This is so not a weight-related post directly, but I guess my feelings of insecurity about my weight are probably what's bumming me out the most, since I have trouble getting anyone interested in me (I live in a very thin, outdoorsy, active town and even though I'm 2 out of the 3, I don't look it. In short, I don't look like a 12-year-old girl.) Anywhos, here it goes...
Short version, I met a guy at a tournament this weekend (a friend of a friend) and later danced the night away with him at a bar, didn't expect anything other than "Nice to meet you, see ya around" but we clicked, chatted all night, and kept in touch since Saturday. Then out of nowhere, he stopped responding to me. I mean, I haven't been harassing him or anything, but I did text him a couple days ago and left a message today. Anything more than that would probably be stalking, which isn't the message I want to send to him.
Anywhos, my friend said guys our age have ADD (I'm 25 and he's 24) and lose interest quickly even if no other girl is involved. I find that true to a certain extent, but this guy seemed different. We hung out all day, then all night, and his texts and communication seemed so excited and genuine.
BTW, this isn't the first time this has happened to me (the uber excited and prolonged talk/message/text) which leads to the dude dropping off the face of the earth, which is why I'm starting to think this is a pattern for guys in their 20s.
Anyways, this dude totally caught me off guard since he was showing so much interest in me after we'd gotten back. It really seemed like we clicked and possibly wanted to pursue things other than just that night...like hanging out again at the very least. But instead, our conversation stopped so suddenly, completely out of the blue.
I don't know why this is bothering me so much at all. Maybe it's because he was the first decent guy that I've been attracted both physically and personality-wise since I moved here 1.5 years ago. Maybe it's cuz he seemed so genuine and nice and this silence move caught me so off-guard. I don't know. But I'm really bummed.
So, I'm sorry that this is so long. I had to get it off my chest and maybe get some opinions from you ladies. Or gents, for that matter. Enlighten me, please.
Are guys our age (20s, mid-20s, etc) just so ADD? I don't get it.
I think my opinon may end up differing from that of other readers however....
I know it sucks but forget him. Some men are just (insert curse word here)'s.
I read the book "He's just not that into you" and I really believe everything it says. If a guys not that into you enough to string you along or not respond to you then who needs that guy! If he really likes you, you'll hear from him. And if he just kind of likes you enough not to respond (totally rude!) then he's really not worth your time because the time you waste thinking about or talking to him at a later date could be hindering you from meeting a really great guy who could be really into you!
It isn't just guys your age. Boys of all ages are like that. I completely agree that the book, He's Just Not That Into You is a must read.
I know this is hard, but it is good advice, and I mostly take it..my own advice, that is...just don't dwell on it. Concentrate on you, your goals and meeting other people (guys). You prolly aren't gonna figure out his deal, but he may come back around. He very well may. If he does, great. If not, nothing you can do trying to figure it out will make one bit of difference.
I think we should write our own book, He's Just Not That Worth It.
Btw, the one that got away last fall that I really, really thought had potential has just come back around. *smilin. We'll see.
This probably isn’t what you want to hear either but…maybe he isn’t interested. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that you did anything to cause him to be disinterested, it could be just the way it is. I’ve learned the hard way that if a guy is interested, he will make the effort, he will continue communicating and make time to get to know you or see you. Maybe you guys were on different pages to begin with…is it possible you misinterpreted his friendliness as romantic intent??
Guys are also different when it comes to “closure” it seems. Most of them seem to figure that if they are no longer interested in talking, it’s okay to just stop talking to that person and that speaks for itself. They won’t always bother explaining or being what we would consider polite.
I could be wrong though…maybe he’ll call today, who knows. That’s just my take on the situation. Don’t take it too hard and like another poster said, don’t dwell on it.
Agree with everything above - read "He's Just Not That Into You" - if a guy wants to talk to you, he will. He won't just drop off the face of the earth.
Of course, I still believe guys in their 20's are /insert curse word here.
Ah boys! Why do we care so much? But we do and we can't help it because all we want is one good one and most of the time that seems completely impossible!
"He's Just Not That Into You" is okay, I didn't love it, maybe because it was written by a guy! lol One I love a lot better is actually by a comedian I like, Cecily Knobler. I think it's called "She's Crazy, He's a Liar" I actually laughed out loud about idiosyncrasies we make and the crap dudes put us through! Much more realistic!
