a nagging feeling of looking forward to it, but also a feeling of dread about giving in. Right now, I don't want to give in, I want to leave for my trip not feeling bloated and huge. But, who knows if I'll feel like that in a week? Who knows if I'll even make this week in between a binge-free week. I know that theoretically I have control but it rarely feels like that.

I think speaking the truth to yourself, in a kind way, is a great suggestion. Maybe plan a reward for the day after...something you've wanted but haven't gotten for yourself. I think I'm going to do that both before I leave for my trip and after I get home. Next Tuesday, if I can make it through the morning without binging, I'm going to buy a new pair of jeans to take on my trip. If I can enjoy my trip without binging or sneaking food, I'm going to treat myself to a pedicure when I get home. These are my goals.

I would love to hear more strategies though!

[unidestiny]

My binge monster is always there, no matter what I'm doing. My binge monster starts to surface everytime I'm in a crappy mood or things haven't been going well. Worse, it always surfaces every single time I walk by a food store selling the food I love and hate to love.

But there's also the ironwilled angel in me! Everytime I'm tempted to binge, the angel screams no rather un-angelically in my head over and over again.

[saef]

Mine has shrunken down to the size of a mouse, and one that I'm not particularly afraid of.

What helps is that when I see these occasions approaching, I call them exactly what they are: They are going to be a time when I experience stress & anxiety. They are a time when I need to take care of myself.

Then I start thinking about what taking care of myself is going to mean. Not just food, but in other ways. Lately I start thinking of two emotional states: Overexcited or depleted.

If I am overexcited, do I need to call a friend & decompress by relating the whole story? Will some time on a cardio machine help? Can I plan an errand that would require some walking?

If I am going to feel depleted, can I lie down somewhere? Take a nap? Flip idly through a magazine or watch mindless reality TV? Is this the time to break out that meditation CD that my friend in L.A. burned for me & which I haven't listened to yet?

I've found that overexcited & depleted each demand completely different solutions & they are NOT interchangeable. If I am overexcited but try to nap, it won't work. If I am depleted but take myself to the gym for a workout session, it won't work. (Although sometimes it does.)

Hope this helps. Anyway, in neither of those situations does food do a damn bit of good. I know this now. It took me years to figure out something so simple, but I do know it.