Agreed. Its men in general. While I'm not a fan of the "He's Just Not that Into You", let's be real people women can vote now, they do have somewhat of a point. If a guy stops returning your calls, he's probably not interested. Granted there are exceptions; however, for the most part, you probably won't hear from him. You did what you could do...leave the voice mail, now the ball's in his court and its his move. I say move on and find others. If he does call, hoping its not an absurd time in the future ie: 5 months, then decide where you want to go from there or ask him why he's calling after so long. Either way, good luck. You are strong and beautiful and there will be a guy who's not a moron out there for you.
I'm surprised no one has said this yet: he might have a girlfriend. Or he might have been interested in you, but had a sort-of-kind-of-relationship with a girl who wanted him to get serious. Or he's just a commitment-phobe. I wouldn't worry about it, or generalize it to all guys our age. A lot of guys really are interested in serious relationships, but for the sake of appearance or insecurities or whatever they don't pursue it.
I think everyone has given great advice so far. Guys are just so hard to read! I went through some bad relationships before I met my husband. They either only wanted one thing.. or they wanted to just "date" around. Its pathetic really.. I don't like to be strung along.
Even my husband of almost 3 years can be EXTREMELY self-centered. After I got so upset one day I just left the house, he has been working really hard on it. He was an only child raised by just his mom. So he doesn't ever think what he says or does could affect me so much.
Boys.. men.. the majority are just clueless. Something they do or say may mean one thing to them and then something totally different to us.
Don't beat yourself up about it.. you tried making contact and if he doesn't answer you back then he wasn't worth it!
I don't think it's guys our age... I think it's everyone. When picking someone to date, most people are quite picky. I know I am... and the situation you described happening to you happened to me, but I was like the guy. He took me on a date and we had a great time, said it was good, talked for a few days... but in the end I decided I didn't really see long term potential with him.
It's just easier to stop talking to people. Sad to say, not many know how to tell the truth or accept it when it's spoken. I would LOVE if I could be honest all the time, but I can't and I know that. I know that if I had told the guy (in the story above) that I couldn't see long term potential with him - who knows how he would have reacted! He could have been angry or sad or try to convince me otherwise, etc. The whole dating scene is very crazy to me and mixed up. I would say, he's either been busy... or he's taking the easy way out and not wanting to explain why he doesn't want to see you again. Either way, just be chill about it I guess. There's going to be a guy out there for you.
Thanks for the responses, ladies. Definitely helps
I figured he wasn't interested, which is totally cool because I didn't expect anything in the first place. But I'm just confused. Why make the effort to look interested (even as friends) and then in the middle of a texting conversation (yeah, I know, we're in middle school), just suddenly stop responding? Maybe that was my first clue... Regardless, it's so weird.
Similar thing happened with a good friend from college with whom I lost contact for a couple of years and reconnected a couple months ago. And suddenly silence.
I feel like at this point I can't even take their interest to be real since my recent experience has been that they'll just act like they're into you and then stop talking altogether. As you can see, I've given up on men. Maybe that's what I should stay away from for Lent.
I'll look into "He's just not that into you." Sounds like my kind of book
maryblu - I'll most definitely see him around cuz he's a ref for our rugby league, which is how I met him in the first place...at a rugby tournament this past weekend. I'm so glad I didn't do anything more with him cuz that would make any future games slightly awkward. We'll see what happens.
Besides maybe not being interested, most guys in the early to mid-twenties are immature idiots. I stopped dating men in their 20's before I even got to mine. My bf is 37, and while he is still an idiot sometimes (comes with a penis, lol) he has been married once, and in two other long-term committed relationships.
I guess my point is, if you want a guy that is willing to stick in there long-term, either wait until you are older and date men your age, or forgive a few wrinkles and a little grey hair. I am not saying this is true of EVERY man, but it certainly ups your odds.
They just don't think like women do, and the ones who do think like women are largely ignored by women. Move on, meet someone new. Sure, you had a great conversation, but the way guys think, if they don't want to sleep with you immediately, they lose interest. Men are very visual and it's instinctual.
My best advice is to not even analyze it at all. Don't even try to comprehend what he means because 99% of guys aren't cryptic. So he stopped responding... oh well. It doesn't mean anything necessarily. He probably got distracted by something shiny.
Honestly, guys get busy, start thinking of other things, (maybe they were talking to another woman, too) and they just forget about stuff. it took my fiance like 2 months to call me after we first met.
And if you see this guy again, act like nothing is weird, because the second you do, he'll freak out. Guys don't like it when women try to over-interpret them, it freaks them out.
If anything, I would flirt with another guy in front of him. But don't over-do it, just do it enough to let him see that another man is interested in you, and if he likes you, he'll get jealous and possessive and start talking to you.
Boy problems...is it just guys our age?
